Sweet Baby Girl,
Honestly words cannot even begin to describe the overwhelming gratitude and love I feel as I am reminded with each of your kicks and nudges of the gift the Lord has blessed me with in you. You will enter this world within the next week unaware of where this little family of ours has been, or the fact that you are the fifth baby the Lord has entrusted to us. When you arrive you will see two of the most amazing big brothers so eager to love on and protect you. They snuggle you and talk to you so much already am certain you will know them instantly.
Your biggest brother Luke loves to talk to you. He puts his lips right up to my bellybutton, thinking it is the microphone to where you are. He loves to rub my belly and tell you all about tractors and read you books. He prays for you each and every day and helps to keep all of us aware of the blessing that you already are.
The big brown eyes you will see staring down at you are those of your brother Benjamin. I am quite certain the two of you already have a special connection. He LOVES to "open my belly" cover you with the soft side of his blankie and lay his head down and tell you how much he loves you. Sometimes he can sit there for a half an hour at a time (which is huge for Ben) and just snuggle you. When I panic because you are not as active as usual Ben can ALWAYS get you to move around.
You will see instantly that your daddy is more in love with you than he ever could have imagined. He is so excited for your arrival and cannot wait to hold you. He has prepared the most amazing room for you and is looking forward to seeing you grow in it. I assure you that the two of you are going to have a very special relationship, but that he is going to take his job of protecting you VERY seriously. He already does. He has already gone through your wardrobe deeming what is appropriate and what is not. :-) When that becomes frustrating, please remember how much he LOVES you and wants the best for you. Really he does.
I cannot even wrap my mind around what you will see when you look up at me, your mommy. I am quite certain you will likely be showered with my tears. I am so excited to meet you and hold you and watch you grow and yet I am heartbroken because there are two little boys, two more of your big brothers that you will not see. They are there, they will always be there, but you will not see them. They live with Jesus, and though there is honestly no better place they could be, my heart aches to know that they will not get to know the gift of you and you will not get to know them. What you will know is the love they brought to this world.
Though you will not see them, your life will be touched by them. Our family is still grieving the loss of those two amazing boys but we are also rejoicing in the gift of you. I want to make it very clear that you do not come into this world already with a job of healing our hurt. You come as your own blessing and gift just as they did. You will change our hearts and our world just as the four brothers who came before you have. You will get to grow alongside and know the love of Luke and Ben and you will get to feel the love and transformation in your family because of Isaac and Asher. It is because of them that we love a little deeper, hold on to each moment just a little tighter, and praise God for his good plan for our family.
We cannot wait to see what you have to teach us. You have already made it abundantly clear that you are your own person, a new and exciting gift from God and we cannot wait to get to know you. Our prayer is that we are able to be the parents the Lord intended us to be for you. That we will seek Him in every decision and love you with a grace and passion similar to His love for us. We know that he chose us to be your parents for a reason and we take that responsibility very seriously. We are so in love with you and just cannot wait to meet you! Though I know that many tears will be shed in the days following your birth, please know they are tears of PURE JOY for the new thing the Lord is doing in our lives. We are looking forward with hope knowing that the Lord has much in store for this family of ours!
Thoughts of Hope
13 hours ago