I am a 30 something year old mom of five precious boys and two sweet girls. Five of our children are here with us and two are in the arms of Jesus. Our sweet baby girl Hope was diagnosed with Dystrophic Epdermolysis Bullosa and our youngest son came to us through adoption, our youngest daughter through foster care, and I've recently been diagnosed with malignant melanoma the Lord has shown us just how Faithful He is. We will continue to Journey and follow Him where ever He leads. We feel very blessed that God chose us to be the parents of each of our kids, and we look forward to what He has in store for us in foster care!
Last week our family piled in the car for our annual trip to the eye doctor. As I sat in the chair chatting with the doctor, I mentioned that all my life I have seen double and that recently, I have found that it hinders the amount of time I can spend reading. I had it checked as a teen and the doctor then told me that nothing could be done to correct it aside from "vision therapy and eye exercises" which my dad scoffed at. I figured it was just something I would have to live with so I have.
As I explained this to the doctor he looked at me with pity. He said, "You mean for as long as you remember you have seen two of everything and you have not done anything about it?" To which I replied, "I guess so...I didn't think anything could be done." He gasped and went on about how I should have brought this up in the past five years since I have been seeing him. I have prescription glasses but it is a VERY minor prescription as my sight is actually near 20/20, just needed a little fine tuning.
He assured me that he could give me glasses with prisms in them that would help me to see only one of everything. I was skeptical, and I don't much care for glasses on my chubby face, but I was also excited at the idea that the headaches might subside, and that I might be able to read for more than ten minutes at a time.
My glasses came yesterday and it was my first day wearing them. I put them on so the glasses fitter lady could adjust them and she asked if everything looked clear. I said that they did, she adjusted my glasses and I got up to leave with them on...which is when I nearly fell flat on my face. I sat back down and told her I didn't think they were working because my distance perception was awful. She assured me that they would take some getting used to and told me to just try wearing them for short periods and gradually increasing each day.
I wore them again today and it was better. It is CRAZY to me that I can see so clearly and only ONE of everything. :) As I was thinking about how crazy it is that I have lived 32 years and never knew this kind of clarity was even possible, it dawned on me...our coming to Christ is so much the same.
We walk through the world blurry and often dark unaware of the crisp clarity that is available to us. Once we get gutsy enough to ask for help or have someone gracious enough to teach us the Way, we seem unsure...the idea takes some getting used to. We try our salvation on and are amazed at the precision with which we can see, yet it still seems so foreign. It takes some getting used to. We may stand up and sit back down. We may stumble and fall flat on our face. We may have to try it for periods and keep coming back to it until we are certain, but it is surely a better way.
Prior to allowing our vision to be through Him, we are unaware of the glory and beauty that awaits...sometimes it is like seeing again for the first time. Sometimes though, we put it on and we look in the mirror and believe lies and think we look stupid in our new glasses (ahem) but eventually the clarity outweighs all of it. The beauty in the gift that has been given is so great that it trumps it all. We put those glasses on and wear them with pride, knowing that looking stupid is FAR better than living without them. Life has been taken to a whole new level that we never knew possible.
Tonight I thank Him for my vision and for His Vision. Without which, it would be a mighty dark world. One of my favorite hymns is Be Thou My Vision.
Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best thought by day or by night Waking or sleeping Thy presence my light
Be thou my wisdom and Thou my true word
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord
Thou my great Father, I , Thy true son
Thou in me dwelling and I with Thee one
Riches I heed not nor man's emptly praise
Thou mine inheritance now and always
Thou and thou only first in my heart
High King of heaven my treasure Thou are
High King of heaven my victory won
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's Sun Heart of my own heart whatever befall Still be my vision O Ruler of all
That last verse I have repeated to myself over and over, hidden in my heart when life hurts and makes no sense. I have often prayed to the Lord to be my vision despite the whole world crashing in around me. I have begged for Him to make my heart His own and for my limited vision to be sighted with His mighty Vision. Sometimes this world just makes no sense to us, but using His word as our glasses, we know we can trust His vision above all else. Tonight as I type this I am overwhelmed with gratitude that He has led my blind self into a place of beauty and clarity. I surely don't deserve the gift he so lavishly bestows upon me, yet He gives it anyway. I pray that He will continue to be my vision. I will (with the help of my new glasses) immerse myself in His word so that I may continue to see so clearly. I pray that I can help to be an eye doctor to a blind and hurting world, bringing clarity and joy to those who don't even know what they are missing...Lord...Be Thou My Vision. May I always seek Your Vision above my own.
Go ahead and mention my child, The one that died, you know. Don't worry about hurting me further. The depth of my pain doesn't show. Don't worry about making me cry. I'm already crying inside. Help me to heal by releasing The tears that I try to hide. I'm hurt when you just keep silent, Pretending she didn't exist. I'd rather you mention my child, Knowing that she has been missed. You asked me how I was doing. I say "pretty good" or "fine". But healing is something ongoing I feel it will take a lifetime. ~ Elizabeth Dent ~
"When I Lay My Isaac Down" - Carol Kent "The One Year Book of Hope" - Nancy Guthrie "Holding on to Hope" - Nancy Guthrie "Empty Cradle Broken Heart" - Deborah Davis "Waiting With Gabriel" - Amy Kuebelbeck "Streams in the Desert" - LB Cowman "It Takes a Parent" - Betsy Hart "I'll Hold You in Heaven" - Jack Hayford "Crazy Love" Francis Chan "Radical" David Platt