I am a 30ish year old mom of five precious boys and one sweet girl. Four of our children are here with us and two are in the arms of Jesus. Our sweet baby girl Hope was diagnosed with Dystrophic Epdermolysis Bullosa and our youngest son came to us through adoption, the Lord has shown us just how Faithful He is. We will continue to Journey and follow Him where ever He leads. We feel very blessed that God chose us to be the parents of each of our kids, and we look forward to what He has in store for us in foster care!
Ecclesiastes 4:6 says, "Better is one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind."
Time is such a commodity in today's world. It is something we seldom find we have enough of. I feel like God has taught me a huge lesson in the past weeks. I find that whatever God has for me to do...he also gives me the time and resources for...even when it doesn't make much sense. The truth is God gives us enough time...but most of us, myself FOR SURE included, squanders it. We waste it on things that just don't matter and then hurry like crazy to accomplish anything. We make time for what matters most. When I sat down and thought about where the largest parts of my time were spent...I found that I had some work to do.
Sometimes, I feel like I am literally chasing the wind...looking so forward to what God has next for me that I often lose sight of what he has placed directly in front of me. God keeps bringing the above verse to my mind and I am certain it is not coincidence. I am a "do-er", when I don't know what else to do I just busy myself.
As I reflected on the seven years since we've held Isaac, I have thought a lot about what matters...and for that matter...what doesn't. In the name of grief I have spent a great deal of time on things that don't really matter, just busying myself to numb the pain, as time has gone on, I have learned to recognize when I have slipped myself into "autopilot" and have had to work hard to walk through the pain and continue to focus on the blessings directly in front of me.
I am so grateful that I have four amazing children here on earth and two waiting in Heaven. They are such gifts that the Lord has used in miraculous ways in my life to shape and form me into the person I am. My goal is to fill one hand with what matters...and have tranquility, and a free hand to help others up than to grasp frantically with two hands to things that just don't matter. Better is ONE handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind. If you always have two handfuls you never have a free hand to lend.
In the grand scheme of things, we spend so much time in our brief lives on things that just don't matter, chasing after big careers, money, material possessions...it is the American way. Trouble is...it will never bring peace or tranquility...just toil and chasing after the wind...it will never be enough. At some point we all have to stop...refocus and decide what REALLY matters, in the end for me, I have found that to be my relationship with God, my family, relationships and serving others.
While my heart aches and longs to hold Isaac and Asher, I am overwhelmingly grateful for their impact on my lives. I am so blessed that God chose me to be their mother. EACH of my six children has brought so much to my life and continue to do so and one of the biggest has been putting things into perspective. I GET to be a mom. I GET to be a wife, and a daughter, and a friend. Those things matter. Those things deserve my time. So I sure do have one hand overwhelmingly full sometimes, but I am beyond grateful for the tranquility that has come from Him alone. Seven years out, I can tell you that it still hurts like crazy, but it is well.
I am so grateful for my handful...and I wouldn't trade it for two or three or four because His peace and tranquility are so much better than ANY American Dream or anything I could ever imagine. The world might say that being a stay at home mom and wife don't matter...that my time would be better spent earning more money and making our lives more comfortable...but I am grateful that my value doesn't come from the world...it comes from Him, and I know I am doing what He has called me to and I am just thankful to have the opportunity to do it!
It is time to take a breath, rest in Him, and just trust, stop waiting for the other shoe to drop or the next tragedy around the bend...it is time to abide in Him and enjoy my handful, knowing that whatever lies ahead He has gone before me and already worked it out. This school year we will be embarking on some student led learning...I will be focusing this year on ENJOYING my amazing kids and exploring our world with them and I just couldn't be more excited about that!
Go ahead and mention my child, The one that died, you know. Don't worry about hurting me further. The depth of my pain doesn't show. Don't worry about making me cry. I'm already crying inside. Help me to heal by releasing The tears that I try to hide. I'm hurt when you just keep silent, Pretending she didn't exist. I'd rather you mention my child, Knowing that she has been missed. You asked me how I was doing. I say "pretty good" or "fine". But healing is something ongoing I feel it will take a lifetime. ~ Elizabeth Dent ~
"When I Lay My Isaac Down" - Carol Kent "The One Year Book of Hope" - Nancy Guthrie "Holding on to Hope" - Nancy Guthrie "Empty Cradle Broken Heart" - Deborah Davis "Waiting With Gabriel" - Amy Kuebelbeck "Streams in the Desert" - LB Cowman "It Takes a Parent" - Betsy Hart "I'll Hold You in Heaven" - Jack Hayford "Crazy Love" Francis Chan "Radical" David Platt