November has been a crazy month in the Bolte household. We had been given a sweet baby girl to care for temporarily on Halloween night and she was amazing and sweet and went home to the best possible situation and we said goodbye to her on November 13th with a tear in our eyes but joy in our hearts knowing she was going home to a place where she is loved and cared for.
After she left, Howard and I talked and decided we'd maybe take a break just until the following week to catch up on things and regroup and maybe even have a date. The only exception would be if it were a child returning to care who'd been previously here.
I was surprised when my phone rang at 10 am and it was our "coordinator". She asked if the baby had left the night before and how we were doing. After chatting for a few moments she asked if we'd be willing to take a baby boy and his toddler sibling...I told her I'd think on it, talk to Howard and get back to her. I prayed, called Howard and then prayed some more, in the end deciding we are just at a point where due to the limitations of only being able to hold five children in our van, we need to stick with one child at a time for my sanity, as I like to get out often. So I told her we couldn't. My heart was heavy and I often wonder if that feeling of guilt will ever get better when I know it is just not going to be a good fit.
Aside from the guilt I also felt a bit relieved that I might get a full night sleep. I went about my day and about an hour and a half later the phone rang again and I could see from caller ID that it was the agency again! I answered and this time our "coordinator" said, "Well, God had a reason for you not to take the placement earlier. I know you said you wanted to take a little break and I totally respect that but I promised I'd call if Baby #1 (our very first placement) ever came back into the system, and guess who's expected to be back this afternoon?"
All at once my heart was so heavy and leaping for joy, we'd known when she left that there was a chance she'd be back, but I felt so sad that the reality was that she NEEDED to be back. It is crazy to think that had she come a day sooner, we'd not have been able to take her because we already had an extra baby and had I said yes to the earlier call, our home would have been full. It is clear to me that God has a plan in all of this, yet as I rock her to sleep each night, for the life of me I don't understand it.
For now that is where we are...we went about 18 hours without a placement and this one is expected to be here for a while. We are all settling in and figuring out how to make all of this work and I am confident in saying that without Luke I'd be lost...he LOVES babies and taking care of them and he is SUCH a help! We've managed all five at Thanksgiving tours of the families, the grocery store and a restaurant or two and we are so blessed. It is funny to watch people count and then try to figure out how it is possible that we have Jacob and Baby #1! :) We covet your continued prayers as we head into the holiday season, it is tough to balance being grateful to get to love her and heartache knowing that her family is missing her.