Thursday, May 7, 2015

Multifaceted Mother's Day

For over two decades now, Mother's day has been a difficult day for me.  As a child losing my mom was such a great grief for a small child to bear.  Each year as I've grown the weight of that grief has not really ever gone away, but has sunk deeper, it is more of a deep aching scar now than an open wound.  As I was learning to deal with that grief, I experienced the joy of motherhood, and the celebration of Mother's day as a joyous occasion for the first time in a long time.

I've grown five beautifully wonderful babies in my body.  Three are building massive structures with legos as I type, and two are in Heaven.  The grief of being a bereaved mother at Mother's day is inexplicably difficult to bear...it is a crushing grief and I once again found myself with conflicted feelings on that May Sunday each year.

Since then, our home has become a refuge for foster kids, we've had several children come for a time and move on and we've adopted two sweet babies, they have similar yet strikingly different stories that one day will be theirs to tell.  We also have a sweet foster daughter who has been with us almost a full year now.

As I sit here and reflect on Mother's Day, I give thanks for the first mothers of each of those sweet babies.  I can only imagine their heartache on a day set aside for mothers, knowing that handpicked bouquet of dandelions is being handed to another woman.  To the first mothers of my babies, there is no way to express my gratitude.  Your sacrifice cannot be expressed in words and I am heartbroken and honored to love your child, who is also my child.

If Mother's day is a day to celebrate moms and the sacrifice they make for their children, then you, birth moms should be at the top of the list.  You ARE moms, you deserve that fistful of dandelions.  I am sure your heart aches, but I want you to know that I see you and I celebrate you, your stories may all be as different as the children you birthed, but God grew a baby in your womb, He chose you, if only for a time and that matters.  You matter to your children and you matter to me.

As my children grow, I pray our foster daughter, though we love her dearly is able to reunite with the family who is working to get her back.  I also pray for my sweet Lily and Jacob as they grow and learn their stories, I want them to know they have ALWAYS been wanted by so many people, they've always been loved and that they'll NEVER be alone.  Their first moms are beautiful, wonderful women that I love dearly.  God chose them for our family too.   I pray that we can show His love and grace as we forge ahead with all He has entrusted to us.

Love is patient; love is kind. Love is not jealous; is not proud; is not conceited; does not act foolishly; is not selfish; is not easily provoked to anger; keeps no record of wrongs; takes no pleasure in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13 4-7

I want the first moms of my kids to know that we love them, without judgement, without strings.  We will always be honest with our kids and we will navigate this as best we know how, keeping the best interests of EVERYONE at heart.  Life is so hard and sometimes the obstacles before us seem so great.  But for these special women in my life, I just want you to know, I love you, I see you, and I see your sorrow and I know that it is real.  I celebrate you, I celebrate your sacrifice and I celebrate the incredible privilege of getting to raise these little people.

Happy Mother's Day to ALL mothers, those who are raising kids, those who are yearning for kids, those who have given up kids, those who are mourning kids.  I don't know your situation, I don't personally know your pain, but I know that God is good, I know he brings beauty from ashes.  I know that He keeps his promises and that His plans are good even when we don't understand them.

Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!  Luke 1:45




2 comments:

Mama Bear said...

Such a sweet message for all Moms. I feel very similarly about our son's birth Mother as well. Thanks for sharing, Happy Mother's Day!

Erin said...

What an awesome post. I just love this, and feel exactly like this about my kids birth mom. She is definitely TOP of the mom list. Birth mothers should never be forgotten on Mother's Day.