Friday, September 4, 2009

Spinning

Well it has been my experience in the past that God is seldom early, yet he is never late to act on our behalf. We are approaching a big financial deadline in our life and there has been no change in the situation as of yet. I will be honest, I have been a complete mess for the past few days worrying about all of this. I have prayed and prayed and prayed.

I am by nature a worrier. I used to say that "I came by it honestly" as my mother was a worrier, my grandmother was a worrier and my great grandmother was a worrier. I figured for a long time that it was genetic. Something I had no control over so I worried non stop.

I have since learned that worry really IS a choice. Unfortunately it is still a bad choice I make many days. It IS hard to overcome it, but God tells us not to worry and when we choose to allow worry to overtake a situation, we are being disobedient and really, we all know it doesn't help anything.

When I tell you I have been a mess in the past few days, I mean a M.E.S.S. I have literally made myself sick. I have been unable to pull it together long enough to have a coherant conversation let alone be the wife and mom my husband and kids need. I regressed, I let my guard down and the flood of worry rushed in taking over my whole mind.

I have had many offer advice, some wonder why I don't just get a job to help our situation and the truth is, because I don't believe that is what God wants it may allieviate a small portion of the financial stress but it would cause a whole different set of stressors. I feel VERY strongly that the Lord has called me to be home with my children, to train them up in the way they should go and provide an environment for my little family where everyone can thrive, and I LOVE my job,I have never been happier in any position.

I never thought I would be a stay at home mom, I mean I DO have a college degree, and yet life experience has taught me so much more than that degree ever could. I have a better perspective on what is important and in recent times have become more and more convicted about my place being here at home. It may not be the right decision for everyone, but I do feel I am doing what the Lord is calling me to do and I have to believe He will honor that and in turn provide for our every need.

Last night in a moment of self pity and despair, a good friend reminded me again of what matters in this life and that is my loving husband and our three "beauties" (though the boys would likely not be thrilled with her choice of words.) she is right. 100% right. We have been blessed, we are a strong family unit and the love in this house is incredible, we have been through the ringer together and we will make it through whatever comes next as a team and I LOVE that.

I have spent the day without the TV or distractions (I mean aside from caring for an infant and three year old) and have really tried to focus on God and what He would want me to do in this current situation and I know he is calling me to stand by Howard, support him in any way I can, be a wise steward of our money, teach our children to walk in the light and shine the light where ever they go, enjoy the blessings he has poured out upon us, and to ultimately trust in Him. Worry is really a sin. It is a lack of trust and I need to let go. God is not surprised by any of the details of our life, he has orchestrated it all and he will see us through.

It has been our experience that he always shows up at the exact moment when all seems lost, not a MOMENT sooner, and I anticipate He will not fail us now. We never know what it may look like, but he shows up. Sometimes it is hard to see, hard to feel and it hurts, but He is there. This situation is no different. He WILL pull us through. He will provide.

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?

28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:25-34

These verses have provided a reminder to me (thanks Corinne) of what God wants for us. He does not want us to waste one moment of this life he has gifted us with in worry. He does not want us to "spin" and spinning is exactly what I have been doing, round and round and round until I am so dizzy I can no longer see the straight and narrow. I have been feeling defeated and low and Satan is attacking on all sides. He has found footing and he is using it to inch his way in and I am taking a stand. God WILL provide. He WILL. He keeps his promises. Worrying won't change a thing, at least not for the good, prayer on the other hand, while it may not change the course God has us set on will change hearts, and I am praying for a change of heart, from worry to complete trust. I am certain it is a decision I am going to have to make each day, likely multiple times a day, but each time it sneaks in my goal is to lay it at His feet and not turn right back around to pick it back up. ( I do that A LOT, I hand it over only to quickly take it back, I tend to be a control freak like that) but it has me spinning my wheels and I am done spinning. I am standing.

Will you please stand with me in prayer? Will you join me in making the choice to stop the worry in your own life? If you have a situation in your own life that you are finding yourself overcome by worry about please feel free to comment or email, I would love to support you in walking this journey with me. One step at a time, moment by moment it can be done, worry is not inborn or even acceptable.



39 comments:

Meghan said...

Praying for you, Kristy.

Worry is a difficult thing. I think most people struggle with worry.

I pray that no matter the outcome, you will have the peace that passes all understanding.

EMILY G. said...

This post spoke to me today.. I needed to hear these things..All day I have been worrying, stressing, over money and I know I shouldn't because he does always provide, I know that, he has done it for us many many times, sometimes you just need that reminder. so thank you! and I will keep your family in my prayers! thank you again!

Michelle said...

I'm praying for you tonight Kristy! I worry so often and really have to get my heart and mind back in order and give it to the Lord. I struggle with it tho! Glad you posted. Glad you stand firm in where the Lord would have you! There is no greater job than being a momma.

Mommato2miracles said...

Oh Kristy,
I can't even begin to tell you how your words have spoken to my heart and spirit. I struggle so often worrying about my son and his immune system. I look at others with a sniffle, a cough anything and get super anxious about Sam. I look at my daugther and wonder what is wrong with her and why she isn't growing. I look at my husband and my marriage and worry that we are not where God wants us to be ETC ETC ETC!! I know these truths that you have shared but sometimes the devil knows exactly what buttons to push and he does. He takes advantage of us in our weakness, and the only thing that is left is to call out to our Lord and ask Him to pick us up once again and take away these worries. AS I focus on Him, I pray also that HE will take away this burden of fear from you, that HE will bless you with peace that passes all understanding, and that HIS joy will come in the morning!!!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!

Amy said...

It always amazes me how I can usually find someone speaking the words I need to hear. I'm right there with you worrying about finances. Ever since Levi died, I feel like the bills are never ending. Hospital, doctor, funeral home, pharmacy, etc. I literally had a freak out moment today when 4 bills and the deed to Levi's gravesite arrived in our mailbox. I, too, am a stay at home mom and feel this is where I'm supposed to be. My husband and I played around with the idea of me returning to work, but decided to trust God to provide instead, but I constantly fail in that trust area and worry that we're not going to make it.

I ask that you would pray for me, and I will pray for you.

Emily said...

You're beautiful, Kristy. Truly. And you're doing it! One foot in front of the other, eyes on the Son... you're getting closer and closer to Home. I'm so thankful to get to walk alongside you and talk to our Father - you know, the owner of the cattle on a thousand hills? -about your sweet family. Can't wait to see how He saves us this time!!!! :)

Sunday said...

I, too, struggle greatly with worrying. I always have. As a pre-teen I developed an ulcer because I worried over everything, silly things, things that didn't matter. Now as an adult I still worry...only now it makes more sense as I am a single mom raising my 2 sons who are both severely autistic. In the past year I have gone through a divorce, financial ruin, and had to leave my job to care for my children when I was unable to find a daycare to accommodate their special needs. Worry and I are like old pals now.

However, all through this storm I have held close to one scripture that ministered to me more than any. I have it on my computer screensaver so it pops up constantly. I pray it ministers to you as it has to me. Its not a scriptural-bandaid that will make everything better. Its more than that...its the healing balm of Gilead to women like us who bravely walk each days in the grip of God's grace and just as one of his children we look up to him sometimes and say, 'I'm scared, I'm hurt, and Daddy, I need you!'

-Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Phil. 4:6-7

Dear Jesus, let it be so.

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Praying for you and your family...praying that He will rescue swiftly and completely. Praying for His provision...and praying for peace as you wait on Him.

He has rescued me so many times...just in time. This week, in fact...

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Not sure if my previous comment posted. There was an error message. I said it better the first time, but just wanted you to know that I am praying for you. Praying for God's timely rescue, and perfect provision.

He has rescued me so many times...just this week actually.

Praying for peace and assurance as you wait on Him...

The Farmers Wife said...

Kristy,

Thank you for this post. I am a stay at home mom and worry seems to over take me also. My husband works very hard to make it possible, and at times I take on all the worrying so he doesn't have too. I will pray for you... and I ask that you pray for me also. Everytime I start to worry I will remember your words and stop to pray for you.
God bless you and thank you,

Michelle

Heather said...

If you feel strongly called to stay at home, then definitely do it. God will reward your obedience to Him! You can only do what He has called you to do, and He will make a way. Even if it's not the way you plan, I believe He will make your paths straight and will bless you to overflowing. Praying for you & your family.

Amy said...

Kristy, I read your posts regularly, but I've never commented (that I can remember).
I'll be praying for you. I understand a little bit. This week has been full of big worries for our family and sometimes I find it hard to cope. It's hard being a wife and mom and during the really rough times I so long for my mom to talk to(we have the loss of our mothers in common too).

Bless you as you lean on Him,
Amy

Elizabeth said...

Kristy, I'm praying for you. I too have been guilty of being the 'worrier" in my family. I usually feel so foolish when it's all said and done because all I have done is waste precious time. God IS in control and He takes care of his children. I have been to hell and back during the past 10 years, but the reason I'm still standing is God has been right by my side. Thank you for being so open and honest by posting this. This blessed me today. :)

Rob and Amy said...

How I needed this post today Kristy. Rob and I had a very very long, tough discussion about our marriage the other night. I'm worried sick about how and if we are going to work through this. Worried sick about our future, worried sick of, in the end, being along. I'm worried about being the perfect wife, of not being able to find the person in me who he fell in love with. Worried that he will finally throw in the towel when I'm not ready yet. I'm just worried and scared. I know, I KNOW that Satan is thriving on my worry. He is THRILLED. I a trying so hard to be still and listed to God--but I am such an anxious, worrisome type person that this is soooo hard Kristy, so hard. Not to mention the financial struggles we are too facing, since my husband has been laid off for 7 months and counting now...

Mary Ellen said...

Thank you for this post Kristy all be it that I am sad for the reason you had to post it. I pray for your family, and understand what it is like to feel like the financial weight of the world is on your shoulders. We are there right now too.
My husband and I choose for me to stop teaching and stay home with our special needs son. And I wont lie the worry has me up at night because I too am a worrier. So the verses you posted were needed for me as well. I know that God is an on time God but sometimes I sure wish I could as least get an idea of the schedule.
I hear the "why dont you just work" a lot too and I think that is easy to say but when you feel that you are in God's will to stay home, it isnt as easy as that. Then add special needs that are required to take care of our son it just complicates everything.
I wish I had magic advise but all I can say is you are not alone and you have so many that pray for you!

asplashofsunshine said...

I stay at home with my children too. I get a hard time because my daughter is in 2nd grade now, and my son starts preschool in a couple weeks. I'm told that I am lazy, etc. Finances on our end aren't the best either. We aren't desperate, but at any moment, we could be.

Our decisions to stay home with our children are personal and run deep in our veins. It drives me out of my mind when I get words from other people. I am glad you aren't second guessing your decision to stay home.

Hugs to the kiddos!

Neighbor Wars said...

Your words are just what I also needed to hear. We too are in a very tight financial situation. In the past, God has always provided for us..gotten us through. This time it is taking him a little longer! I have faith that it will all work out. I needed to hear that worry is a sin. I too need to learn to leave my worries for God too. I also come from a family that worries. I am a stay at home mom too, only thing, my youngest is 8 already. But its hard to find a job where I live, let alone one between school hours. And what if my son gets sick at school or needs to stay home sick? I have no one to watch him or get him! I think with small kids, moms should stay home if at all possible. I will be praying for you and everyone else who posted about their troubles!
Thanks for posting about this!

Jessica said...

Dear Kristy, my favourite verse about difficult circumstances, come from Daniel. When His three friends were about to be thrown into the furnace, they said to the king that God could rescue them, but even if he chose not to, they would only serve and worship Him (Dan 3:17-18). As you face the 'furnace', my prayer is that your faith would be like theirs. God CAN definitely solve this problem for you, but even if He chooses not to, He will be in there with you.
Blessings, Jessica

Anonymous said...

KRISTY, I understand some of what you are going through. My husband of 19 years left 6 weeks ago. We could lose our house.We have four girls ages 15,13,9,and 5.And he will not tell us what he is going to do. All we can do is PRAY AND WAIT ON GOD.I do not think my husband is saved even though he prayed the prayer in the past.He needs GOD VERY BADLY. I thank GOD every day for my church. I will pray for you. Please pray for me and my family.We will get through this with GOD. THNK YOU, SUSAN

Faith said...

Here is an paper I found by Basilea Schlink. I'm not sure if you have ever heard of her but she wrote a book high lighting different sins. This paper is about worrying. (If I am not mistaken this is one chapter from her book "You will never be the same")

http://articles.christiansunite.com/article872.shtml

This is another paper I found about mistrust

http://articles.christiansunite.com/article854.shtml

I don't mean to preach at you but to hopefully point you towards something helpful. (Please know that I struggle with this issue also.)

KK said...

Me too, I'll pray for us both to let that control go and rest in Him!

Shari said...

Kristy: just stopping by to let you know that our family just finished praying for you. I know I never have met you, but I love you in the Lord Sister.

Anonymous said...

This post really hit home with me. My husband has not worked since May 2008, has applied for SS disability, denied twice, and now we are waiting for a hearing. He has a very rare blood disorder. The medicine he takes to keep his red blood cells in a decent range, but not normal range, makes him sick. He has horrible tired spells where he has to lay down. He can't keep a job and not show up for work (funny how employers want you actually want you to work every day). We haven't been able to make a house payment since November, and God has allowed us to stay in our house so far. I have a job, not very good, and horrible insurance. But we know God will pull us through. I am not too much of a worrier, but my husband is like you, worries all the time. He worries about me, which is sweet, but he needs to focus on taking care of himself. Keep your eyes on God, he takes care of his own!
Sandy

Autumn said...

(((Hugs))) I needed to be reminded of this. Thank you!

My prayers are with you Kristy.

Kim (marygracesummons.blogspot.com) said...

Hi Sweet Kristy,
I wanted you to know that I am and will continue to pray for all your needs to be met. I like Emily, can't wait to see what He is going to do for you! I read this beautiful post, a post that spoke to me because I am a worrier too. And believe me, no matter how little or much you have, we do choose to let worry take over. the devil is very good at that game. Even when we have the least, we are blessed with the Most and the devil knows it and is scares him! When I read all your friend's comments I am reminded yet again, how God is using you and Howard and your boys and girl! You are amazing and through your struggles and worry and hardships.....you are blessing so many!! Keep on keeping on cause God is saying "well done!".
Love you,
Kim

Kristi in Colorado said...

Kristy,

Your post hit home for me. I haven't posted here often, but I wanted you to know I will be in prayer for you tonight. I don't know the specific details of your situation, but I am struggling with exactly what you described as well. We made the decision for my to quit my job doing in-home daycare in April as we had been struggling with infertility and have had several miscarriages for over 2 years and I wanted to make sure I could be the best Mom I could be to my two girls as I wasn't sure I was going to get to experience young children at home again. I felt both my girls and me were missing out on activities and normal everyday things. I was feeling stressed and burnt out with daycare and in turn my husband and children were suffering. Our income has shrunk by $1600 a month. We knew things would be tight, living on just one income, but our finances are a lot tougher than we ever imagined they would be. I have been extremely blessed and we found out we are pregnant after such a long road. I am on medications that are making me pretty sick, along with morning sickness and me getting a *job* is just not an option right now. I too need to let go of the worry and leave it in God's hands. He does always provide. It is hard though and I completely understand how you must be feeling. I just wanted to share that I am in a similar position. I am praying hard for you.

~Kristi

Krystal said...

Kristy, I'm praying for you.

Cassie said...

Hello I just found your site from another site. Although I don't have any children, I do know what it is like to have a one income coming in. My husband isn't able to work due to back issues and anxiety disorder and I am unemployed. During this time my husband and I have been learning that nothing is too big for God. God isn't surprised when we come to him with our cares. He already knows what we need when we need it. You can do this!!! Your family can and will survive on the one income because GOD IS YOUR SOURCE. Jobs, donations, gifts are just channels that God uses to help us, but he is the main source. The word of God says that our thoughts are not his thoughts and his ways our not our ways. So when we think stuff is going to happen this way it happens another way. THe word of God also says when you go thru the fire you will not be burned. THe other thing is if God told you to be a mom at home, be obedient to God and not man. The main scripture I have been standing on is 2Co 4:8 We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;
2Co 4:9 Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;
Your family can do this!

Encouragement from your sister in the Lord
Cassie

Anonymous said...

You stated that you felt like God is calling you to stay home. I know sometimes our inner voices are louder than Gods in our minds and in our hearts. Maybe the financial issue is God speaking to you that it is time to go to work?

Hua said...

Hi Kristy!

Great blog post. Hope you feel better soon! I really enjoyed reading your blog and learning about parenting. With your positive outlook on life, I feel that your blog would be a great addition to Wellsphere's HealthBlogger Network (HBN). The HBN has over 2,600 bloggers that share a common goal to share their knowledge with others, which enables Wellsphere to provide information that is personal and relevant to over 6 million visitors a month.

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Beth said...

I speak from a year of experience, when I say that God will provide! My husband has been out of work for over a year now and never once have we gone without. Those verses in Matthew have been a constant reminder to me when I get in the worry mode. James is also a good book to read. He will never leave you. The same God that is with you on the mountian top is there to carry you through the valley's of life. You just need to trust that He is big enough to carry the weight...and He is. I pray that you chose to believe God...it's something that I have to work on daily too.

Inkling said...

Oh Kristy, thank you for being so authentic and open. I so needed to hear exactly what you wrote. My husband and I are in a major financial bind too, as well as some other huge things (like figuring out how to get my body healed after a serious birth injury from 8 monhts ago either by waiting for Canada's health care to finally fix me or paying for it somehow in my old home state). I have been so worried that every muscle in my body seems permanently tensed and I've begun clenching my teeth at night. The worry has turned into discouragement, and that has put me in the silent and isolated wilderness where I'm surrounded by doubts once more about God and His supposed care for us. I'm a M.E.S.S., as you say, and your post is going to be one I read over and over again to help me remember to breathe through this hard season.

Thank you. You don't know me, but thank you.

Anonymous said...

I think it is a wonderful situation to be a stay at home mom. However, we all must realize that God always states we should pay our debtors. If it comes down to it speak to your Pastor to get a clearer view and to get a non-biased opinion. If you can stay at home on one income and be able to pay your debts, then yes God is providing you with his will for you to stay home. Sometimes though we mistake His will for our own (I think God wants all mother's to stay at home, but we ignore his will and go into debt). Also, if your husband is dealing with the stress of job loss---maybe it is time to hold him up.

Either way, I do sincerely wish you luck. I know what I am saying will sound harsh, but it not intended to be a personal attack.

Mike and Mindy Aumann said...

Hi Kristy -
I, too, struggle with worry. And these days I struggle with the desire to be home caring for my kids instead of working full time. So, I am continuing to pray for His guidance. I will be praying for your family as well, and I can't wait to see the post that says "HE DID IT!!" :D Our God is good, all the time; and all the time, God is good.
~Mindy

Buttrflygurl2 said...

WOW!!!! Kristy, I have found your blog from The Buckinghams. I found yours for a reason I do believe!
I will keep you in my prayers!!
I am too a "worrier" but I have been able been trying to overcome it. I have made progress.Some.
I am separated from my husband of 20 years. We have so much to overcome. So of course I have worried my self constantly. I have since decided if I follow God's will and let him help me, it will work out.
Thank you so much for the encouragement!!! I am going to follow your blog.
Everything will work out for y'all.....
Love,
Amee

Kristin said...

I'm a chronic worrier. I too have always chalked it up to 'it's in the genes' or 'I'll always be a worrier'. I realized after reading the book "The Bondage Breaker" that is completely a lie from Satan and a sinful pattern that I instinctively fall into. I HIGHLY recommend that book. He's a former pastor who now counsels and it's a powerful book to read.
I need to reread it myself as I am in a pattern of worry about my health. My worry typically stems from health concerns and (obviously) the anxiety/worry only adds to is the source of many of the physical issues.
Thank you Lord for being a patient and loving Teacher.
A sister-in-Christ,
Kristin

Joanne said...

Hi Kristy,

I'm writing in response to your blog entry entilited Spinning. Even though I've never left a comment on your blog, I do read and pray faithfully. I fully understand the journey you and your family are walking. Our family is walking a similar one (different, yet similar). My jusband and I make a cioncerted effort to "not worry", so much easier said than done. We woudl love to have your paryer support as we walk our journey adn will continue to pray for you and yours.

I'd like to share a few things I've learned over time. As difficult as it may be, keep your eyes on the ONE who has made a way before. As difficult as it may be, keep your eyes not on the circumstances that seems to cloud our vision but on the ONE WHO CALMS OUR STORM.

Just as Peter who stepped had faith because he was looking at his Master? Hold on, keep looking at Jesus. I can imagine Peter thinking, I was doing good, I was walking on water but then I began to feel the cold water below my feet and I felt the bitter wind against my face and the huge waves surrounded me and then I began to sink, heart pounding, blood rushing from fear of drowning, thinking death was for certian, could it get any worse then suddenly Jesus took his hand and he realized why did I fear, Jesus was with me all the time. Love you ;) this too shall passs...

I do not have a blog (have considered it but doubt we could afford to maintain one). We do have a caringbridge page. The address is in my signature line. Please feel free to visit and learn more about us.

I try to keep this verse up front and center as we confront the challenges that continually seem to confront us. Thought it woudl be appropriate to share it with you. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Joanne Kocourek (mom to Joshua, Dawn, Annalies and Kristen)
http://www.caringbridge.org/il/annakris

Anonymous said...

I too beleive that worry-ing is septic. It is a very difficult thing to release worry because it is often the only thing we feel we can bring to a topic - i can't fix it - but I can sure worry over it! I have prayed for you and your family many times. I hope that you see HIS divine blessing and provision very soon.

Rebekah said...

I've been fighting worry myself. I don't want to be anxious and uptight during this pregnancy but it's hard after a loss not to be. For the most part though I've set the worries aside and just focused on enjoying each moment I'm blessed with this baby growing inside.