Saturday, January 21, 2012

Ask and You Shall Receive

This week, feeling all too comfortable, and almost complacent, I prayed for God to break my heart. I asked him to open my eyes to what He sees and break my heart for what breaks His. I desperately want to follow hard after Him and long to be used by Him. I don't want to fall into the trap of being lukewarm, I want to do as He commands.

Today it happened. This afternoon I sat through a class in preparation to be a foster mom. I sat through course on child abuse. Tears fell silently as the social worker shared a few sample cases and I had a hard time trying to understand how this world got so broken.

The worker warned that the slides she was about to show were graphic. She also went on to say that if we needed to get up and leave the room she would think no less of us. Sitting there...visions of my own dying babies in my head my body wanted to turn my head and run as far and as fast as I could. I closed my eyes and I prayed. I prayed for the Lord to use this. My heart shattered to pieces as I gazed upon one of His children who had bruises covering his entire back from being beaten with an electrical cord. I asked God for permission to get up and run. It was too much...too much pain...made too real.

I felt his embrace and his nudging of my heart to enter. To allow myself to enter into the pain I feared. To enter in to the pain of His children who were hurting so much. Tears continued to fall as the reality of a parent burning the soles of their child's feet with cigarettes, or making their child stand in boiling water leaving burns on the feet and legs of a sweet toddler burned into my heart. I thought of my own sweet toddler and how she trusts me and knows I would never hurt her. I wondered what must go through the heads of these innocent kids as they are tortured and belittled. My heart broke. I can no longer turn a blind eye. It is hard not to listen to the whisper of Satan, telling me I cannot save them all. My God reminds me constantly that He isn't calling me to save the world...only He can do that...all I can do is love and if we are able to pour the love He has so graciously given to us into the life of even one hurting heart, we are following at a time is what He is asking...He will do the rest.

My heart also broke for the parents who just don't have the tools to parent...who try the best they know how and yet still fall short. Don't we all? Today, God broke my heart. He broke it for the hurting families out there...the hurting children AND the hurting parents. We live in a world so very broken and for some of these families all hope seems lost. Tonight I praise God that all hope is NOT lost. I believe He is calling...he has broken my heart for what breaks his. He has opened my eyes and asked me to enter into their pain, to put my own heart on the line and love unconditionally and with reckless abandon. Love one another...He commands this. How different the world would be if we could all love one another with reckless abandon...I am heartbroken, and excited to get to love His children...for a few moments, a few days or a lifetime. I know this journey is going to be hard, and I know He will be with us each step of the way.

34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35

Have you asked God to break your heart lately?


Jennifer said...

Kristy your post reminds me of the "poem" about the starfish. I know you've read it.

Emily said...

Praying for you, girl. It is not easy, but it IS worth it. His grace will always be enough.

Becky said...

I remember going to the hospital on my birthday to pick up a little boy. He was 18 months and I had never seen such a battered child. For the first time, I wept. The hospital wanted to keep him, but because I had established a relationship with them over the years, they released him. He was so hurting. When the caseworker came to get him for a visit, he had to be peeled off me. My friend was there and said it was the worst thing she had ever seen. We loved him dearly.