I have been very sick the last week. Strep throat to be exact. In the time that I was sick, I actually had a lot of quiet time. Time to read and time to reflect are rarities, and they were mine for three days while I recovered. I am struggling with a few things and am wondering YOUR thoughts. God calls us to a life of radical obedience. He calls us to love Him above ALL else. He even goes so far as to say
“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:26
I believe this verse calls us to love God above all else. to love him SO much that compared to our love for Him, the love for our family resembles hate. I believe God gives us a family and calls us to love them so I don't think he wants us to literally hate them...I "think" it is a comparison thing in this verse.
Anyway, as a mom, wife, woman, I struggle with this..I have let go of two of my own children and while I can praise him through that...I would not choose it. If I were Abraham, and God called me to sacrifice my own family by my own hand, to take the life of the child I prayed for and desperately wanted, part of me wants to say that I would do it in trust and obedience, yet in honesty I am fairly sure I wouldn't. Now we all know how the story goes. We know that God in fact does not allow Abraham to take the life of Isaac, but he was ready to do it...it was IN MOTION.
I guess I feel kind of stuck on this...like where do I go from there? What does it mean if I want to follow Him radically, but if I were given the choice between God or one of my children or husband, I am not sure what I would choose if I am being honest. Do I love my own life too much? How doe one get to THAT place of trust and obedience. It is easy to trust Him when it has already been ripped from your hands and you had no choice in the matter, but how do you choose it?