Monday, July 11, 2011
Some days in the midst of wiping noses, refereeing, and kissing boo boos, I question my importance as a mother. I wonder if a day spent cleaning up spills, folding laundry, and pushing squealing children on swings really matters. It is far from a glamorous life I live. Sometimes I dream and I long to do GREAT things for the Lord...things like traveling to third world countries to help heal some of the hurt, risking everything for His glory. I wonder sometimes if what I am doing is enough. If God looks down and smiles as he sees my hands at work.
That Satan is a sneaky punk. He sneaks in, steals my joy and makes me doubt, but only if I let him. He is subtle, always lurking and ready to play on any insecurity and cause me to fumble. He fools me into thinking I am unworthy of doing great things and incapable of being all God calls me to.
The thing is, God tells me different. I look at the above photo on my camera and it is clear. Motherhood IS a mission. That is not to say that we should settle into a comfortable life and that we will never be called to add to that mission. God IS calling me to great things. I look at this photo of my baby girl, already dreaming of being a mother herself. I watch her as she sings the songs I sing, kisses her baby the way I kiss her and babbles on often repeating phrases I know I have said myself (sometimes mighty humbling).
She is watching. She is learning about what motherhood is from me. I think about what I came into motherhood with and much of it was taught by the mother figures in my life. When I think about this my mind begins to spin. Can you even imagine how much impact we have as mothers on our own children, but also on the generations to come? Our interactions with our children today will shape who they become and will also shape how they parent, good or bad.
For me, motherhood was something I always knew I wanted to experience. I have always wanted to be a mommy and I had great ideas of how things would go and what kind of a mother I would be. I have declared many times how "I would NEVER do that" only to find myself doing that very thing down the road. I think that we often times trivialize our role as a mom. The magnitude is scary. We are, every moment, investing in the eternity of the ones we love most. That gives me goosebumps and butterflies.
I will be the first to tell you that I love being a mom. My heart floods with joy in knowing that God chose five special kids specifically for my care and I stand in awe with the responsibility of what He has trusted me with. I don't take it lightly and I love being with my kids but lately my eyes have been opened to the real mission field of motherhood. Does this sound familiar?
The family sits down to dinner. Prayers are said, food is served and everyone begins to eat. Just as I pick up my fork, one child needs another drink, I get a drink and sit back down, then the next kid needs ketchup, sigh, sit back down and pick up fork, spill...now I huff of to scramble for kitchen towels to sop up the mess all the while complaining under my breath about how my dinner will most certainly be cold by the time I finally get to put it to my lips...then I can't help but wonder (aloud) how I can't seem to lose a pound despite the fact that I can't remember the last time I sat down and ate a whole meal from beginning to end.
During an episode similar to this this week, I felt God grab ahold of me and make some things very clear. Motherhood IS a mission. It is an act of laying yourself down daily and putting other people's needs before your own (though we also need to teach those children to also respect the needs of others). It is grueling and honestly one of the jobs I would consider most closely correlated to the job Jesus did on earth. It is a mission in and of itself and one not to be taken lightly. It is a responsibility that carries more weight that we can imagine and affects the children of now and the children of the future.
God is speaking to my heart this week as it is shattered into a million pieces as I miss a sweet dark haired boy who is celebrating his sixth birthday this week in Heaven. He is reminding me that while it is okay for the tears to flow and my heart to ache, that here, in this valley, he holds me. He equips me and he grasps my quivering chin reminding me how much He loves me, how valuable my role is in the lives of each of my children, and how he has blessed me with each one. I am reminded again that we ARE called to do great things to further the kingdom of the Lord and being a mom is no small task. He has trusted us with the future and it is our responsibility to train them in the way they should go, grasping each moment and loving our kids the way He loves us.
I am missing Isaac more than ever this week, and while I wish he were here, I don't for one minute regret the journey the Lord has us on. I know He knows best, I know his plans for us are good and though I am sorrowful, I am rejoicing in the mission He has given. I get to be a mom to three kids here on earth and to two sweet boys in Heaven. I get to make each moment count and invest in their eternity and honestly I can't think of anything I'd rather do. My prayer is that as our children see us parent and as they long to emulate us, we will reflect the light of the Son and train them in the way they should go. I pray for the patience and the strength to be the Mom God has called me to be and to be intentional with each day we are given.
In an effort to do great things for the Lord, I vow not to miss the GREAT things He has placed directly in front of me. It seems the world has devalued a woman's role as wife and mother and so it would make sense that sometimes in an effort to put those things first it feels as though we are swimming upstream. Lord give me the strength to keep on swimming upstream.
Posted by boltefamily at 11:02 PM