As I sit down to type, words fail me. I stand in awe at the plan the Lord had for us when he gave us Benjamin. Three months after Isaac died, I became pregnant with Ben. In an effort I think to fill the large gaping wound in my heart, I threw myself back into pregnancy and all things baby.
The trouble is that when Ben was born I felt a huge disconnect. They handed him to me and I expected the hurt to heal instantly. It didn't. He wasn't Isaac. I wanted Isaac. Little did I know how much I needed Benjamin. The Lord knew. He wove this wonderful ginger haired babe together perfectly and just for our family.
He wasn't Isaac. Isaac was gone. We were given Benjamin. A bright eyed, red haired boy who would turn our world upside down in the best way possible. God knew we would need a little boy to make us laugh and not take life so seriously. We would need to have his personality added to our brood to help us to laugh again and enjoy all that we've been given. Daily Benisms have soothed our broken hearts.
Ben does everything he does fiercely. He loves fiercely, he plays fiercely and he fights fiercely. He is my polar opposite in so many ways and has been such a blessing in my life teaching me so much more than I could have imagined. He didn't need to live in his brother's shadow, or fill the hole left by him. He just needed to be Ben. God has used this boy in a mighty way. I love you buddy...for all you are and for all you've yet to be!
Don't for one minute think that because you are the middle child, you are forgotten or less important. You hold a very special place in our family and in our hearts and we praise God for you, son!
He has a unique place in our family...sandwiched right between his two brothers in Heaven and he is right where he was meant to be. He has been a tool used by God to show us how blessed we are in the midst of strife and in the midst of our daily mess. He reminds us never to take ourselves so seriously.
He came into this world quickly and intensely and he seems to go about life the same way. He challenges me more than I would like to admit and he blesses my heart more than I could have imagined. I thank the Lord each day for the incredible gift he gave us in Ben. Ben is proof to me that God really does know what is best. He knows what we need and he provides it. My heart overflows with joy in knowing I get to raise this little man. I can already see a work the Lord is doing in this boy and I am so excited to see what He has in store for Ben. Through the light bulb incident, to the numerous calls to poison control, ER visits and quirky Benisms, I can't help but overflow with gratitude that the Lord blessed us with such a precious boy!
Return to Stillness
1 week ago