My heart is still aching...the wounds of Isaac's death are fresh in my mind as I anticipate the birth of my new son. I have so many questions but the reality is right now I MUST wait for answers. I will have another scan on December 18th. We pray that this scan shows major brain development. I pray that this baby is completely healed. Many of the answers I want will not come until birth. Sonograms are limited. I know that this is in God's hands and he will work it out for our good. I will love and cherish this child no matter what package he comes in. Continuing to trust god in the midst of painful and seemingly unjust circumstances is the only way for survival and victory. I know that when I no longer know what to say or how to pray that the Holy Spirit takes over for me and these prayers move the hand of God.
We have to go through difficult and painful circumstances to become more like Jesus. Hebrews 5:8 says that "although he was a son, He learned obedience through what he suffered." In becoming more christlike it is often a painful process. I have heard it described this way...Imagine clay when it is pressed into a mold. There is always excess clay and some must be pushed out and trimmed off. Imagine if clay had feelings...this is what it is like to be molded in Christ's likeness.
So, each and every day I am hurting and confused. I am using my energy to care for myself, my family and this baby. I must surround myself with positive people who will support our decisions and will understand. If you are a friend of mine and you are reading this...please DON'T be afraid to call or ask about the situation. I guarantee I am already thinking about the baby. I feel like everyone is afraid to talk about him because no one wants to hurt my feelings but the truth is that he is just as much my child as Luke, Isaac, or Ben and my love for him is deep and true. My heart is aching but I know this is not over yet! Please pray for us, and continue to be my friend. I am the same person just hurting a little more these days and I need my friends now more than ever. We are going to need an army to get through this and I pray that a healthy baby is the end result! Help me to stay focused and positive. Send prayers and scripture my way. I need to surround myself in faith because that is the only thing that can get us through this!
When the Melanoma gal moves to the Beach
5 years ago
1 comment:
Kristy,
Your blog is amazing. What a great and wonderful way to just get it all out. We started our blog for the same reason, just to keep in touch with everyone.
I think that you are handling this even better than you think you are. You have amazing strength, a great family, and most importantly you trust in the LORD!
I understand how scared you are, it's not fair that this is happening again to you and Howard! Greg and I remind ourselves(A LOT) that He never gives us more than we can handle! I know it seems like it sometimes.
I found this scripture that speaks to me, and i thought you would like it.
Psalms 61:2
"From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I"
We pray daily for your little boy, that he continues to grow and surprises all those crazy doctors by being born healthy and IF, IF something is wrong, than he has the strength to overcome the challenges God had has given him.
What a special son God is giving you, he knows that you will only grow stronger in your faith while going through this.
Kristy, you are a wonderful mother and a faithful servant, continue to fight for this little man, ignore the devil making your doubt your faith and your ability to have a healthy little boy.
Keep your strength, if you need to, steal some of Howard's! Keep hugging Luke and Ben, i'm sure they are daily spirit lifters, i know how much something as small as a simple hug from Maggie can lift my spirits.
Forgive your friends for not knowing what to say, it was the same in the spring when Greg and I had our miscarriage. One of my friends had the courage to actually tell me, they just couldn't talk to me about it because it made them feel guilty about having a healthy normal child. I think it's something that everyone understands, and is scared to talk about, because it could happen to any of us, with any of our children.
We go to Genetics on Tuesday and i'm not looking forward to it at all. I can tell you it was a miracle that you got into Genetics as fast as you did. We tried to schedule our appointment on the day of our check-up(same day as yours) and they had nothing until this week!
If you need anything, anything at all, just ask! We'll be more than happy to help anyway we can. If it's just to say hi or if you need something as silly as a joke or a good mommy story to take your mind off of something, i'm just an email or phone call away!
We're praying, i hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!
-Ginger
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