I HATE ultrasounds!

On November 15th we were scheduled for our routine ultrasound to check the baby's anatomy. We were also hoping to find out the gender and we felt the appointment would go just fine. WRONG again! We did find that we were expecting a 4th boy! That was a bit of a shock to my system, but I truly was excited! The ultrasound tech did not lead us to believe anything was out of the ordinary and we went on to my appointment with the doctor. This is where things changed. Howard and I were in the exam room waiting and joking that there weren't any good boy names left, as we had used them all. The doctor came in with that look on his face. He said, I am so sorry to tell you this but we think something may be going on with the baby. Like Isaac, his head is measuring small. It may be nothing but we are going to send you to Pittsburgh to get it checked. If it were anyone else we would probably wait it out and see but we cannot ignore your history. I am sorry.

WHAT!? I was so confused. I had been told that Isaac's illness had been caused by an infection and that it was not something I needed to continue to worry about. I had asked for genetic testing and had been told that it was unnecessary. How could this be happeing again? The doctor said that there may be a genetic link and we needed to get it checked out.

I felt completely betrayed. I had been told that genetic testing was NOT necessary. What is wrong with me? I can't even grow babys well! I was in total shock. I didn't know what to think. Isaac was a blessing to us and I would never regret having him, but the thought of going through all of that again made me nauseated. I relived Isaac's birth and death over and over in my mind for the next day or so.

The next morning I called first thing to schedule my next appointment. Finally around 3 pm I got a call and my next appointment would be November 20th at 9:30. I clung to the hope that it was nothing. I prayed ever so passionately that my baby's head and brain would grow and develop.