Wednesday, October 22, 2008

8 Months Ago


It has been eight months today since I held my youngest son. Eight months since I kissed his sweet forehead. I wish I could stand here and tell you that eight months out, the pain has diminished. I cannot. It is there. It is always there. I miss that sweet boy so much. In so many ways it seems like eight years ago that we held him and yet it seems just like yesterday. We live on as does his memory and the memory of his big brother Isaac. We speak their names each day. They are very real members of our family though they are unseen. They do show up though.


At Asher's memorial service we handed out seed packets for people to take home and plant in memory of our son. The packets contained zinnia seeds. We planted ours. For quite some time I figured they were not going to come up and it broke my heart. Then just about a month ago....I walked out the front door and saw about eight brilliant orange zinnias (the color of Asher's hair) standing about a foot and a half tall along our walkway. It brought me to my knees. My mother in law also planted hers. She got some really neat colors, reds, yellows, pinks, all kinds of colors. Not me. Nope. I got orange. Now for those who know me you know that orange is by far my favorite color. Somehow...in my packet of seeds...assorted seeds...thousands of seeds...I got orange. Just orange. (I will add a picture later.) This somehow amazes me because we made the seed packets so ALL of the seeds came from the same box. I was blessed with a packet of just orange seeds. They were amazing and I am so thankful for those beautiful orange flowers, a beautiful reminder of a beautiful blessing.


It has been eight months. Our hearts are far from healed, but we are so much better off because Asher lived. I am so grateful for the 35 minutes we were given. Children are such a gift. I have been richly blessed.


Happy Birthday Sweet Asher! You are so loved and missed!

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Asher! Love ya!
Lannea, Eric, & Norah

msharae said...

I got a beautiful bunch of hand-picked zinnias over a month ago and forgot to add water to the Solo cup my guys stuck them in. After the water dried up so did the flowers. I think if they hadn't had water they wouldn't have browned at all. Does that make sense? ANYWAY, I think if you'll get one and go ahead and dry it, it'll stay orange and green for a long time. :)

Erika said...

Oh, your post made me cry. It's been three months since I held my twin daughters who were stillborn, and in some ways it feels like an eternity and in other ways, it feels like a flash of light. How amazing about the orange flowers. Asher chose them just for you! How beautiful.

Thank you for posting this. In my grief, I feel so alone sometimes and although I would never wish this kind of pain on anyone, it is comforting to know that someone else cries and mourns and profoundly misses an infant whose stay on Earth was brief, but whose impact will never be forgotten.

-Erika

Devon Rene said...

That is so amazing about your orange flowers! Just a little gift from your son...

And I love the idea of planting the seeds - Might steal that for the boys first birthday party!

Thinking of you always!

~d

Suzie said...

Happy Birthday Sweet Asher. I know you are so loved and so missed by so many. We all miss you.
**I know you, Issac and Cooper are up there playing, and watching over all of us**

A Look Into Our Lives said...

Thinking of you and praying.
What an awesome story about the orange zinnias... God is so clever!
Happy 8 month birthday, Asher!

asplashofsunshine said...

Happy 8 months little guy!

M said...

Thinking of you tonight. Orange has never been my fav color... prob my least fav before. However I am finding new beauty in the color this season. I hope the flowers are in bloom for you to enjoy for days to come. I think that was a wonderful gift the Lord arranged for you. :) Praying for you. Michelle

The Pittsburgh Hites said...

You should see the ones that came up at mom and dad's Kristy. They are taller than me, and there are soo many of them, they are just beautiful. They are right in the front of the garden and they are the first thing you see when you look out back. I don't remember orange, but I know there are some bright purple!!
Thinking of you my friend, and Asher today!
all our love!!

Jessica mommy to Alex/ RTS said...

Happy birthday Asher. Thinking of you Momma!

Emily said...

Incredible. Happy belated birthday, sweet boy. Share some cake with Miller Grace today, will you? :)

Bobbie said...

Happy 8 months Asher!!!

The VW's said...

God Bless you and your wonderful family! I'm praising God for orange flowers today! What a gift! I continue to pray for all of you.

Kelly said...

Dear Bolte family,

I just came across your website, and this morning I read about your beautiful Isaac and beautiful Asher. How precious they are. My heart aches with you...and your family is now among the list of others who have walked this journey of sorrow and sufficient grace that I am praying for. Your blog, your family, your photos, your story is so touching and beautiful. I'm sure it has been a great comfort to so many. I wanted to share my own story with you. You can read about my family's journey and our precious Faith, Grace, and Thomas:
http://sufficientgrace-kelly.blogspot.com/2008/07/thomas-birthday.html

God has made beauty from ashes in our lives. He has blessed us with a ministry for families who are grieving the loss of a baby called Sufficient Grace Ministries for Women. (www.sufficientgrace.net) And He has carried us through our sorrow with His amazing daily measure of sufficient grace to meet our needs. He is the Comforter. And I'm praying His continued comfort for all of you.

In His Grace,
Kelly Gerken
http://sufficientgrace-kelly.blogspot.com
www.sufficientgrace.net

Amanda said...

Happy birthday, Asher!

mrsrubly said...

happy 8 months Asher! you have changed the lives of very many families sweetheart. you will forever missed and such a wonderful living legacy along with your brother! i hope that your clouds be filled with silver linings and you are as happy as ever sweet boy!

thepipers said...

Isn't the passage of time without your child so strange? I totally feel the same—it's been 13 months, or 13 years, which one?

You know how people tell you that it will get better over time? Someone else recently told me that it doesn't really get "better," it just gets "different." I like that.

Praying for you today as you remember your sweet Asher.

Kirsten said...

Happy birthday Asher!

Bless you Kristy. You are such a precious mommy and friend. Thank you for sharing your life, your boys and your heart with us. You are a blessing to all of us.

Love and hugs to you today!
Kirsten

Mommato6 said...

What a neat experience!!! I had nothing but orange zinnias in my front walkway and yet one single pink flower popped up. Our babies are amazing!!

Kim (marygracesummons.blogspot.com) said...

Kristy,
Thinking of you today. I know you will always miss sweet Asher and Isaac. But what an amazing woman and mother you are because of those two boys. I know sometimes the sadness seems too much (okay, a lot of the times) but it brings tears and joy to my heart for you and really all of us to say they are worth it!! Our sweet blessings are worth it all. For those 35 minutes, 1 moment, 7 hours, 5 days.....I would do it all again and again for that time. You are precious Kristy Bolte and your 4 boys are so blessed to have you and Howard.
With love and continued prayers,
Kim

Corie said...

Thinking about you.

Kirst said...

I type this through tears. What a sweet reminder of Asher. Can't wait to see pictures.