Saturday, October 18, 2008

Finding Freedom

I know I have been a blog slacker lately. I just have been in a weird place, not a bad place, just different I guess. I think for a while now I have been throwing myself into everything I could just to keep busy and after much prayerful consideration, I have backed off a bit. I was finding myself exhausted, frustrated and my spiritual tank was running on well below a quarter of a tank. It has been said to me time and time again that if you don't pause and allow God to fill you, you will run out of steam quickly and I think I was on that path. I have really had nothing to say.

I am happy to say I have been taking time lately to engage in some of my awesome friendships the Lord has blessed me with, I have taken time to simply enjoy the family he has blessed me with and the Bible Study I started is doing exactly what I hoped it would. I am feeling like my tank is filling again. I am breathing in the truth and I cannot tell you what it has done for me personally. As most of you know I started the "He speaks to Me" study by Priscilla Shirer. I have been blessed with a small group of women to walk with me on this journey and I believe God is blessing each of us through this group. It is so much easier for me to take my quiet time and really get into the Bible when I have some structure and direction and this study is AWESOME! Priscilla is surely an anointed teacher and I have been so incredibly touched by her.

SO, I am taking some time to just reflect to think about myself and where I am and where God wants me. I am learning much about what the Bible says about humility, sacrifice, obedience, and grace and I am learning I have much work to do. :-) And I am excited to start excavating the yucky stuff out of me and filling myself with the truth.

I am ready to let go and just follow Him in humble obedience, to a much fuller extent than ever before. I am ready to let go of the sins that are holding me back from having the relationship I desire. I have learned that I have been a prisoner to my own sin and if I believe in God I must trust him completely and turn from all sin and repent. This is the only way to be free. I can't hold on to anything but Him and though it is hard I must trust and obey, He will take care of the rest. I have to say I like the me He is molding me into.

I have had a relationship with God for a while now and I am so glad to see myself moving forward instead of being stuck in a rut. I know I will make mistakes and I know He has enough grace to cover me.

Each night as I pray with Luke and ask him if there is anything he wants to tell God he is sorry for, I think about my own life and for a while I really couldn't think of anything myself, that I was sorry for on some days. I knew I wasn't perfect, but I hadn't really done anything bad, but I am now learning that sometimes it isn't the big stuff, it is the stuff we tend to overlook like pride that we need to examine and repent. Sure, I got through the day without, stealing, killing, worshipping false idols or coveting my neighbor's wife, :-) but surely there are sinful things in my nature that need to be excavated. I am learning I need to love others, especially when they may not deserve it in my eyes, I mean do we really deserve the love God gives? Of course not! But He lavishes us with it anyway and that is what he wants us to do for each other!

So I am moving forward, not on, but forward. I am still chillin' in the wilderness, and right now I think it is the best place for me to be right now. I am learning so much and growing so much closer to the God who understands my heart exactly. For so long I fought to breathe, and struggled, and I am still just as broken as before, but am forcing myself to inhale and exhale and finding freedom in the truth of His Word. This is just where I need to be! So, friends, no worries, I am doing fine. God is working overtime!

13 comments:

Laurie said...

Thank you for this honest post Kristy. It is so true for most of us I think. I have seen such growth in your words here over this past year and I like the person God is molding you to be too. Keep chillin' in the wilderness as long as necessary. God will let you know when it is time to come in from the cold. He loves you so very much. I do too. Hope your weekend is a really blessed one.

Love, Laurie in Ca.

Gabbin' with Giff said...

Just what I needed to hear tonight. So refreshing! Thank you for sharing!

Kenzie said...

Kristy-

Thank you so much for sharing the journey that the Lord has you on... where you are and what He is teaching you... I also really appreciate you sharing about the "what you're sorry for". We started doing this with Deacon and I have felt the same way. Today was the same as most of the last few weeks and I haven't done anything really sinful... right?! NO, not me? Gosh, I have SO MANY things to be repentant of and yet, sitting there with my son I come up with some of the most insignificant, silly things. I felt so guilty when we first started it- the very first night- when he said what he wanted to tell God he was sorry for and then when he came up with something I said "and how about x...?" The gall of me, to point out my son's sins and yet "can't come up with anything" of my own. Anyways, I just wanted to tell you I love you and thanks for sharing. You're so awesome!

Love you and praying,
Kenzie

Becky said...

I found your blog through angel babies. I just lost a baby at 20 weeks - so, so hard. She was our fifth child. My fourth reminds me a lot of your son. He is now six. He was born with basically a brain stem - very little brain matter. His name is Benjamin and he is our little piece of heaven on earth. I have a blog for him if you would like to visit. The address is: http://benjaminorton.blogspot.com/

May you continue to heal from your loss. I will keep you in my prayers. Lovingly, Becky Orton

Steve+Marie Douglas said...

This is so beautiful; the inner-peace.
BLESSINGS ON YOUR WALK MY FRIEND.

Just Me said...

Funny how not writing on your blog for three days makes you a "blog slacker", but I guess I was not alone in missing you and your words :o)

I am SO glad that the Bible Study came together because it sounds like that is exactly what you needed. It is great to read that you are "Finding Freedom" and enjoying spending time with friends and family.

Hugs and prayers,
Amanda

msharae said...

This was a good post to start the day with, especially a day as busy as today promises to be for me! It was nice to read about how you're working to let go and let God fill you, and that you're taking the time to enjoy the wonderful blessings He's given you (and to figure out how to love beyond the lovable, hehe).

I'm glad that your Bible study is going well, and that you're growing toward God. :) Thank you for sharing!!

The VW's said...

Glad to hear that you are doing fine! Thanks for the very important reminders and lessons!

Devin said...

Oh Kristy. Such a GREAT place to be.

Praying daily for you, my friend.

Melissa Dovel said...

Dear sweet Kristy,

your words of freedom are water to my soul. I have been walking in a horrible place this weekend. (regarding a friend). I feel so horrible and I know I shouldnt! I know I need to lay it at His feet and if HE see fit and uplifting to glorify Him then all will be restored. I do need to spend some time 2night with the Lord repenting for some unforgivness. I pray that the Lord continues to use you in ways you never thought possible. Your an amazing woman of God and I am proud to have you as a blogland friend.

Blessings
Melissa

2jne said...

Glad you are doing well and giving yourself some time to be refilled!! Although I love reading your posts and miss it when you don't, I understand needing some time to recharge!!!
We are praying for you :)
Jessica

lambofHisflock said...

"Be still and know that I am God." This verse was also my verse in my time of loss. It is so powerful... to rest in His arms. Thank you for sharing your journey. You are in my prayers.

mrsrubly said...

wonderfully written! i think i am at the point where you are with god. still in the wilderness and seaking the truth and position! i myself need to go to bible study and learn about the truth! i am so happy for you that this is panning out and your spirit tank is looking half full!