You Take the Good You Take the Bad...These are Our Facts of Life

Disclaimer: This post is just what works for ME personally, it is in no way a response to the fact that many moms change blogs. For months I have struggled with this. Coming here to write of my joy when I know this blog is read by moms who are just starting their grief journey seemed wrong. I remembered being in their shoes and wanted to be sensitive to that sting, and was contemplating starting a new blog. I think that for a lot of people that makes perfect sense, to move blogs, for me though, after much prayer and consideration, I feel this is where I belong at least for now. I think it is a personal decision that is different for everyone and there is NOTHING wrong with starting new, in fact I am sure it is what is best for many. This is just me. :)




So I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about what I want to do with this blog. I have been toying with the idea of starting a new blog. I know after losing Asher when I would visit a blog of a mom who was pregnant or had a new baby, it literally made me want to vomit. As each of the families I followed announced a pregnancy my heart would sink. I knew that they were still grieving moms and I knew from experience that having a new baby does not in any way make better what went so terribly wrong. It shifts your focus but doesn't change your reality. I knew that and yet I still had a hard time continuing to visit those blogs even though I was immensely happy for these families.

All that said, I have decided to stay right where I am...I think that for some it makes sense to start a new blog, kind of a fresh start. For me it seems right to just keep plugging on. That is what we do. We take the good, we take the bad and we deal with them. Those are the facts of our life. We have been blessed with five great children and each of them are equal contributors to our family. They are our Ohana, and as we know from Lilo and Stitch, Ohana means family, and family means no one gets left behind or forgotten (I actually cannot stand that movie, but LOVE that line!.)

The thing is, we are living here on earth without two of our boys and though we miss them dearly and ache for them daily, we want to show that our God is bigger than any circumstance we could imagine. He brings us through it all and we continue to keep on keepin' on. My hope is that this blog can be a source of hope, not in that having more babies will fix the brokenness of the loss one feels after losing a child, but that in whatever form God sees fit, he has a plan and will carry you through the toughest of times. Sometimes this means continuing to grow a family and sometimes it means many other things. He uses our brokenness.

We miss Isaac and Asher and we think of them daily, heck my emotions run the gamut daily, I am elated yet I am sad. That is life. It is what it is. We are forever changed by Isaac and Asher and it shapes and molds most of what we do daily. We are different people forever because of them. Though there is a huge emptiness in our hearts, we must continue to press on and do the work the Lord has put before us. We have bad days where it is tough to function and we have other days that almost seem "normal".

Our story is multifaceted. We have a child who was born early, but perfectly healthy, a child who died at six days old of severe microcephaly, a cute redhead who was born with a birth defect called hypospadias that we are STILL trying to get fixed despite three surgeries and the fact that it is a mild case. A sweet boy who died after thirty five short moments in our arms, due to severe microcephaly, fluid on the lungs, and a heart defect, and a sweet girl who makes our hearts smile with each and every coo who has an extremely RARE disease called Epidermolysis Bullosa. Some might say we hit the genetic lottery, and not necessarily in a good way.

It isn't neat and pretty and tied up with a bow but it is our life. It is real, and this is how we are living it. I would be honored if you would continue to follow and pray for us, but if it hurts right now to see pictures of babies, I get it. I do, I have been there. It gets easier yet that nagging never really goes away, at least for me it hasn't. I still have moments where I cry out to God wondering why nothing can be easy, yet when it comes down to it...this is His plan for me, this is what is best, and we are making the best of it. Sometimes it hurts like Hell and sometimes the Joy is overwhelming. I am here to be real and share it all.

Thank you for joining us on this journey. You have no idea the encouragement you have been and continue to be for us. When I have one of those whiny days where fear is creeping in and it all seems to be too much, I come here and it is like a sweet community of people who love us, are pulling for us, and petitioning God on our behalf and I KNOW how blessed we are!

Thank you for continuing to pray for our family, I can say that my fear for Hope is lessening most days, I am enjoying her more, and she is doing AWESOME. I have to think your prayers have something to do with that. :)