Friday, August 21, 2009

You Take the Good You Take the Bad...These are Our Facts of Life

Disclaimer: This post is just what works for ME personally, it is in no way a response to the fact that many moms change blogs. For months I have struggled with this. Coming here to write of my joy when I know this blog is read by moms who are just starting their grief journey seemed wrong. I remembered being in their shoes and wanted to be sensitive to that sting, and was contemplating starting a new blog. I think that for a lot of people that makes perfect sense, to move blogs, for me though, after much prayer and consideration, I feel this is where I belong at least for now. I think it is a personal decision that is different for everyone and there is NOTHING wrong with starting new, in fact I am sure it is what is best for many. This is just me. :)




So I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about what I want to do with this blog. I have been toying with the idea of starting a new blog. I know after losing Asher when I would visit a blog of a mom who was pregnant or had a new baby, it literally made me want to vomit. As each of the families I followed announced a pregnancy my heart would sink. I knew that they were still grieving moms and I knew from experience that having a new baby does not in any way make better what went so terribly wrong. It shifts your focus but doesn't change your reality. I knew that and yet I still had a hard time continuing to visit those blogs even though I was immensely happy for these families.

All that said, I have decided to stay right where I am...I think that for some it makes sense to start a new blog, kind of a fresh start. For me it seems right to just keep plugging on. That is what we do. We take the good, we take the bad and we deal with them. Those are the facts of our life. We have been blessed with five great children and each of them are equal contributors to our family. They are our Ohana, and as we know from Lilo and Stitch, Ohana means family, and family means no one gets left behind or forgotten (I actually cannot stand that movie, but LOVE that line!.)

The thing is, we are living here on earth without two of our boys and though we miss them dearly and ache for them daily, we want to show that our God is bigger than any circumstance we could imagine. He brings us through it all and we continue to keep on keepin' on. My hope is that this blog can be a source of hope, not in that having more babies will fix the brokenness of the loss one feels after losing a child, but that in whatever form God sees fit, he has a plan and will carry you through the toughest of times. Sometimes this means continuing to grow a family and sometimes it means many other things. He uses our brokenness.

We miss Isaac and Asher and we think of them daily, heck my emotions run the gamut daily, I am elated yet I am sad. That is life. It is what it is. We are forever changed by Isaac and Asher and it shapes and molds most of what we do daily. We are different people forever because of them. Though there is a huge emptiness in our hearts, we must continue to press on and do the work the Lord has put before us. We have bad days where it is tough to function and we have other days that almost seem "normal".

Our story is multifaceted. We have a child who was born early, but perfectly healthy, a child who died at six days old of severe microcephaly, a cute redhead who was born with a birth defect called hypospadias that we are STILL trying to get fixed despite three surgeries and the fact that it is a mild case. A sweet boy who died after thirty five short moments in our arms, due to severe microcephaly, fluid on the lungs, and a heart defect, and a sweet girl who makes our hearts smile with each and every coo who has an extremely RARE disease called Epidermolysis Bullosa. Some might say we hit the genetic lottery, and not necessarily in a good way.

It isn't neat and pretty and tied up with a bow but it is our life. It is real, and this is how we are living it. I would be honored if you would continue to follow and pray for us, but if it hurts right now to see pictures of babies, I get it. I do, I have been there. It gets easier yet that nagging never really goes away, at least for me it hasn't. I still have moments where I cry out to God wondering why nothing can be easy, yet when it comes down to it...this is His plan for me, this is what is best, and we are making the best of it. Sometimes it hurts like Hell and sometimes the Joy is overwhelming. I am here to be real and share it all.

Thank you for joining us on this journey. You have no idea the encouragement you have been and continue to be for us. When I have one of those whiny days where fear is creeping in and it all seems to be too much, I come here and it is like a sweet community of people who love us, are pulling for us, and petitioning God on our behalf and I KNOW how blessed we are!

Thank you for continuing to pray for our family, I can say that my fear for Hope is lessening most days, I am enjoying her more, and she is doing AWESOME. I have to think your prayers have something to do with that. :)


33 comments:

Allison said...

Im glad you are staying right where you are! I love your family and I love being able to follow along with your life. My prayers and thoughts will continue to follow you guys!

Laurie in Ca. said...

Oh Kristy, I am with you in your life for the long haul. I don't come to your blog to be entertained, though sometimes that is just what it is:) I come to read and know how to pray for you and encourage you if I can. Howard and your lives amaze me and bless me so much. You guys are family to me in my heart and I think of you as a daughter. I love you guys and will be one of your followers forever:) There is a place in my heart just for the Boltes, all seven of you. I love you.

Love and Hugs, Laurie

Logan and Jack's Mommy said...

I found your blog randomly while blog hopping, and I find it quite inspiring. Despite all that you and your family has been through, you find joy. I look at your page and I see hope, not bitterness. That is truly amazing. I am proud of you for sticking with your original blog. You're right, life is good and bad; happy and sad; joyful and heartbreaking.

Corie said...

I look forward to continue to read your story. I have been blessed by it all. Keep writing sister...you are doing a great job. Sending hugs your way.

Brookeanne said...

Thank you for choosing to stay where you are :). I have reflected on more than one occasion how I would feel having a blog with so many strong memories, and can't guarentee what I would do, I am glad that you opted to stay with it. This is a very special (technological) scrapbook of memories, and I love being able to peek in and be a part of it. All my best to you and your family!

Amy said...

I'm glad you've chosen not to change your blog. I'm about to hit the 4 month mark of my son's death next week, and as much as it hurts my heart to see other babies, it gives me so much hope. Your faith is an amazing inspiration and I love reading your story.

kimberly said...

YAY! May God continue to Bless and Keep you and yours close.
Peace in Him.
kimberly

Rebecca said...

I prayed for you this morning while reading my Hope devotional. I understand the thing about starting a new blog too. So many of the blogs I come across were started with the express purpose of chronicling their journey through 'suffering' whatever form that came in. For me, I was a blogger for years before my loss of Olivia and sometimes it's confusing to know whether I should intermingle posts about new recipes or crafts with incredible grief. Totally bizarre for me. But like you said, that's the facts of life. My life.

Thanks for sharing. I will continue journeying with and praying for you, sometimes through my own tears and sometimes through joy.

Rob and Amy said...

Perfect to stay right where you are :) I am always in prayer for your sweet family...thank you for being an inspiration to so many...

Sheryl said...

love ya. glad you've decided to continue on here. as you said so well, this is your story and it's one that God is using mightily.

Penny said...

I, thankfully, have no clue what you and others who've lost babies have been through. Your story is heartbreaking.
I do, however, know what it's like to have a chronically ill child (mine had a blood disorder) and have fear for your child rear it's ugly head daily. This same child also had a severe anxiety disorder (Selective Mutism) so I had overprotective mom disorder. LOL
Despite all that we've been through, I continue to feel blessed. Sometimes, like you, it was knowing that she was being lifted up to our Father by others daily. Sometimes, it was just experiencing people's kindness towards her. There were many blessing and miracles we were privileged to experience through our journey. I'm sure you can identify with that. Also, many opportunities to share our witness and our faith with her testimony. You do that, too.
Keep pushing that fear away and continue to just enjoy your daughter and Ben and Luke, of course. What you've been through offers hope to others. Your struggles and willingness to share has probably led several people to Christ or drew them closer in their walk. Your story does encourage others. That's why we come back. =) God bless.

Amanda said...

Thanks for your honesty Kristy. I so enjoy reading your blog and I understand. God gave us each a path to walk and I'm so glad he understands the big picture because I don't. Hang in there! Love from PA.
A.

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

Stay right here. Your story touches so many...

~*~amanda~*~ said...

Amen.

Mommato2miracles said...

Well said! Life has its hardships and although we never will understand on this earth the reason things happen the way they do, we know that God is walking with us. I often think of the little one I lost and was never allowed to grieve openly about. I am thankful for your story and for being able to grieve for my loss by rejoicing in your beautiful Hope. A blog such as yours allows me to hold on to my little boy and yet move on with the two miracles that have stayed on this earth with me. Thanks for sharing your encouraging words, heartfelt emotions, joy, sadness, and love for the Lord. You bring me and I am sure many others great joy and comfort. I pray for you often, and for sweet Hope!

Stacey said...

I'm a mom of 13 little angels. Two little boys are with us on earth and 11 are above looking down (one little girl named Emma Grace). I thoroughly enjoy reading your posts and absolutely love your sense of humor, while admiring your faith in God.

I'm glad that you've decided to stay put. In some odd way, although your circumstances are quite different, I feel comforted by your words. Sometimes my emotions get the best of me, but that's expected with the cards I've been dealt. I'm just taking life one step at a time. Thanks for sharing your beautiful and charming family with me.

Stacey from CA

Trisha Larson said...

I can't begin to tell you how much you hit the mark with me today. I've watched so many women that were walking with me get pregnant in the last year. With each one of them I had to pull away. I couldn't stand to watch them enjoy what I had been praying for for the last 17 months since Nate died...but God has continually said no to.

I HAD to pull away to survive. Seeing pregnant women or newborns was like torture. But now, I'm faced with that again. I'm faced with watching people that I'm walking with find out that their pregnant while I continue to struggle. My immediate reaction was that oh darn, now I can't be friends with them anymore. But after I really thought about it, I discovered that I didn't really feel that way anymore. I think that I'm in a place in my life now where I can enjoy watching everyone else as they are blessed by a new baby. Even if my womb is still empty. It makes it a heck of a lot easier to be happy for them knowing that they came from a place where I've been. Not just another friend or family member that got pregnant and has no idea what it's like to lose a child.

So, I thank you for sharing something that has been on my heart.

Meg said...

I am so glad you decided to stay right here, if you didn't I would have never found your story. Your story is such an inspiration to me. :)

The Dortenzos said...

Thanks for sharing your life and story!!! God certainly is using you to bless the lives of many!!! I am glad you are staying where you are--God comes to us right where we are, not in the old, the new, the painted over, the made up, etc. He wants us just as we are:)

G & H said...

That was so beautiful! I am so blessed to follow your journey and am so glad you are staying right where you are ( blog wise)

XOXO

Hilary said...

Wonderfully written.
I will always follow along with you and pray for your beautiful family!
Thanks for letting us inside your family and your heart.
You have a beautiful heart....

Marie said...

I'm glad you're staying here, for some reason I find when someone I've been following changes blogs, I forget about them, and then can't remember the new address because I went to the old one for so long! If grieving moms find it hard to see Hope, perhaps they will take a little break and come back here when the pain is not as raw, just like you did.

As Trisha said above, unfortunately those who have lost children will be faced with it again and again and you just learn to live with it. You don't have to change your blog for that reason, and if anything it's good to see how you have joy in Hope - yet having her didn't replace the boys and make everything better again. I think there is a misconception that having a new baby ends the pain of losing another one, and you're very good at articulating that it doesn't work that way.

Susie (So Blessed) said...

This post title reminded me of a scripture I came across last week that really spoke to me...


Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?

Job 2:10


Kristy, I think that you are a beautiful testimony to the answer to this question...and your sharing of your journey is an inspiration for many people.

Miche said...

I love your blog. It was quite a few months ago when I found it's through Stacy's blog.

Your words today were very well spoken especially the paragraph about hitting the genetic lottery.
That one really hit home for me because so far my husband and I are right there with you. We have suffered on miscarriage and the loss of our little girl Megan Grace just 8 weeks ago all due to genetic issues.

I'm anxious to see how our story continues to unfold just as you are.

Thank you!

Penny said...

Glad to see you staying put! I also have seen the happy during my sad. For me unless I was in the middle of a pity party it gave me hope. Hope for tomorrow and blessings to come.

Your journey is a blessing to others.

Kenzie said...

Kristy-
I totally agree with your disclaimer, that this isn't for everyone... but when I was pregnant with Faith Clare I felt the same huge conflict of what to do. I kept going back and forth and of course Dusty had a different perspective. I titled my blog, way back when we had just received Maddox's diagnosis, "the Stanfield Journey"- he said that this is our life and represents who I am, what we do as a family and where we are- in the grief, in the joy, in good days and in bad. I totally get it and you know that I will always be here with you! All 5 of your babies are precious to my heart and I can't wait to hold that sweet 5th one soon.

Love you friend,
Kenz

luci said...

I have been reading your blog and praying for your family for a while now. I'm happy that you are planning to continue!

luci said...

I have been following your blog and praying for your family. I am happy that you will be continuing!

Crystal Theresa said...

Dear Kristy,

I just wanted to share a photo I took for you on Mother's Day, while I was at the beach. (I posted it on my blog here: http://fragments.louielovescrystal.com/calvin-phoenix/calvins-friends/)

Let me know if you'd like me to send you the higher resolution photo.

Asher and Isaac are in my thoughts.

God Bless,
-Crystal

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Kristy...I loved this post. And, I'm glad you are blogging about all of the "facts of life". All of our children are part of our family. Well said...even the quote from Lilo and Stitch. (I agree...did not love the movie, but thumbs up to the quote!) Your family continues to be in our prayers and your faith is inspiring. Thank you...

Love and Prayers,
Kelly Gerken

Susan said...

Kristy, I think staying right here is perfect. I also wanted to say that I must've missed that Ben has hypospadias. Our Aaron (the one with only one kidney) had it too.

I keep seeing you guys in pictures on facebook- Tim Hull is good friends with my husband! (And my sister went to college with Jennifer.)

It seems we may have been running in the same circle without even knowing it, before my husband and I moved to Pittsburgh.

It makes reading your blog (and the fact that I found you randomly one day) all the more special to me!

Praying for you & your family, Kristy, keep writing, right here where you belong. ;)

ATALW said...

Praying is so mighty! I have become quite attached to your little family and I am glad you are staying!!

*Hugs and prayers, always!*

-Tiffany!

Dina said...

Very well said!

I love your blog and have been following for awhile now. I can't even begin to imagine your pain or loss, but I thank you for sharing it with all of us. And I equally thank you for sharing your happiness with us too.

I continue to pray for you and your family.

~Dina