Inconsequential

I got online today to blog about our recent experience with Satan. Yep, he is a sly dog and he is at work...we have been attacked from all sides lately and I find myself growing weary. As Asher's THIRD birthday approaches, I find myself looking back at my blog from this time three years ago. Three years ago today, this was my post:

Tomorrow is our first of our weekly crazy doctor appointments. Tomorrow at 12:30 I will be having a non stress test to be sure that the baby is still doing well. I will be hooked up to heart rate and contraction monitors and they will monitor the baby's well being. I then will be having a sonogram to determine the baby's position to help us decide how to go forward with birth and they will also be taking measurements in this sonogram to determine if there has been any growth or change. Then we will be meeting with the doctor to discuss all of this.

Please pray that the baby is doing and continues to do well in the womb as we would like him to stay put for a few more weeks.

We are still not giving up on him, so please continue praying for growth and brain development as well as growth and development as a whole.

Please pray that God will give us wisdom in knowing what decisions to make about method of delivery.

Benjamin is again going through a really clingy time since he has been left with others lately. Please pray that he and Luke adjust well to this new weekly doctor appointment and spending time with family and friends who also love them.

Please continue to pray that happy stays put for a few more weeks, we do not need to deal with prematurity on top of any other health issues he may have.

Please pray for us to have peace as we continue on this journey.

Thank you all so much for your continued prayer and support. It is great to know we have so many people petitioning God on our behalf! We know our prayers will be answered!

Interestingly, putting things into perspective, all of my whines and moans and prayer requests for today seem so inconsequential, compared to the magnitude of what was going on in our family three years ago. My heart aches so much today for that sweet boy. I would do just about anything to hold him in my arms just once more. To kiss him on his sweet forehead and tell him just how much I love him and just how much I look forward to the day that all of this is made right.

February 17th 2008 was the beginning of the end for Asher, his health steadily declined from the stress test performed that day, until he had to be born on the 22nd. It was a time of such inexplicable peace through the pain. I am so thankful that the Lord granted us 35 minutes with that miracle boy...no, it will never be enough, but it will always be with me.

Each year we typically go to a hotel and stay overnight and just relax as a family for Asher's birthday, and though we would love to do that again, we feel called to use the money we had set aside for that to buy a set of bunk beds for whatever foster kids come into our home in the coming months and years. I struggle with how to celebrate him each year, but I do think our taking Jesus at His word, and stepping out in faith to take in "the least of these" would make him smile. He can't be here with us, but surely there is a little one out there that needs our home.