Another Lesson Learned

So it was brought to my attention by SEVERAL sweet friends that it has been over a week since I wrote about what is going on with me. No worries. We are fine. This past week was "Fair Week" in that our town has a fair that runs Tuesday through Saturday and what do little boys like better than, animals, tractors, mud and cotton candy!? We have been enjoying each other. It has been a busy week and I will try to catch you all up to speed this week.


This past Saturday, we attended a tree planing for all babies in our area who have gone to Heaven. It was a rainy day but it was a great day to be surrounded by other people who are walking the same road. I attend a support group monthly with these parents and it is such an honor to know each of them. It was especially great Saturday because we all brought our entire families.



After the tree planting, which was at a local Nature Center, we headed in for lunch and an amazing program they put on for the kids. As lunch was winding down the kids began to run around and play together. It was good to see the children having a good time as we all chatted at the tables. That was when it happened...probably the lowest parenting moment I have experienced.....



My boys were running with some of the other children and they were all laughing when all of a sudden I heard a familiar voice shout "You IDIOT!" I looked over and Luke was looking right at me knowing his world was about to come crashing down. Things were so crazy I didn't even see who he said it to, but was certain it was my sweet boy who had said those mean words.



I looked at Howard and took a deep breath. I called Luke to me and took him outside. I was stunned because I have no idea where he heard the word and I had no idea how I was going to handle this. We are very careful about what the kids are exposed to and when they do hear something inappropriate we are sure to address it.



We sat down in the hallway and this was our conversation:



Me: Luke, do you know why mommy brought you out here?



Luke: Yes, mommy, I do.



Me: Why did I bring you out here?



Luke: I said "Indiant"



Me: Do you know what that word means Luke?



Luke: No, is it a mean word mom?



Me: Yes Luke. Where did you hear that word?



Luke: I don't know mom. Why is it a mean word? What does it mean?



Me: Anytime you are calling someone a name it is not a nice thing to do no matter what. That word means you are telling someone they aren't smart. That just isn't nice. Our rules are to be kind and be safe...calling someone names isn't kind.



Luke: Oh, (as he begins to weep) I didn't know that, really mom, I didn't.



Me: I know you didn't Luke, but you should not ever use a word if you don't know what it means.



Luke: Yesterday at the Fair I said the ride was exhilarating and you laughed about that, I don't really know what that means.



Me: Well exhilarating IS a good word, that ride was exhilarating...it was exciting and fun, but if you aren't sure what a word means it is better to ask mommy or daddy before you use a word.



Luke: Okay mommy. I am really sorry.



Me: I know Luke, but I think you need to tell that to the person you said that word to and then you need to come sit with mommy and daddy.



Luke: OK mom.



So, after this incident, I have to admit I was mortified. My children are usually very well behaved and are wonderful in public especially. We always get compliments on how well behaved they are. I guess in some ways I have used that as validation that I am succeeding as a parent. This shook me. I wanted to crawl under a rock. I could not help but thinking "Oh my, everyone in this room must think I am a horrible parent!" They must think that we use that word at home and we most certainly do not! Funny how we are quick to take credit for our children's successes, but we want to make it known that we could not possibly be responsible for their failures. When the truth is kids make decisions. It is our job to guide them as they make those decisions so they learn to make good ones. Sometimes a poor decision is part of the learning process.



After giving it much thought, we do often define ourselves by our children and their actions. Their actions reflect our parenting, right? In thinking about that, I thought about how TRULY mortified our Father must be when we do things that do not reflect his teachings. We all make mistakes often, we are imperfect broken people who do wrong things. Think of all the words we use that God would CERTAINLY not approve of. Yet he handles us with such incredible grace.


Though this incident is one that made my heart sink and embarrassed me terribly it did make me look inward. It made me take a look at some of the things I do, maybe without even knowing the magnitude, that would likely make God wince. We all make our own choices. God gave us free will and we surely all abuse it at times. Luke certainly did not reflect our family values by using that word, and he certainly learned a lesson. Often times we do not do a very good job reflecting the Light of our Heavenly Father, He is perfect and good and we fall short, but he will continue teaching us and loving us allowing us to make poor choices along with the good ones, learning from them all!