An Empty Crib

Last night in our home, a crib stood empty. Despite our circumstances it is the first time in a really long time that this has happened (and the children were not in our bed). Benjamin wants to be more and more like Luke each and every day and last night he moved into his "big boy bed". We had not planned ahead for this. I was working last night and while I was working, Howard took it upon himself to go and get a mattress from friends of ours who offered one a while ago and he prepared the bed for Ben, crisp sheets, blankies, pillows, even a bed rail.

I work from home teaching students online in the evenings so when I emerged from the bedroom after my four hour shift I was surprised by what I saw and a little taken back. I took a deep breath as this is something we have been talking about doing for a while. The boys were in the tub and I asked Howard if tonight would be the night we moved Ben into the bunk beds we purchased when we found out Asher would be joining us. We figured we would need the crib for him and we have a small home, so the bunk beds were a perfect choice.

Howard said it was up to me. He looked at me knowing that there was more to it than just having Ben sleep in different bed. When Asher did not come home from the hospital we did NOT come home to an empty nursery or crib. Ben's sweet little body slept sweetly in that space. There was not a physical emptiness in those places. One bunk bed stood empty but that was somehow easier to deal with.

After bathing the boys we PJed (I doubt that is a word) them and the four of us sat on the floor of Luke's bedroom and read a few Christmas stories. It was such a sweet time as Ben repeated "Do not be afraid! I bring good news!". Then Luke climbed to the top bunk and Ben cheerfully climbed into the bottom. He was so excited. As Howard and I said our goodnights and walked down the hall we heard "I love you Luke, good night!" "I love you Ben, Good Night". My heart melted. AAAAAAAAHHHH brotherly love.

Then as I got to the end of the hall and peered into the empty nursery where the crib also stood empty it hit me like a ton of bricks. Ben is growing up. He is such a joy to us, but my baby isn't still a baby, and the baby I had intended to sleep in this crib after him never will.

For now that crib, the crib we purchased for each of our children to drift off to dreamland in is empty. Two of our children have slept there and two of our children never will. I know this is how God intended it, but somehow it just doesn't seem right.