Friday, December 12, 2008

A New Hope

I have been feeling unsettled lately. Some of it has to do with our finances, some of it has to do with the quickly approaching holiday season that I love so much, yet tugs at my heart, some of it has to do with missing Isaac and Asher, and some of it has to do with my hope for this new baby.

(One thing at a time Kristy!) So I have tried to remain in prayer about these things as I know I am to be anxious about nothing. Easier said than done I have to say, but I have made a bit of headway in one of those areas.

As I pray for this new baby I cannot help but be a bit confused as to how God would have me pray. So I just tell God that. I tell him that I know his plan for my life is perfect, but that I desperately want this baby to come home with us. I say that I know he will bring us through whatever comes and that I am so keenly aware of what a gift this new life is. He has blessed us. I know that He gives, He takes away, and yet we will praise Him. I am His daughter first, but I am also a mommy, a mommy that wants her children with her. Ultimately I do pray for His will to be done, but I also want my baby. That is the truth...that is what I tell Him.

As I struggle with how to feel about all of this, God is answering. He has several times in the past week reminded me of something.

At the support group I attend this past week a very wise woman reminded me that this baby is not Luke, Isaac, Ben or Asher. This is a NEW baby, a new life, and a new hope. God has given us children and he has taken children and that is our experience, but that does not mean he WILL choose to take away again. She told me just to remind myself that this is a different circumstance, that while I should continue to allow what God has done in our lives, shape and mold our future, I cannot continue to look back in fear.

In addition to her words, several people have brought my attention to a scripture that has also showed up in several of my daily readings. Coincidentally?? Not a chance.

This is the scripture He is reminding me of:

For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.

Isaiah 43:19

I cannot pretend to know what lies ahead for this new little blessing or for our family, but this baby is a new life, bringing new hope. He/she does not in any way replace anything that has been lost, nor does our hope lie in him or her. Our hope lies in God. The God that is doing something new in our life, adding a new chapter. He is the author of this story and we do not know how the chapter will go, but what we can be sure of is that this is a new experience and that no matter what he will lead us through it giving us the grace and strength to greet each day with new hope.

8 comments:

Nicole O'Dell said...

Beautiful.

Mrs B said...

Know that all of out in "iternet land" are here to support you as you walk down this unknown path. We are all praying for you too. Have a Merry Christmas.

Sheryl said...

Just wanted to say "hi". Praying for you as I read this post. Love how you are talking to God. He knows what is in our hearts and minds anyway. So we may as well just pray that all back to Him. He IS doing a new thing.

Love to you, Kristy!
~Sheryl

Nicole said...

Awesome Awesome post! Praying for a hopeful weekend for you!

bri said...

That was beautifully written Kristy. That brings tears to my eyes. Truly. I struggle with the same things. I know that our season now is adoption/foster care. But I feel some day HE is going to call me to do the unthinkable again and it is going to be VERY HARD. I am going to read this post over an over again when that day comes!

Thanks for being so vulnerable and telling it like it is!

Corie said...

Well said...praying so much for you and what is ahead! You are doing this well my friend

sumi said...

Amen!

HUGS...

Pipsylou said...

"that does not mean He will choose to take a child again."

That is so true. I get stuck in that rut when we think about another pregnancy.

This baby is a new life, with a story yet unwritten!

How exhilarating and frightening and exciting!