Saturday, March 31, 2012

Stepping Out in Faith

This whole adoption journey has been a HUGE faith walk for me...if you'd have asked me a year ago if I thought we'd be standing where we are right now, I would have laughed. I knew we didn't have the money, and money has always been a huge stumbling block of mine...I have always had a hard time relying on God in the financial arena.

He has shown me time and time again that He is able...and that he will not leave me...even when it comes to money. He is showing me yet again that what I once thought impossible is in fact His specialty.

Tuesday night I took a step in faith that was even harder. With the upcoming Easter holiday I had called our homestudy caseworker to see if our April 5th final homestudy visit could be moved up, knowing FULL WELL she was so busy it was tough to even get us in then...I spoke with her Monday and "surprisingly" there was an opening at 3:30 the next day. I asked what she'd be looking for and she went over the list with me. Outlet covers, locked medicine box, locked cleaners, fire extinguishers, running water, flushing toilets, a bed for him to sleep in....AAAAHHHHHH, What? "You just need to know where we'd put a bed, right?" I nervously asked her. To which she replied, "Well he could be coming home soon, I need to see a bed." My heart dropped into my stomach. I explained to her that it has been my experience not to take things for granted and that I'd just prefer to set up the bed once he is really here. She was kind and sweet, but insisted, it was time to set up a bed.

I am not sure if it was PTSD or what, but I got off the phone just trembling. 2005 I set up a whole nursery for a boy who never came home. I sat in his empty nursery crying out to the God who gave him to me and then took him away. It was gut wrenching and putting that nursery away was pure agony and I promised myself I'd never go there again. Babies don't need much...we have it all stored in the basement...when they come home we set it up.

Howard forced me out of my comfort zone and prepared Hope's nursery ahead of time, but I have quickly retreated back to that zone and was NOT ready to put up even a pack and play for Jacob...we are not promised a thing and I know all too well that SOMETIMES...God gives and then He takes away. I will praise Him no matter what, but I surely didn't want to take down baby stuff again.

I took a deep breath, and per her request, I did it anyway. It was a huge thing for me...I giant leap of faith. I put my heart out there again, knowing FULL WELL that it could be crushed at anytime and trusting Him with it anyway. I have no idea exactly what the future holds, but I do know it is in HIS hands.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Just to Be Clear

This blog is where I come to express frustration and share the struggles and the joy of life. I am just as flawed as the next guy and don't pretend to be without fault. I come here, and try to be transparent and share my struggles and weaknesses. Sometimes I feel like in society we lack authenticity because we feel like we always have to keep it together. If only we were honest with ourselves and others, we could all really relate and help each other. At least that is what I think and so I will continue to do so.

That said, sometimes I put myself out there and then get people who come here to criticize and make judgements. I choose to put myself out there so I open myself up to that. I get it. I think though that it is important to remember that what you all see here is just a snapshot. There is SO much more to our family than what I post here so to think you "know" me just by what you read here is impossible.

Last night I returned home to find the following comment here on my blog, I am responding because I am hoping that it was written with an undertone of concern and not bitterness and biting is tough to tell via a comment so we will go with the first and some of these are legit concerns:

I am not surprised to see comment moderation enabled on your blog, as I'm am sure you have had some negative comments. Just as I'm sure you will not post mine.
That said, a few things I'm wondering, having followed your blog for years.
-You frequently complain about the lack of money and various financial struggles, yet you are adopting another child? A child who may have special needs his entire life due to his birth circumstances?
-You often make comments and statements that clearly show you struggle with some of the same mental health issues as possibly your mother, so I wonder not only about being home study approved, but also how the birth mother feels about your mental health issues?
-You frequently post about the stress of homeschooling on your blog, but that your husband really wants you to do seem like you feel it's too much, based on what you say. Do you really feel you can take more on?
-Lastly, I'm sorry if this offends you but why should other people pay for you to do a domestic adoption? International special needs children who end up in mental institutions, I can understand. But there are waiting lists for infants here in this country, even with special needs, people who have been on waiting lists for years and can pay for it with their own money. Do you really need to fund raise the entire list that you posted? Every single step of the process? You can't pay for any of it on your own? That may mean you really can't afford another child.

I am not surprised to see comment moderation enabled on your blog, as I'm am sure you have had some negative comments. Just as I'm sure you will not post mine.
Actually, you are the first.  I have no problem posting other people's opinions, and you are surely entitled to yours, but please also realize you don't know me.  You get a glimpse of what I share here.  This is my blog, the place I come to share our story and our struggles but I can't possibly share everything.

That said, a few things I'm wondering, having followed your blog for years.
-You frequently complain about the lack of money and various financial struggles, yet you are adopting another child? A child who may have special needs his entire life due to his birth circumstances?

I have been honest. We have struggled with debt, hospital bills, funeral issues, and just plain poor decisions...we have been working our way out of that for a few years and have made TREMENDOUS progress...I am happy to say that we have paid down our debt and will be debt free before long and have paid off our cars.  We have a plan in place and are working our way out of debt.  We still live pretty paycheck to paycheck but we live completely within our means and ALL of our financials were checked in our homestudy and they have deemed us worthy.  Our finances are stable and we know God will provide.

-You often make comments and statements that clearly show you struggle with some of the same mental health issues as possibly your mother, so I wonder not only about being home study approved, but also how the birth mother feels about your mental health issues? don't know me.  You have read some of my struggles but have no idea about the state of my mental health, which I assure you is just fine.  I have encountered a LOT of heartache in life and have learned to cope and lean hard on the Great Comforter.  The baby's mother knows my entire history and I have shared my blog with her and with the worker doing my study, I am mentally and emotionally stable, and I am honest about my struggles and I deal with them instead of trying to hide them or be ashamed of the fact that I am not perfect.  We all struggle, I will be honest, I thought this was a low blow.  I do not have mental health issues, but shaming people who do is what leads to deaths like my mom's.  She knew she'd be judged like this and so she never shared.   I am a bit of a germaphobe and kind of a neat freak, but my closest friends will attest to the fact that I am NOT having the same issues my own mom had.

-You frequently post about the stress of homeschooling on your blog, but that your husband really wants you to do seem like you feel it's too much, based on what you say. Do you really feel you can take more on?  
My husband did encourage this homeschool journey and it like all change has been hard.  It took me a long time to find our groove.  I can honestly say now, that I have learned to let go of the ideal I had in my head of what homeschool should look like and I am thoroughly enjoying my kids.  That is not to say that some days aren't organized chaos, but we are growing as a family and I am LOVING seeing my kids blossom.  I am sure it will be tough to add another child to always is, but I am confident that we can do it  because I know it is what God has commanded of me!  It has been my own experience that anything God asks us to do is often difficult.

-Lastly, I'm sorry if this offends you but why should other people pay for you to do a domestic adoption? 
If you don't feel you should contribute, then you shouldn't. 

 International special needs children who end up in mental institutions, I can understand. But there are waiting lists for infants here in this country, even with special needs, people who have been on waiting lists for years and can pay for it with their own money.
 That is first off not entirely true...Jacob needs a family just as much as the next kid and we were NOT the first family asked...we were the first to say yes.  This incident is a special case.  We were NOT looking to adopt.  We knew we could not afford it and have been proceeding toward foster care.  We were approached about this and there are circumstances that you don't have any idea about.  GOD brought Jacob to us.  I know this without a doubt.  The entire situation has been so beautifully orchestrated that it couldn't be anything else.  I haven't shared the whole story because it isn't all my story to tell...I would like to leave that to Jacob someday.  I can assure you he is going to have a testimony like no other.

 Do you really need to fund raise the entire list that you posted? Every single step of the process? You can't pay for any of it on your own? That may mean you really can't afford another child.

When I wrote all of that...I said that when we needed the money it was there...I did NOT say it was all fundraised.  We have paid for a chunk ourselves, but the truth is that we DON'T have ten thousand dollars in our bank account and that doesn't make us unfit parents.  God brought us a child that we were not looking for, I have grown to LOVE and cherish the family of this very child and I know without a shadow of a doubt that he was MEANT to be in our lives.  I am sure that looking on none of it makes sense.  It didn't to me either.  I had my doubts.  I can tell you though that God has moved mountains.  None of this has been has ALL been Him.  We are following Him and we know He will provide.  If you feel that it is wrong, then you should NOT donate.  I truly believe those who have generously supported us in this haven't taken it lightly...they have felt led to do so and I am so grateful, it is okay though if you disagree, not everyone is going to like or approve of the things God calls us looks foolish or crazy and that is okay because at the end of the day, I only have to answer to Him.  I would rather step out in obedience and risk looking foolish than sit on my hands and refuse to take the risk.

I'll be honest...this comment stole the breath from my lungs and made me really think.  I debated posting it because I can't stand drama.  THIS is not the place for it, but in the event that these concerns were earnest,  I wanted to respond because maybe others are wondering the same things!  I still am humbled beyond belief that God has chosen us for this.  I know that I am not worthy, but I know His grace is enough and He will help me to be ALL I need to be for my amazing husband and ALL of my fantastic kids. I am beyond excited for this journey...children are such a blessing and in this instance I truly believe I am not only gaining a huge blessing in Jacob but also an enormous gift in his biological family.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Unfamiliar Paths

The past few weeks have been a WHIRLWIND. I have spent more time on the phone and doing paperwork than I have in my whole life combined. About two weeks ago I told Howard that as stressful and uncertain as our pregnancies were, I wasn't sure which was harder. It is the truth. Adoption is hard. It is costly, it is time consuming, and when I begin to feel sorry for myself because of those things, I remind myself that my OWN adoption by my Heavenly father was also a very costly one and I should rejoice that in some small way I get to PARTICIPATE in that suffering.

I consider myself a well educated, intelligent and rational person but this adoption stuff put me over the edge...all the lawyer talk, fees, paperwork had my head spinning so hard that I was wondering if all of this truly was of God. Each step He reminded me that it was. He pushed me to keep plugging away and putting one foot in front of the other. I have been getting a HUGE lesson in walking by faith and not by sight.

Amid all of the chaos I will tell you that God has been SO present. There was a glitch with the homestudy and we were afraid because it would surely take longer than we had, but I am happy to say that it will be complete tomorrow. Lawyers have been chosen and a path is set...albeit a unfamiliar and at times scary path.

The first step in the fee department was to pay half of the homestudy fee which was 500 dollars and wouldn't you know the exact day we needed it...we had it. The next step in fees was to pay 3,000 dollars to the birth mom's attorney, which seemed next to impossible, but the very day we needed that money, it was there...not a penny more, not a penny less and not a moment sooner than needed. Our next few steps are paying the second half of he home study fee, 2500 dollars to our lawyer and physical and well test fees, and guess what...our fundraiser last Saturday earned us EXACTLY enough. Enough. He is enough. His grace is enough. When am I going to learn that worry and fret will get me Savior is there...he is seldom early, but NEVER late. He has shown up each step of the way and provided.

We have few more hurdles ahead and I would greatly appreciate your prayer and support. First off...Jacob. He is struggling. The hospital has had to add another medication to help him with his withdrawal symptoms. I had been told to expect him to be discharged mid April and now I am being told it could be a few weeks or up to two months. I am aching to hold him and just the thought of him being away from me for two more months is difficult, especially knowing he is struggling, but I just cannot up and leave the three children here just yet.

Secondly, we are still in need of more funding. We have two more installments to pay our lawyer, 1500 dollars each and then I will need travel money and lastly we will need some post adoption counseling for the mom and post placement visits for us, each of which are required and costly. We would appreciate your prayers on all of this and we KNOW He will come through. It has been difficult but NOTHING is impossible with God!

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Photo Session Winner

And the winner of the Photo Session giveaway is....drum roll please....

DANITA ANGELOTTI! Congratulations Danita! I will be in touch with you about your session Saturday! YAY!

Saturday, March 24, 2012

SO grateful

After today, this little boy is even closer to becoming a Bolte thanks to a great friend who organized a HUGELY successful fundraiser!  There are NO words to describe the mountains God is moving!  I am so excited!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Bunnies and Cuteness and Babies...OH MY!

My very talented friend Ginger has offered to donate one of her (limited) Easter Mini Sessions to help bring baby Jacob Home.  Ginger has some super cute bunnies and will SURELY get great pictures of your little ones and the best part is that she is offering a CD with 10 edited images for you to print however you'd like!  This session would be a value at 150 dollars, but she is offering one FREE here on our blog!

To win this session, you need to be in the Erie area and available for photos on March 31st.  To enter just share this blog on Facebook, Twitter, or your own blog and/or donate to through the chip in on the side of this page.  You may do all of the above for a total of four entries.  EVERY dollar helps us to bring this sweet boy home, we appreciate your help and support!  You MUST come back here and comment to let me know you shared or donated!  Thanks again for all of your support and prayers!  We are SO overwhelmed with the generosity that has been shown to us on this sweet baby's behalf.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Where the Rubber Meets the Road

This is Jacob.  We believe Jacob is our son.  Jacob is now over a month old, and is still in the hospital.  We cannot wait to be with him.  Jacob is suffering from Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome.  His mother has experienced things in her life that most of us only experience in our nightmares.  She is a sweet and loving woman who you can tell in an instant LOVES Jacob more than you can imagine.  She loves him so much she is willing to allow us to adopt him because she knows that at this very moment in time she can't give him what he needs because she needs some time to really take care of herself.

Jacob is struggling as his little body learns to cope without the methadone he became accustomed to in his mother's womb.  It has been a rough start, but we can't wait to scoop him up and show him the comfort and love that God has shown us.

I also hope that in some small way we can share that comfort and love with his very brave mother.  She had a choice, and she chose life for him, so I ask that as you pray for Jacob, and you pray for us please pray for his mom.  She has become someone VERY dear to me, I love her and have so much compassion for what she is doing.  Loving and losing a child through any means is painful, and I can't help but admire her for choosing something so hard, and I am committed to praying with her and for her through each and every step.  I want Jacob to always know that he was loved from the start.  His mom will ALWAYS be a part of him and his life. I very much look forward to our conversations, and though we've never met she means a lot to me.

One day, Jacob is going to have such a testimony..such a story to tell.  He is so loved by so many people and we are all working hard to get him healthy and home.  God is weaving a beautiful story here and teaching each of us so much about love, trust and compassion.  It is getting harder and harder each day to be away from that sweet face.  I cannot wait to snuggle him and to hug his mom.  I am growing anxious and my heart breaks each night knowing he's spent one more day without us.

I have run around like a crazy person for the last week DOING all I could do.  At this point all we can do is wait for paperwork and funds and we know His timing is perfect.  God is working right now on my "Martha" tendencies as I try to hold onto control and micromanage everything...each day he is reminding me that there are just some things I cannot control...He is showing me how to have faith and step out even when I cannot see what is directly ahead.

"Be thou there till I bring thee word" ((Matt. 2:13)  This was the verse in my devotional today.  He is speaking to is clear as day and yet I fight like a spoiled toddler because I don't do well with waiting.  In the waiting he is whispering, he is teaching, I am growing.  We are at a point where all we can do is wait upon Him and I am finding peace here.  We are willing and waiting for His mighty hand.

He is calling me to pray, to stop running in circles trying to constantly DO and to just trust Him.  He has gone ahead and prepared a way and I need to stop second guessing that and TRUST. I need to stop and bask in the glory of his promises and faithfulness.  Just ONE thing is needed...Just ONE.

This my friends is once again where the rubber meets the road...we say we walk by faith and not by sight...the time is here to live it.  We cannot see just what lies ahead...but we must keep walking and knowing He's got this.

Luke 10:41-42 “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary, has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her”.

Photo Winner!

This morning we once again put all the names of all who entered onto paper and into a bowl, and I am happy to announce that the winner is JENNIER RUDOLPH! Thanks so much for your prayers and support! Jennifer you can contact Katie Mihalak to claim your prize! Thanks again to everyone who entered! I appreciate your help in bringing Baby Jacob home.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

SUPER Exciting Photo Giveaway!

Well, I am SUPER excited to announce this giveaway...and no, I am not giving away my children though that is what the pictures are of!  ;)  Katie Mihalak has offered to donate one free sitting fee and 2 8x10's to the winner of this giveaway.  Just look at her work below!  She is amazing, you DEFINITELY want to get in on this!  These are just a FEW of my favorites that she has taken. 

SO, if you'd like Katie to work her magic for you, we'd love for you to enter this giveaway!  You can enter by donating via the chip in button to the right or sharing this blog post with others via your own blog, Facebook, or Twitter.  Please be sure to come back and leave a comment so we know you shared!  Thanks so much for your continued support as we move forward in bringing Jacob home!

A winner will be drawn at random Friday, March 16th!  

"Then Jacob continued on his journey and came to the land of the eastern peoples."  Genesis 29:1  ;)

Scentsy Giveaway Winner

The winner has been chosen by the scientific method of writing all of the folks who entered on a piece of paper, cutting it all apart, putting it in a big bowl and letting Hope choose! The winner is VALERIE JOHNSON! Thanks for sharing our story with others Val! I will get your stuff to you ASAP! Just let me know what scent of wax you'd like!

Little People, BIG Difference


Jonah Williams

Gabe Williams

Melody and Madison Delgado

Isaac Bolte

Asher Bolte

Hope Bolte

God is using these little faces to change the world. Their lives have made a difference in this world and I am humbled that I have been able to be a part of it. The Bible tells us that children are a gift, a real blessing, and honestly that could not be more true! God gives good gifts and brings beauty from pain and suffering and this is a story of such things. :) Tears of joy flow down my face as I type this post. The Lord has written a beautiful story. A story of love and heartache and redemption. We sometimes tend to think these things only happened in "Biblical" times, but I am telling you, the time is NOW.

Gratitude is something I have been really honing in on lately. I have been reading Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts, and I cannot even tell you how it is transforming my life. Living with gratitude in all things is what God intended for us. We are to praise him for everything. I struggle with that. I am trying hard. As a part of this journey I began a journal, where I am logging the gifts I see in my life, like the book, trying to get to 1000. The goal is to be thankful and joyful in ALL things. A thankful heart is truly a happy heart.

I have written before about a little boy named Anton, who lives in a hospital on the other side of the world. He has EB and was facing life in an orphanage. My heart broke for him. I wanted him. I could feel God bringing him to mind so often and praying for him. Little did I know the Spirit was a movin'.

My friend, Patrice had posted his picture on Facebook and I fell in love. Patrice's little man, Jonah has EB and her heart was broken for him as well and as much as she wanted him, she just knew she couldn't care for him and for Jonah. She has jumped into action advocating for this little boy though, praying for a family for him and committing to do anything she could to help the process, and she has done much. My heart was stirred. I emailed Patrice asking her to pray for me because I was beginning to feel like I was supposed to play a part in this . Hope has EB, but her EB is NOTHING compared to most and Isaac had EB, his was much more severe than Hope's. Hope has been amazingly blessed and I often feel guilty because so many kids are living with EB in such a different way and it just doesn't make sense.

I prayed and prayed. I pleaded with the Lord, I felt the Spirit moving, but I felt paralyzed. I sat in Hope's room one day in February just crying and rocking her and praying aloud to the Lord. Praying that if I was to take Anton, that he would make it clear to me. We don't have medical facilities close by, which would make taking Anton difficult, but if that was what the Lord wanted, we could move. I put Hope in her crib and headed to the kitchen, when I saw that Vanessa called. She sounded excited in her message and said I would want to call her back immediately. I did. She said that she had seen my re-post of Anton's story and that she was pretty sure he was her son. He shares the same birthday as her little guy, Judah, and Anton WAS originally a twin, add to that Vanessa and Jason had conjoined twin girls who they held briefly and released to Heaven. She felt strongly that Anton was her son. Vanessa and I had become friends through the loss of our sweet babies and had the opportunity to hug each this past summer during my trip to Texas.

Tears streamed down my face as I spoke to her. I have been praying SO hard that God would give Anton the family he deserves. Vanessa is in North Carolina as we speak getting hands on EB training from Patrice, and this morning I received a call from Vanessa... the Delgados have been able to officially commit to their little boy. She and Patrice were doing a happy dance, I could HEAR it over the phone. :)

I have chills and tears and I just want to shout for joy! I was telling Howard about all of this the other night and he said to me, "Well, Kristy, have you written Hope's EB in your gifts journal?" I looked at him like he was nuts.

Hope's EB while mild, has caused much resentment in my heart. I know it sounds silly because she really is doing amazingly well and has little to no issues to speak of, but in those first months of bandage changes and fear, I feel like we were robbed. The truth is we were robbed because we allowed Satan to steal our joy. Joy is always possible when you have a grateful heart and my heart was NOT grateful for Hope's EB. Not at all.

So that night, I was able to write Hope's EB in that gift journal. It is easy for me to write that that I can see the blessings that have come from her EB. If she had not been diagnosed with EB, God would possibly not led me to Patrice or Anton. If I had not known of Anton and felt led to pass the info on to Vanessa, Anton might not be moving toward a life in Texas. Now I am still working on the rest of this gratitude. Because it is also true that if my boys had not died, and Vanessa's girls had not died, I would have never known Vanessa and in turn Anton may not be heading home. I struggle with saying that my boys' deaths, or Vanessa's girls deaths are gifts, but I can plainly see that God knows what he is doing. I don't think he caused our heartache for Anton's sake, but he sure has used it.

This life is hard, it is full of hurt and pain and things we just cannot understand, but through it all God is working a good plan just like his word says He is! Would you join me in praying for sweet Anton and the Delgado Family as the move forward in bringing Anton Home?

I can see God's hand so clearly in all of this and I stand in awe as always of those he is using. The William's Family and the Delgado Family are living the gospel. They ARE being his hands and feet and helping to care for this sweet orphan boy. They are taking Him at his word and trusting. How can you help but be inspired? Vanessa, Patrice and I all have babies waiting for us in Heaven and I can't help but think that they are smiling down, knowing that they each have served such a grand purpose. God doesn't make mistakes and not one of those five babies lives was in vain. Not one. The Lord sure does write amazing stories, and I am just so thankful to be a small part. His grace is sufficient. There is ALWAYS Hope. He takes our pain and turns something gnarled and ugly into the most beautiful of things. That is the God we serve. He is the one we owe it all to.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Happy Friday! Scentsy Giveaway!

I sure do love Scentsy. It is a great and safe way to make your whole house smell good! Today I'd like to give away this beautiful "Heavenly" plug in warmer from Scentsy and your choice of one bar of wax. The items are valued at 25.00.

To enter this giveaway you can do one of two things. 1. Make a donation via our Chip In to the right in ANY amount or/and 2. Share this blog with others via your own blog, Facebook, or Twitter. If you share please come back and comment telling me which network you shared on so I know you shared. (anyone who has already donated will automatically be entered.)

I will draw a name Saturday, March  10th at midnight!

Thanks so much for your continued support!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

You Know What To Do...ACT!

"Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows what we know, and holds us responsible to act." Prov. 24:12

As we have contemplated foster care and gone through each step, my mind just keeps going back to the mothers of these sweet kids.  My heart breaks for a world so broken that it is tough for some mothers to care for their children as they struggle with mental illness, abuse, addiction, and poverty.  I would sit in class envisioning having foster children in our home and being a blessing not only to the children, but also maybe a support to their mothers.  As a mother who has lost two children of her own, I have NO desire to see another mother endure such a thing.  

Several months ago I was put in contact with a woman who was pregnant and trying to make decisions regarding adoption of her unborn son.  We spoke and enjoyed talking to each other and she asked about the possibility of us adopting her baby.  I was stunned and didn't really think a lot of it and then we kind of fell out of touch.  I continued to think of her and pray for her and her baby.  I genuinely grew to love her and wanted the best for her and her son.

I felt like the Lord had brought her into my life for a reason.  I wasn't sure if it was because we'd one day become family through her sweet son or if my friendship with her would teach me more about what moms like her are going through.  Either way, I was certain she had already been such a blessing to me showing me that any preconceived notions I might have had were unfair.  I felt the Lord keep prompting me to send an encouraging text or just to intentionally pray for her.  He had opened my eyes to her world and I could not just look away. She quit calling to chat and I knew she had signed on with an adoption agency and I just continued to pray and send the occasional text.  

Then, the Saturday before Asher's birthday she called again.  Her son had been born.  He was born February 10th and weighed 7.1 pounds.  She was calling to say she was sorry for falling out of touch, and she asked if I'd still be willing to raise her son, Jacob.  He was born with some special needs and due to the circumstances, the adoption that had been planned out could not be continued.  She was not comfortable with the adoptive parents once they met and they were not open to the possibility of a special needs child.

We talked for a while.  We both cried and rejoiced in the gift of sweet baby Jacob.  I talked to Howard and he agreed that if it was God's will, we'd do what we could to make Jacob our son and keep his mom as involved as she'd like to be.  I panicked, if I am being honest.  Over the past few weeks I have seen Satan at work trying to discourage me and cause me to grow weary.  Yet the Lord keeps whispering, "Child, step out in obedience.  You know what to do.  ACT!"  and then Satan says "You are nuts.  Don't take the risk"

And here we are....Jacob is doing well and I talk to his mom almost daily.  His mom is finding her way and we are moving forward with the adoption.  I spoke with the hospital yesterday and we are REALLY under a time crunch here...Jacob could be released from the hospital within the next 2-4 weeks and we have got to get our homestudy rewritten for private adoption and all of the legal work done and have travel arrangements made.  All of these things cost more money than we realized but we know God is able.  We know He loves Jacob even more than we do and He holds him in the palm of His mighty hand.

We believe this ginger haired boy belongs with us and so does his mom.  Would you open your eyes and see this sweet boy.  Would you pray for his brave and loving mother?  We know that this is important to God.  Would you seek Him and see how He might have YOU act?  We are working on a fundraiser/Chinese auction, maybe you could attend or donate an item for auction?  Maybe you could pray intentionally for all of the details and the best for everyone involved.  Maybe you have adopted and have some advice to lend. Maybe you could spread the word and share Jacob's story with your friends. Maybe you can donate money (feel free to click the donate link to the right or email me at and I will send you our address) .

I feel overwhelmed and humbled that God might have written us into Jacob's story and when I start to allow the feelings to overcome me, I kind of want to just hide and find rest, and yet I feel Him pushing show just how serious I am about the ministry He has set before me...and as I step out in faith and obedience I'd be honored if you'd join me in prayer.

We firmly believe God is calling.  This is NOT about us.  This is about the sweet boy pictured above.  He has already had a really rough start.  He is God's child.  You know what to do....ACT!  :) 

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Adoption!? Only God.

As I sat through our last round of foster care classes I felt heavy and burdened...I couldn't help but think of the birth parents of these children and how broken the world is. I know it is different, but losing a child on any level is devastating. I don't wish that on anyone. The week of Asher's birthday we got a phone call from a mom...a mom who just had a baby...who loves him more than she thought possible...and who wants the best for him. She knows she cannot care for him now and wants him to grow up in a loving and supportive family, yet she still wants some contact. She chose us. She asked us to raise her son. We weren't looking for this...and it found us...the week of Asher's birthday.

Typing those words, brings tears to my eyes. The magnitude of all of it is overwhelming. Who does this happen to? This stuff doesn't happen does it? I mean it seemed like something on a Lifetime movie, and yet it all seems to be falling together. We may get to raise her sweet son, and expand our family through an open adoption, including her and her family in our family, they are great and my head is still spinning.

I am as surprised as you might be when I say, "it appears the Bolte Family is ADOPTING." There is little boy in a state far far away, in a NICU who is struggling. He has a mom who loves him very much and an extended family who loves him too. His mom is just not at a place where she can care for him, needless to say, our family is expanding. We are excited and apprehensive. He is under the care of some fabulous doctors, he has some special needs and is as CUTE as can be. We know that God is just beginning to write his story and he is going to have an amazing story to tell.

Time is critical as we need to get our ducks in a row before his release from the hospital and it is going to take an act of God to make it happen logistically and financially. We'd love to hear your advice and experiences, from those of you who have adopted yourselves or have resources to share. We are feeling excited but also overwhelmed at what God is calling us to.

If you would pray with us for the baby, his mom, and her family we would appreciate it so much. We know God is in control of all of it. If you feel led to donate to help us bring him home please feel free to click the chip in button on the side or contact me via email and I can send you our address. I had no idea that even for a straightforward adoption such as his, costs are high, especially since it is out of state. I have spent the day on the phone and feeling overwhelmed, but in the end I know if it is His will, this baby will be a Bolte very soon. I can tell you that I love him already and I love his mom. I know God does too and that He will work all of this out to His glory!

Many plans are in a man's heart, But the counsel of the LORD will stand.
Proverbs 19:21

I have LOTS more details to share but I feel like I have been researching and talking on the phone nonstop and I need to go snuggle the babies already in my home. Again we covet your prayers and support. Honestly...this was the last announcement I expected to make, yet I am beyond humbled that the Lord is even considering our family for something so amazing.