Hope In MANY Forms...

Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD.Psalm 31:23-24

I want you all to know that last night I slept great! I used many of the verses you provided and just kept my mind focused on my God, putting on His full armor as my mind drifted to sleep and last night my mind stayed right where it needed to be. I even woke up once around 3 and just kept repeating verses so that that fear did not even have a tiny opening. YEA! Praise God!

When we got home from church last night we were surprised to find that our kitchen had been taken over by a colony of ants. We have NEVER had ants before and I have had many people say how bad they are this year, but we had not had any. Well before church we brought in a bountiful harvest from the garden and I believe our veggies provided the vessel that allowed the ants to take up residence in my home, my kitchen nonetheless.

Now, for those of you who know me this is something that would put me over the edge normally. I am a neat FREAK and the idea of critters in my home, much less my kitchen where I make food for my family was enough to make me completely insane (as opposed to moderately insane :-))! So I took a deep breath, googled what to do to get rid of them and I began. I began scalding tomatoes (for a super salsa I made) and preparing veggies to get them put away so the ants would have no reason to enjoy our kitchen. Once I got things put away I sprayed everything down with vinegar which I guess is supposed to get rid of them because it removes their scent or something...then we went to bed.

This morning I woke with kind of a yucky cloud hanging over as today was Howard's first day back to school. He is a Middle School Social Studies teacher. I knew I would have to face the day without him and I was kind of apprehensive. Usually I am so ready for him to go back so I can get back into a routine with the kids, but not this year. He has been here for me to lean on every day this summer. I have never had to be alone. I knew I would miss him!

I read my devotional and got the boys some breakfast. Ben then insisted he was done with diapers today, which for many of you would say WAHOOO! But I was not planning on doing that today! Oh well, potty training begins...needless to say with a little frustration and a few puddles! :-) He is getting it though. Smart kid!

Frustration was peaking around 10 as I needed to get dinner in the crock pot and Ben refused to even put underwear on. They were going along behind me like little tornadoes undoing everything I did. Saved by the bell...the telephone rings and it is my in-laws who, God bless them, wanted to take the boys outside to play and pick berries! Thank you Jesus for grandparents!

I had a moment to breathe so I threw the roast in the crockpot and sat down to check email and this is what I found in the old inbox...

Hi Kenzie, Angie, Yvette, Kim, Kristy, Chrissy, and Emily,

I have been reading each of your blogs for awhile, and have cried and prayed for each of you and your sweet stories. I am so thankful that God was able to lead you all to one another for friendship and support during this season of your lives.

I just wanted to let you know (in case you had not heard yet) that this past weekend at the Beth Moore conference in San Antonio, TX, Beth brought up your group from the Deeper Still conference! (It was cool sitting in the audience, feeling totally in the "the know" when she brought you up.) She sounded utterly amazed at your strength and the work God was doing in and through you. I sat there and thought to myself how awesome that must be for each of you.

So many of us are deeply touched by Beth Moore and her amazing teaching gift, and yet SHE was touched by YOU. So, not only have each of your stories helped and encouraged so many ladies over the blogosphere- reminding us to hug our little ones a little tighter, pray a little harder, and realize that we CAN do all things through HIM who gives us strength- but, your children's legacies are continuing to live on, as people, like Beth, remember your story and use it as an example of God being glorified through hard times.

I continue to read each of your blogs and I still pray for your sweet hearts. I cannot imagine anything more difficult than what you have experienced, and without sounding cheesy, I want you to know that I have been incredible inspired by each of you. May God bless you each richly, and I cannot wait to meet each of your special little ones in heaven.

It was written by a sweet woman from Texas and I sit here typing through tears as I try to get my mind around the hugeness of God. Of what he is doing here in my life. On a day where I had been allowing frustration to get the best of me I was losing sight of what God is doing. Something so much bigger than a colony of ants, a messy house, or a potty training toddler. God is using our family, our brokenness, our sadness. He is working in and through us.

I can rejoice and praise God as I clean up Ben's puddles and wipe away ants because this is not it. This is not the end of the story. God is allowing me to be here to be the mommy Ben and Luke need and he will reunite me with Isaac and Asher some day as well. Right now they have the best caregiver possible. I guess what I am saying is that as I sit here today, still broken, still sad, arms still aching for my boys, there is a joy in my heart. A joy in knowing God has this. He loves us and will bring all of this around for our good. A joy in knowing that my boys are NOT forgotten. They were created in His image for an amazing purpose and they are living on! My heart today is filled with joy and hope and Melody, I thank you for sharing!

God continues to provide everything I need. He sends his grace and hope in ways I could never have imagined, whether verses from blessed blog friends, wonderful grandparents or a sweet email from Texas. God is good my friends and he is at work and I am super excited to see what the next page of the story brings!

But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.Psalm 71:13-15

(Is that not the coolest verse EVER?!) With God I will always have hope! I will praise Him more and more!