One Week

It is hard to believe, but yesterday Hope turned one week old! She is a delightful baby who makes all of us smile! We appreciate your continued prayers for our sweet girl. She is still doing well. She is eating well and sleeping well and is so much fun during her awake times. She rarely fusses unless she wants to eat and, well she has no patience there. No new blisters have developed at this point and we still would covet your prayers at bandage change time. We usually do it around 10 pm after the boys are asleep. It is getting better as we have better educated ourselves and invested in better supplies.

Each time Ben sees her he shouts "She's so cute, She's so tiny!" He also always uses her first and middle names, and Luke could hold her all day and sing her "baby songs". They are enamored with their little sister and take breaks from playing just to come and tell her she is loved.

We are enjoying having Howard home. He is off for the summer now since school is out and I have to say he has been a champ at caring for all of us. He really is amazing. He has kept up with ALL of the house work in addition to preparing meals and caring for the boys. We are so blessed to have such an amazing daddy for our family (who by the way has started his own blog ) He has so much to offer I know you would be blessed by his writing as he seeks the Truth.

As for me, physically I am doing well. I know the moment I have overdone it and have to back off. I am feeling a lot less sore though. I am pretty sure I am still high on adrenaline. I could just stare at sweet Hope all night long. Emotionally though friends, I am growing weary. I feel like I am still always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Some nights as I sit here loving on our girl, my heart is gripped with fear. I know too much. TWICE I have held my babies as they have left this world and lets be honest. I DON'T want to do it again. I want to hold her and breathe her in and dream about pigtails, dance class, and curfews, NOT wonder if how I am holding her is going to cause a blister. I want her brothers to be able to love on and explore her without me near tears worrying they could hurt her. I want to tickle cute baby feet, not change bandages.

All that said, I know how immensely blessed I am just to have Hope, she is here and she is thriving. I do assure you I cherish every minute and love her for exactly who she is. I trust that God has a plan and that it is good. Maybe I just need a minute to be human, because I am just plain tired of everything being hard. I am never very good at waiting for answers and in the meantime I have a tendency to do my own research and find the WORST possible scenarios.

Anyway, we are all doing well and enjoying each other. Please continue to pray for Hope and for my heart. I know this fear is not from God and I am fighting it with everything I have, but some days I do grow weary.