Saturday, June 13, 2009

A Couple of Prayer Requests

Due to sheer exhaustion I don't have much time to post, but wanted to come and ask for your prayers for myself and for Hope. Yesterday was a frustrating day as I began having some concerning postpartum issues and ended up in the hospital all afternoon and evening. I am now on bed rest and hoping to be on the mend.

Hope is still doing well. She is up to 7lb 2 oz as of Thursday's doctor appointment. We head to Pittsburgh again on Monday for a dermatology appointment and to get her stitch from her biopsy removed. She has developed two more TINY little sore spots on her leg and though I am still so thankful that she is healing from her other blisters and so far things are looking to be on the mild side, my heart is troubled. I am trying so hard to take this one day at a time but I feel like I am suffocating here, just waiting for the next "issue" to arise.

I cried the entire time waiting for her well child visit because doctor appointments now make me nuts. I am trying hard to lean on God and trust in His plan, but I know that sometimes his plan is wrought with pain and right now my heart can't really handle anymore pain. I don't want to sound like a whiner here...I know how blessed I am, really I do and Hope brings so much joy to our family. It hurts me though to see her hurt. I would like to just be able to enjoy my family for a while without looming medical issues. Each time she coughs or hiccups I wonder if the blisters have developed in her esophagus and digestive tract. If she sleeps longer than two hours I panic and wake her. This fear that is taking over my heart is not from God and yet I have allowed it to creep in.

Please continue to pray for our family as we walk through this uncertain time. We know Who the author of this story is and that he is working here, may we just have the strength and endurance to rest in that knowledge.

53 comments:

A said...

You both are definately in my prayers!

my3sons said...

Kristy,
Praying for you both. I'm sorry that you can't put all the medical stuff away. It isn't fair!

Rochel said...

Praying for you.

Anonymous said...

'Praying for healing for both you and Hope! I pray that the Lord will bring you all some peace and strength as well. Remember He is SO GOOD and SO POWERFUL!

It is so difficult to deal with these emotional issues while your body still heals and is rocked by the normal hormonal post partum roller coaster. Be sure to talk to your doctor about possible post partum depression and maybe consider so medications to help you through this most difficult time of waiting for a diagnosis. It is okay to do that! And can be most helpful to help you cope. Your emotional bank is still on empty from your previous losses.

Be assured that the fact that Hope has been actively held and dressed in regular clothing and all that, it is a VERY GOOD SIGN that she has had so few blisters. Keep holding on to that! I most certainly understand though that fear grips your heart reliving the memories of loosing your two precious boys. I pray that you will get answers soon. It is one thing dealing with the things that are KNOWN, but much more difficult when it is the UNKNOWN that we are facing. Our human minds tend to run rampant, and our anxiety is unbearable. I pray for your peace and patience.

Nana of two EB grandsons

Emily said...

Oh girl...

I am so burdened for you this morning. Living like that, burdened with fear, suffocating, unable to think about anything but pending disaster... I have had taste of it and it makes me sick that you're living that right now. You are always on my heart and I am forever lifting you and your sweet girl up to the only One who can breathe life and peace into you both.

I miss you so and would give just about anything to give you a big bear hug.

Sheryl said...

oh kristy!!

asking God right now to bring you to my mind more often so that i can pray!

sure we know that HE doesn't allow anything unless HE can bring better things from it...but it's very difficult to live it out.

love ya,
sheryl

Devon said...

praying kristy...praying that the god of peace will cover you despite all that is going on around you.

you are in my thoughts...

asplashofsunshine said...

You are not a whiner whatsoever. You are a mom that has been through experiences that most people can never imagine. Keep your head up (if you can). It sounds like you are trusting your instincts to seek help from doctors, God, and your family. That is all you can do. Take care. Hugs.....

Lea said...

Sending many, many prayers from Canada.

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

On my knees...

Lindsay said...

You are in my prayerss. I pray that you find peace.
Love to you,
Lindsay

Kristin said...

you are in my prayers. I am lifting you each up individually as we wait for God to answer your prayers! I pray that God will calm your spirit as you watch her grow. Don't be afraid to ask for any other prayer requests. I'm so happy to have someone to lift up in prayer!!
-Kristin

Meghan said...

We are definitely praying for you! Postpartum can be an emotional time for anyone as hormones rage...but for someone that has endured the trauma that you have dealt with, those emotions are sure to be difficult.

Praying for peace and quick recoveries for you and for Hope.

Alicia said...

Lifting you all up in prayer...

Elizabeth said...

Praying for you and yours! The Lord is faithful and He is carrying you!

Rebecca said...

UGH. I know about the fear creeping in. Ever since losing Olivia, it seems like I'm always afraid something terrible will happen to one of my others. It almost gets irrational sometimes. I am trying to just trust what I *know* instead of what I *feel*. That can just be a hard, hard thing to do.

Praying for your troubled heart.

Mary Ellen said...

First of all you are NOT a whiner! I think you are feeling totally normal emotions given all that you have been through. Keep your eyes on the Lord and I will continue to lift you up as well. Right now I am praying for peace in your heart and rest for your body.

mim Claire said...

Praying for peace and healing for you during this time. Praying you are bale to allow your body to rest so you can heal completely. May God fill you with hope in regards to all He has in store for the life of your sweet Hope! Will be praying for Hope's blisters to continue to heal.
Hugs and Prayers
Rachel in PA

Laurie in Ca. said...

I love you Kristy and am praying all the time for you. Fear sucks and is so hard not to hear or look at. Asking God to show you He is bigger than the fear and give you peace. Hope is in His hands and never leaves His eyes sweetie. I am sorry for the uncertainty that surrounds you. You are too familiar with pain of the past. This is a new thing and I am believing His promise to you.

Love and Hugs, Laurie

Anonymous said...

You continue to be in my prayers. Hope is such a beautiful baby, and I love the joy she brings to your family. I suspect that she may just be one of the most loved babies of all times!!

Someone once told me that if God were small enough for us to understand, he wouldn't be big enough to be worshipped. That's helped me through many trials...or should I say "growing opportunities" in my life.

Love to you all!
Angela

Sewconsult said...

Prayers are being said. Don't expect so much from yourself. Ask for help, even if it isn't offered. Your whole family will benefit. Whether it be as small as help around the house with the daily activities or help from your doctor.

As a mother who dealt with sick children, I didn't know that I could handle things better with the help of a little pill called an antidepressant. It would take me years to discuss it with my doctor, sort of by accident. My daughters would have had a much better mother if I had asked for help years ago. A mentally healthy mom is a great mom to her children.
You have beautiful children. Hugs to all.

Kadence and Adam. . . and Mommy said...

Praying for you! Praying for strength, trust, and patience. Praying for peace and a sense of security!

HUGGS

Amanda said...

I pray that God will flood your mind with peace today.

Jen said...

On my knees sending many prayers up for you, sending you a big hug, from a sis in MN

Michelle said...

I have been praying for you and your little beauty and will continue to!

Lisa said...

Kristy,
Your have never sounded like a whiner. You sound like an exhausted mama. You aren't just dealing with the stress on your body after carrying a baby and then delivering her. You have fears, very valid fears, that the vast majority of us will never be able to fully comprehend.

Praying for you, Kristy, and for your whole family. Give that baby girl a hug from Evie.

Love you,
Lisa

Louisa said...

Praying from Melbourne, Australia that little Hope is all OK..

Louisa

Shannon said...

Will pray!

Catherine said...

I can't even imagine what you are going through now. I am sure it is all you think about and your brain is probably ready to explode with all the stress. My heart goes out to you:) I am praying that your spirit is lightened and that you feel true happiness, which you deserve, very soon.

Beverly said...

Praying that God will cast out your fear with His great and perfect love. Praying for the complete healing touch of Jehovah Rapha for you and your beautiful little Hope.

Don't feel like you are whining - you are blessing us with opportunities to pray for you when you share your struggles. May God bless you from the incomparable riches of His grace today and always.

Chris and Emily said...

Praying for you and sweet Hope. Hating you having to live through and fight that fear. Trusting God to carry you.

Cristi said...

It is difficult to balance your faith and trust in God with the fear of the unknown and looking at health issues. But God is Good. Isaiah 41:13 I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear, I will help you.

Marie said...

I hope this is not a silly or rude question, but have you had counselling over the loss of your boys? It sounds like you are still having a lot of trauma and maybe you need to talk to someone.

Feel free to leave this question hidden if you don't want others to see, but certainly don't be ashamed of going for help. You've been through 2 terrible ordeals and there's nothing wrong with getting some professional help, if you haven't already.

Laura said...

Praying for you tonight...just getting caught up on all that is going on with you. Ah...always an adventure. You are an amazing mama. Praying you can have the taste of hope in your mouth and the fear to be gone.

Sending much love!

Kristin Raikes said...

Oh, you sweet mommy! You love your little girl and just want the best for her. I pray God's peace permeates and that you feel encouraged and uplifted in the days to come. Remember, you're sleep deprived and your hormones are out of whack. It's hard to be 'rational' or 'feeling' that trust in the Lord when you're physical body is going through so much. Sleep when you can. It will get better!

meela said...

Just want you to know I am feeling and hurting for you deeply. Keep holding on to that hope, the hope that everything will be OK, that trusting in God's sovereignty is all that we have, that you will find joy again, that there is meaning in all of our prayers even if it doesn't feel like it, or if all we are met with is silence. He is there, and that is all we have.

Done sermonizing :) I will pray for you Kristy. I will pray especially against despair.

Kelly said...

You are all in my prayers!

linlassie said...

Pryaing for you and your beautiful family.

stephanie said...

Will, continue to pray for you and Hope, we are on our way to church and I will put your names into our special intentions.

Rebekah said...

This has got to be so hard for you. We are all thinking and praying for you and your family.

Jenny said...

Praying for you! Have you ever contacted, or do you read the Williams blog? There little baby is struggling with EB. Their blog is www.patriceandmattwilliam.blogspot.com
She is a wonderful christian and does a great job with her baby and her blog!
Your baby is absolutely beautiful!!

Jessica mommy to Alex/ RTS said...

She sure is adorable!
Medical issues suck, especially with your newborn, and especially if they wont go away. take it day by day, or minute by minute.
You can do this, for her.

linlassie said...

You are all in my prayers. I pray that Hope can overcome this set back and that you her mommy can recover from your post partum issues soon.

Corie said...

You are continually in my prayers.`

Anonymous said...

Thank you for allowing anonymous posts since I don't have a blog. Praying that you are able to have some peace and strength in the days to come. Your body is tired and the stress isn't helping at all. Praying for you.

Chelle' said...

I live in Pittsburgh and wonder if there's any way I can make your trip here for Hope's appt. any easier?

Chrissy can tell you I'm not crazy... just want to be helpful if that's possible.

Praying for you dear!!

Me said...

Prayers for you here!! You are doing a great job--believe in yourself.

Amanda said...

This song was on my heart as I read your post, I pray that you find comfort in the truth that the lyrics speak.

Matt Redman - You Never Let Go

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Katie said...

Praying for you and precious Hope!

boltefamily said...

Marie,

Thanks for your concern. I am certainly not opposed to seeking professional help when necessary. Right now I think I am just a little overwhelmed and needed to vent. I am worried about my baby girl. There is so much unknown right now and my mommy mind can't help but going to the worst case scenarios. I don't want my sweet girl to be in pain and it breaks my heart.

I have been through much in the past few years and I am trying to hold on to hope (both literally and figuratively) yet it is a struggle knowing that it was God's will for two of my children to leave me so soon. It is a tough thing to recover from c section on top of all of this. I think right now all that I feel is normal and I think I am handling it all appropriately. I do assure you though that if the time comes where I need to seek the help of medical professionals. I will ABSOLUTELY do that. I need to be the best mommy I can for my kids. They need me to be healthy physically and mentally. Thank you for loving me enough to care and ask!

Kristy

Kathy said...

Kristy,

Hope is so beautiful and perfectly named!

I love the fact that often we are told "take(!)courage". God knows it doesn't come naturally to us.

Praying for rest, peace and good news.
Psalm 91

The Whalen Family said...

Praying for all of you.

TNKerry said...

Many many prayers for you.