Just to Be Clear

This blog is where I come to express frustration and share the struggles and the joy of life. I am just as flawed as the next guy and don't pretend to be without fault. I come here, and try to be transparent and share my struggles and weaknesses. Sometimes I feel like in society we lack authenticity because we feel like we always have to keep it together. If only we were honest with ourselves and others, we could all really relate and help each other. At least that is what I think and so I will continue to do so.

That said, sometimes I put myself out there and then get people who come here to criticize and make judgements. I choose to put myself out there so I open myself up to that. I get it. I think though that it is important to remember that what you all see here is just a snapshot. There is SO much more to our family than what I post here so to think you "know" me just by what you read here is impossible.

Last night I returned home to find the following comment here on my blog, I am responding because I am hoping that it was written with an undertone of concern and not bitterness and biting venom...it is tough to tell via a comment so we will go with the first and some of these are legit concerns:

I am not surprised to see comment moderation enabled on your blog, as I'm am sure you have had some negative comments. Just as I'm sure you will not post mine.
That said, a few things I'm wondering, having followed your blog for years.
-You frequently complain about the lack of money and various financial struggles, yet you are adopting another child? A child who may have special needs his entire life due to his birth circumstances?
-You often make comments and statements that clearly show you struggle with some of the same mental health issues as possibly your mother, so I wonder not only about being home study approved, but also how the birth mother feels about your mental health issues?
-You frequently post about the stress of homeschooling on your blog, but that your husband really wants you to do it...you seem like you feel it's too much, based on what you say. Do you really feel you can take more on?
-Lastly, I'm sorry if this offends you but why should other people pay for you to do a domestic adoption? International special needs children who end up in mental institutions, I can understand. But there are waiting lists for infants here in this country, even with special needs, people who have been on waiting lists for years and can pay for it with their own money. Do you really need to fund raise the entire list that you posted? Every single step of the process? You can't pay for any of it on your own? That may mean you really can't afford another child.


I am not surprised to see comment moderation enabled on your blog, as I'm am sure you have had some negative comments. Just as I'm sure you will not post mine.
Actually, you are the first.  I have no problem posting other people's opinions, and you are surely entitled to yours, but please also realize you don't know me.  You get a glimpse of what I share here.  This is my blog, the place I come to share our story and our struggles but I can't possibly share everything.

That said, a few things I'm wondering, having followed your blog for years.
-You frequently complain about the lack of money and various financial struggles, yet you are adopting another child? A child who may have special needs his entire life due to his birth circumstances?


I have been honest. We have struggled with debt, hospital bills, funeral issues, and just plain poor decisions...we have been working our way out of that for a few years and have made TREMENDOUS progress...I am happy to say that we have paid down our debt and will be debt free before long and have paid off our cars.  We have a plan in place and are working our way out of debt.  We still live pretty paycheck to paycheck but we live completely within our means and ALL of our financials were checked in our homestudy and they have deemed us worthy.  Our finances are stable and we know God will provide.

-You often make comments and statements that clearly show you struggle with some of the same mental health issues as possibly your mother, so I wonder not only about being home study approved, but also how the birth mother feels about your mental health issues?


Again...you don't know me.  You have read some of my struggles but have no idea about the state of my mental health, which I assure you is just fine.  I have encountered a LOT of heartache in life and have learned to cope and lean hard on the Great Comforter.  The baby's mother knows my entire history and I have shared my blog with her and with the worker doing my study, I am mentally and emotionally stable, and I am honest about my struggles and I deal with them instead of trying to hide them or be ashamed of the fact that I am not perfect.  We all struggle, I will be honest, I thought this was a low blow.  I do not have mental health issues, but shaming people who do is what leads to deaths like my mom's.  She knew she'd be judged like this and so she never shared.   I am a bit of a germaphobe and kind of a neat freak, but my closest friends will attest to the fact that I am NOT having the same issues my own mom had.

-You frequently post about the stress of homeschooling on your blog, but that your husband really wants you to do it...you seem like you feel it's too much, based on what you say. Do you really feel you can take more on?  
My husband did encourage this homeschool journey and it like all change has been hard.  It took me a long time to find our groove.  I can honestly say now, that I have learned to let go of the ideal I had in my head of what homeschool should look like and I am thoroughly enjoying my kids.  That is not to say that some days aren't organized chaos, but we are growing as a family and I am LOVING seeing my kids blossom.  I am sure it will be tough to add another child to that...it always is, but I am confident that we can do it  because I know it is what God has commanded of me!  It has been my own experience that anything God asks us to do is often difficult.

-Lastly, I'm sorry if this offends you but why should other people pay for you to do a domestic adoption? 
If you don't feel you should contribute, then you shouldn't. 

 International special needs children who end up in mental institutions, I can understand. But there are waiting lists for infants here in this country, even with special needs, people who have been on waiting lists for years and can pay for it with their own money.
 That is first off not entirely true...Jacob needs a family just as much as the next kid and we were NOT the first family asked...we were the first to say yes.  This incident is a special case.  We were NOT looking to adopt.  We knew we could not afford it and have been proceeding toward foster care.  We were approached about this and there are circumstances that you don't have any idea about.  GOD brought Jacob to us.  I know this without a doubt.  The entire situation has been so beautifully orchestrated that it couldn't be anything else.  I haven't shared the whole story because it isn't all my story to tell...I would like to leave that to Jacob someday.  I can assure you he is going to have a testimony like no other.

 Do you really need to fund raise the entire list that you posted? Every single step of the process? You can't pay for any of it on your own? That may mean you really can't afford another child.

When I wrote all of that...I said that when we needed the money it was there...I did NOT say it was all fundraised.  We have paid for a chunk ourselves, but the truth is that we DON'T have ten thousand dollars in our bank account and that doesn't make us unfit parents.  God brought us a child that we were not looking for, I have grown to LOVE and cherish the family of this very child and I know without a shadow of a doubt that he was MEANT to be in our lives.  I am sure that looking on none of it makes sense.  It didn't to me either.  I had my doubts.  I can tell you though that God has moved mountains.  None of this has been us...it has ALL been Him.  We are following Him and we know He will provide.  If you feel that it is wrong, then you should NOT donate.  I truly believe those who have generously supported us in this haven't taken it lightly...they have felt led to do so and I am so grateful, it is okay though if you disagree, not everyone is going to like or approve of the things God calls us to...it looks foolish or crazy and that is okay because at the end of the day, I only have to answer to Him.  I would rather step out in obedience and risk looking foolish than sit on my hands and refuse to take the risk.




I'll be honest...this comment stole the breath from my lungs and made me really think.  I debated posting it because I can't stand drama.  THIS is not the place for it, but in the event that these concerns were earnest,  I wanted to respond because maybe others are wondering the same things!  I still am humbled beyond belief that God has chosen us for this.  I know that I am not worthy, but I know His grace is enough and He will help me to be ALL I need to be for my amazing husband and ALL of my fantastic kids. I am beyond excited for this journey...children are such a blessing and in this instance I truly believe I am not only gaining a huge blessing in Jacob but also an enormous gift in his biological family.