Friday, March 30, 2012

Just to Be Clear

This blog is where I come to express frustration and share the struggles and the joy of life. I am just as flawed as the next guy and don't pretend to be without fault. I come here, and try to be transparent and share my struggles and weaknesses. Sometimes I feel like in society we lack authenticity because we feel like we always have to keep it together. If only we were honest with ourselves and others, we could all really relate and help each other. At least that is what I think and so I will continue to do so.

That said, sometimes I put myself out there and then get people who come here to criticize and make judgements. I choose to put myself out there so I open myself up to that. I get it. I think though that it is important to remember that what you all see here is just a snapshot. There is SO much more to our family than what I post here so to think you "know" me just by what you read here is impossible.

Last night I returned home to find the following comment here on my blog, I am responding because I am hoping that it was written with an undertone of concern and not bitterness and biting venom...it is tough to tell via a comment so we will go with the first and some of these are legit concerns:

I am not surprised to see comment moderation enabled on your blog, as I'm am sure you have had some negative comments. Just as I'm sure you will not post mine.
That said, a few things I'm wondering, having followed your blog for years.
-You frequently complain about the lack of money and various financial struggles, yet you are adopting another child? A child who may have special needs his entire life due to his birth circumstances?
-You often make comments and statements that clearly show you struggle with some of the same mental health issues as possibly your mother, so I wonder not only about being home study approved, but also how the birth mother feels about your mental health issues?
-You frequently post about the stress of homeschooling on your blog, but that your husband really wants you to do it...you seem like you feel it's too much, based on what you say. Do you really feel you can take more on?
-Lastly, I'm sorry if this offends you but why should other people pay for you to do a domestic adoption? International special needs children who end up in mental institutions, I can understand. But there are waiting lists for infants here in this country, even with special needs, people who have been on waiting lists for years and can pay for it with their own money. Do you really need to fund raise the entire list that you posted? Every single step of the process? You can't pay for any of it on your own? That may mean you really can't afford another child.



I am not surprised to see comment moderation enabled on your blog, as I'm am sure you have had some negative comments. Just as I'm sure you will not post mine.
Actually, you are the first.  I have no problem posting other people's opinions, and you are surely entitled to yours, but please also realize you don't know me.  You get a glimpse of what I share here.  This is my blog, the place I come to share our story and our struggles but I can't possibly share everything.

That said, a few things I'm wondering, having followed your blog for years.
-You frequently complain about the lack of money and various financial struggles, yet you are adopting another child? A child who may have special needs his entire life due to his birth circumstances?



I have been honest. We have struggled with debt, hospital bills, funeral issues, and just plain poor decisions...we have been working our way out of that for a few years and have made TREMENDOUS progress...I am happy to say that we have paid down our debt and will be debt free before long and have paid off our cars.  We have a plan in place and are working our way out of debt.  We still live pretty paycheck to paycheck but we live completely within our means and ALL of our financials were checked in our homestudy and they have deemed us worthy.  Our finances are stable and we know God will provide.

-You often make comments and statements that clearly show you struggle with some of the same mental health issues as possibly your mother, so I wonder not only about being home study approved, but also how the birth mother feels about your mental health issues?



Again...you don't know me.  You have read some of my struggles but have no idea about the state of my mental health, which I assure you is just fine.  I have encountered a LOT of heartache in life and have learned to cope and lean hard on the Great Comforter.  The baby's mother knows my entire history and I have shared my blog with her and with the worker doing my study, I am mentally and emotionally stable, and I am honest about my struggles and I deal with them instead of trying to hide them or be ashamed of the fact that I am not perfect.  We all struggle, I will be honest, I thought this was a low blow.  I do not have mental health issues, but shaming people who do is what leads to deaths like my mom's.  She knew she'd be judged like this and so she never shared.   I am a bit of a germaphobe and kind of a neat freak, but my closest friends will attest to the fact that I am NOT having the same issues my own mom had.

-You frequently post about the stress of homeschooling on your blog, but that your husband really wants you to do it...you seem like you feel it's too much, based on what you say. Do you really feel you can take more on?  
My husband did encourage this homeschool journey and it like all change has been hard.  It took me a long time to find our groove.  I can honestly say now, that I have learned to let go of the ideal I had in my head of what homeschool should look like and I am thoroughly enjoying my kids.  That is not to say that some days aren't organized chaos, but we are growing as a family and I am LOVING seeing my kids blossom.  I am sure it will be tough to add another child to that...it always is, but I am confident that we can do it  because I know it is what God has commanded of me!  It has been my own experience that anything God asks us to do is often difficult.

-Lastly, I'm sorry if this offends you but why should other people pay for you to do a domestic adoption? 
If you don't feel you should contribute, then you shouldn't. 

 International special needs children who end up in mental institutions, I can understand. But there are waiting lists for infants here in this country, even with special needs, people who have been on waiting lists for years and can pay for it with their own money.
 That is first off not entirely true...Jacob needs a family just as much as the next kid and we were NOT the first family asked...we were the first to say yes.  This incident is a special case.  We were NOT looking to adopt.  We knew we could not afford it and have been proceeding toward foster care.  We were approached about this and there are circumstances that you don't have any idea about.  GOD brought Jacob to us.  I know this without a doubt.  The entire situation has been so beautifully orchestrated that it couldn't be anything else.  I haven't shared the whole story because it isn't all my story to tell...I would like to leave that to Jacob someday.  I can assure you he is going to have a testimony like no other.

 Do you really need to fund raise the entire list that you posted? Every single step of the process? You can't pay for any of it on your own? That may mean you really can't afford another child.

When I wrote all of that...I said that when we needed the money it was there...I did NOT say it was all fundraised.  We have paid for a chunk ourselves, but the truth is that we DON'T have ten thousand dollars in our bank account and that doesn't make us unfit parents.  God brought us a child that we were not looking for, I have grown to LOVE and cherish the family of this very child and I know without a shadow of a doubt that he was MEANT to be in our lives.  I am sure that looking on none of it makes sense.  It didn't to me either.  I had my doubts.  I can tell you though that God has moved mountains.  None of this has been us...it has ALL been Him.  We are following Him and we know He will provide.  If you feel that it is wrong, then you should NOT donate.  I truly believe those who have generously supported us in this haven't taken it lightly...they have felt led to do so and I am so grateful, it is okay though if you disagree, not everyone is going to like or approve of the things God calls us to...it looks foolish or crazy and that is okay because at the end of the day, I only have to answer to Him.  I would rather step out in obedience and risk looking foolish than sit on my hands and refuse to take the risk.




I'll be honest...this comment stole the breath from my lungs and made me really think.  I debated posting it because I can't stand drama.  THIS is not the place for it, but in the event that these concerns were earnest,  I wanted to respond because maybe others are wondering the same things!  I still am humbled beyond belief that God has chosen us for this.  I know that I am not worthy, but I know His grace is enough and He will help me to be ALL I need to be for my amazing husband and ALL of my fantastic kids. I am beyond excited for this journey...children are such a blessing and in this instance I truly believe I am not only gaining a huge blessing in Jacob but also an enormous gift in his biological family.




33 comments:

Dawn Johnson said...

Kristy,
As an adoptive mother of a special needs child this comment is so inaccurate in so many ways. I am not even going to take the time address ever issue that was totally incorrect. What I will take the time to say is that our adoptive children find us, they just do. It has nothing to do with if you, your husband, or the world think you are ready, when God thinks you are ready, then ready you are. God Bless you all for taking on this challenge and knowing that He will provide EVERYTHING! Apparently the person that commented doesn't know you or Jesus very well.

Buckles Family said...

Kristy,

I applaud you for posting that comment and for answering in the way that you did. You're absolutely correct in saying that what you post on your blog is just a snapshot of your lives. People have no idea what your life is truly like, but they feel like they do. We have had some very harsh comments posted on our blog in the past, and we posted them as well, to show others how ugly some people can be. My opinion is that if you don't like what you're reading on a certain blog, STOP reading it.

On a much happier note, I am so excited about your adoption! God's plan is perfect, and I love watching it all come together for your family. Your family and that baby are blessed beyond comprehension!!

learfam22 said...

You are one strong woman, and don't let anyone tell you different. God has blessed you with this AMAZING baby boy!!! Unfortunately, everyone can have their own opinion on this and other things. As you said, she does not know you! I am so happy that so many of us are involved with bringing your sweet baby boy home. What an awesome thing to be a part of! :) God Bless you and your growing family! :)

lyss said...

oh sweet sweet friend. i am SO proud of you for standing up to critics of adoption and defending your calling!! jealousy and envy and bitterness are ugly emotions and i think they cause most of the drama in this world..adoption is so hard and i wish we could all just support each other instead of divide...i can't tell you HOW many people in my life and in my community are adopting right now and how many of them are trusting the Lord to provide money and equip those who he called and to see HOW many of the body of Christ WANT to help and be a part of it...not every person is called to missions, but those who aren't send..those not called to adoption but believe in it WANT to help....it's how the body works and GOD intended it that way... all those that followed Christ in his ministry early early on could not do so in their own strength....moses couldn't speak, but he was called. and GOD's strength came thru. and so on and so on. it is IN him and THROUGH him that we walk in faith, not our own abilities. ALL women and moms need honest voices in this culture fight and spiritual battle of a world and your authenticity in any of your battles that we ALL have is shedding light on them and letting GOD have victory instead of keeping it in the dark like so many do. you are brave and courageous, you love with the deepest love and that faith will be persecuted and questioned and praise God for it because it means HE is at work and the enemy wants to stop HIM. but you keep pressing on friend and love your sweet family and pursue that sweet little boy who God clearly led into your arms...the only one you answer to is your GOD. and that my friend is a beautiful testimony!! but i am proud of your graciousness and class in responding to such concern or drama. praying and praying and keeping you all so close on my heart! thanks for encouraging and inspiring me in our own adoption journey!! such a reminder today of HOW we are not in control BUT we have a loving GOD who is.

Tabitha said...

I think it is great that you are willing and able to adopt a child. Every child deserves a good home and a loving family. But unfortunately every child does not receive it. So I applaud you for stepping up to the needs of Jacob and totally putting your faith in our AWESOME GOD because he truly is ENOUGH! Never let the words of a bitter person make you feel guilty for doing what the Lord has ask of you. That is the biggest problem in the world today is that because following the Lord is not always the easiest path, but definitely will be the most rewarding, and so many people try to pull you down and rob you from receiving those blessings! I say God bless you Kristy and I pray for you often and admire what you are doing!!!

Rebecca Umling said...

I am so very proud of you. You are such a strong women. I have so much respect for you. You handled that so well. I have no idea how I would of responded but I'm sure I wouldn't of been as nice as you. God bless you and your family!

asplashofsunshine said...

I'll admit, I didn't read your whole post. It irritates me that anyone would be negative on a blog belonging to a loving mom, wife, friend, neighbor. While I may be a person who highly disagrees with so much that you have said (regarding God, politics), I find you to be a fantastic mother and woman. I hope the positive comments and positivity going on in your life FAR outweighs the negative. Remain strong, and YES, this is YOUR blog to share how you wish. Good for you!

Laurie in Ca. said...

Kristy, I agree with each of the four girls above me posted here. It truly is a God thing and sometimes people just don't get it or they don't know God and how He works. I am praying for the remainder of funds to come when He designs it to be so, and I know He will. Praying like crazy for baby Jacob and the problems this little guy has. Praying for his birth mom too. We all make mistakes and yet God turns them around for good. Your response to this commenter was gracious and loving and I am proud of you for following your heart. I love you guys so much.

Love and Hugs, Laurie

lilfella said...

Kristy, I love your blog and am so sad that you are getting criticism. But I agree that the Bible does promise that when we are following Him the world will not understand. We have a biological son and then a son with special needs who we adopted internationally and you just can't win. If you adopt internationally you get criticized for not adopting domestically, if you adopt special needs your criticized for bringing a dependent child from another country into our country etc. Even people who are called to adopt tend to judge others who didn't adopt the way they think you're supposed to (fundraising versus not fundraising, adopting an infant versus an older child.) Your journey so far has been amazing to read about and I am so excited for you. I love my adopted son as much as I love my biological son, there is no difference. But even though I cried for him to be home with me (we waited 8 months from the time we said yes to when we got him) once I had him it was harder than I ever expected. So I hope people are preparing you for the transition period because it can be difficult. But I promise the other side is so unbelievably worth it, it is a miracle to behold how God will weave this child into your heart and family. I can't wait for you to have your baby in your arms and I am praying for his little body to heal, as with everything else I am sure it will happen in God's perfect timing.

Lisa said...

let's be real, here. This is a child who needs a home. The Boltes asked to fill that need. They said yes. They do not know the scope of this baby's needs, they do not know how this will change the dynamic of their home And, as a side note - any one of us can give birth to a child and not know ANY of those things either. Jacob needs a family ready to face whatever those things are. And this child, deserves that chance. The Boltes are giving to him. If they need a hand, so be it. They are worth helping. Jacob is worth helping.

Kristy and her husband have had every aspect of their lives examined by multiple people. She has laid emotions bare. They have had FAR more scrunity about their parenting and finances and health than any birth parent has had.

Maybe this person's questions were truly out of concern, but parts of their wording make me feel otherwise.

As for me, I feel your family and Jacob are blessed to have found each other.

ashleyjnc said...

Kristy,
Thanks for being brave even when people are ugly. I don't think this person was genuinely interested other than being critical and mean. It always floors me that people can't understand that when you have a child, you do not have to come up with $10-15k right off the bat. Yes, the child may cost that in the long run but adding a few extra dollars per day and coming up with it is a lot different than a big chunk of cash all at once. This post did leave me wanting more, though. I would love to know Jacob's story, but admire that you are protecting his right to tell it. As for the comment about mental illness and your mother, that was a low blow that was completely out of line.

Penny said...

When people read a blog as well-written and as honest as yours, they tend to think they "know" you better than they do. I almost feel as if I "know" you, but am bright enough to realize that just reading your blog does not make us "friends." This person should not assume that just because he/she reads your blog that the right to judge, criticize or ask personal questions does not come with the privilege of "knowing" you.
I think you're doing a wonderful thing and who among us can question whether God is leading someone to do something or not. That is not for us (your readers) to decide or question. It is between you and the Lord.
Mental "issues" are nothing to be ashamed of. I'm not under the impression that you have any~ just saying we need to take the stigma off of people that do. Mental illness is no different than diabetes, MS, CF, etc. People with it need compassion and medical help/medicine and coping mechanisms~ just like anyone else. Would this person shame a diabetic?! Should a diabetic not be allowed to foster/adopt children?! I think the worst illness out there is a Jesus-free heart. There is a remedy for that, too.
Sorry for the rant, Kristy. I just get tired of readers being rude and hateful. Just like the second comment (Buckles family)~ if you don't likea blog, don't read it!
God bless!

Amy said...

I applaud you for having the wisdom to respond to your naysayer in the way that you did. My husband and I frequently talk about adoption and do plan to pursue it. We also have "tight" finances, but would love to add a 4th child.

This amazing little guy will be so lucky to be part of your family, and you will be lucky have him as yours.

I'm so happy for you and your family.

Susan's Stories said...

I have followed your blog faithfully for the last year, but have never posted. I am inspired by your honesty in every area that you have let us see a glimpse of. This adoption is so very heart warming and like the other poster said, they find YOU!! It's all working out according to his plan :) You handled your response like a true christian lady should. Best wishes!!

Erica Largent said...

I am quite stunned by how hurtful that was. After losing our own infant daughter to Trisomy 18, I stumbled upon your blog and have loved reading every work you write. Your honesty and openness have been so refreshing and helpful to me in my own journey. Your admitted struggles and stresses sound to me just like what you said they are: the reality of everyday life. Reading your blog has never led me to think that you are anything but a happy, healthy, well-adjusted mom and wife, simply trying to figure life out day by day. Ignore such negativity and focus on the joy that God brings you...and know that I am just one of the many, many people out there that has been helped by your words.

Erica
www.thelargentlife.blogspot.com

Crystal Theresa said...

I think you handled that comment beautifully.

Inkling said...

I'm sitting here totally stunned that someone would write that. If what she said was true, then that would mean very few of us should even be taking up air on this planet. All I can think is that perhaps she has not encountered the mercy, grace, and loving salvation of God who redeems us and makes us worthy. WIthout Him and only looking at the outward facts of my life, I certainly shouldn't be doing any of the things that I am doing. But BECAUSE of Him, I do get to live out some of the things I've dreamt of doing, despite my brokenness and failings.

I'm praying that Jesus holds your heart and doesn't let the enemy use this judgmental jab to steal away anything that He has given you.

I loved your last post about how God provided each step of the way, exactly on time. It was such a good reminder to me, because I've been growing so weary at the whole "give us this day our daily bread" lately, and wish that we could stock extra away so I didn't have to fight worry so much. Your posts are beautiful reminders of God's incredible faithfulness, His personal working on the minutest of details, and the way He takes a human life and shapes it a little more each day to look like Jesus.

I hope your commenter can eventually see that and perhaps even experience it in her own life. Your response was certainly gracious and self-controlled. (Mine wouldn't have been so great, and it would surely have required a few visits to my counselor to process!) But what I hope even more is that Baby Jacob gets to come home to you soon!

Jessica said...

Kristy, to people who have rad your blog for more than a week or a month, it is obvious that you are being very honest, sort of 'dumping' the stuff that bothers you SO you can be a better mother and wife in real life! Some people do it on a piece of paper, you do it on your blog. It's an air vent. It allows you to unpack and be able to move on, hopefully having been encouraged by some friends' prayers or kind words. (I count your online readers as friends, mostly ; P) So, don't let nasty comments get you down. You know, when you are walking in God's way it INEVITABLY happens that things will come to try to get you down, to distract you, to steal your joy. It's a tactic of the enemy which, unfortunately, is rather successful with many... However, Christ has already won EVERY victory for you on that cross. You now can walk free and pursue Jacob as He is leading you to, because He is overseeing your financial life, he is overseeing your emotional life (because you have emotional down times you have mental issues? Then all women must too!!!!!!!!!!). Be encourage, Kristy! You have gone through so much already, the Lord has been working so much in you, your family and in other people's lives through you. What is one nasty commenter? Press on, Kristy, and know that you are LOVED and PRAYED for and CHEERED for!
Jessica

Tori_Jo said...

I read your blog but do not know you in real life. I can see where the comment came from and wanted to share my thoughts. As you said, you express frustration and share your struggles and weaknesses on your blog. Those things tend to heavily out weigh the number of joys you share. I can see how someone else might have concerns because at times I feel a little concerned about you and your family as well.

That said, this is your blog and you should write whatever you want and those of us who read do need to remember that this is only a snapshot of your life.

I would love to read more about your joys if you want to share those as well.

Susie (So Blessed) said...

Sweet Kristy, even though we are not very often in touch with each other and have never met face to face, I KNOW your heart...and it's one that is full of Jesus' love....that is so very evident. Love and prayers and precious blessings to you and your family as you prepare to welcome baby Jacob.

brucemargrave said...

Well, it's been a while but I have to comment. No natural parent has his or her life scrutinized or delved in to as much as an adoptive parent. Many of those who feel called to adopt can't afford it. I don't know of ANY who didn't need help. Sometimes those with the biggest bank account don't make the best parents. If everyone could only have children according to their finances, there would be a lot of empty homes. Why are there so many grants and scholarships for those who adopt if not because of the fact that the cost is exorbitant for MOST? Love is not measured by the fullness of your wallet but by the fullness of your heart. As for your "mental health" - again, it seems we should give a mental health test to all planning to get pregnant. My daughter often posts about her low points and grief and frustration and difficulties with the boys - I know she is venting. I would worry more if she had the mask if perfection. Now THAT is mental! And finally, from her questions, she obviously doesn't understand God's hand in adoption. She must not know or understand the heart of a believer who answers the call to take care of the orphans.

Kelly @ Sufficient Grace Ministries said...

Beautiful...grace-filled response. Love to you!

Momma bear said...

I wanna say, as someone who has followed her blog for a few years......Godd for you, for having the courage to adopt this boy.
I have a problem with someone saying because you have some "mental" issuses you should not have another child.....Ummmmmm she has lost 2 beautiful boys of course she has some issues. I've only lost one and I have problems. Does this make us any less good moms. UMmmmmmm no, we know how short life is and we cherish our children..... As for the whole money thing show me one person who at some point has made a bad desicison with money, we have all done it and learn from it. Childrfen don't need piles of money, they need parents who love them...... These kids have wonderful parents and this little boy would be lucky to be added to this family.

You have my full support.....

Sara said...

Anytime this happens I always have the same question. They read your blog by choice, not by force. You can't affect them if they hit the little x at the top of the screen. So why not walk away?

I don't get it. It's like people think because they hide behind a little screen and no one has to look at them, that they can say whatever they want regardless of feelings. It's like they think because you choose to write it your choosing for it to be critiqued.

My grandma always said if you can't say nothing nice, don't say anything at all...

So, if you can't say nothing nice, hit the x button at the top of the page...please. Thanks

Marie said...

I think if you have a public blog, you leave yourself open to criticism and questions. I think some of the questions this person asked are valid, however the comment on mental illness was below the belt. That was just out of line.

It's wonderful that you are adopting a special needs boy, and if you need to raise the thousands needed for adoption then go for it. The cost of adoption is an outrage considering women like Jacob's mom can bring drug addicted children into the world so easily, but loving parents like yourself have to jump through hoops to give them a home.

Karen said...

Kristy,

You don't know me, but I found your blog on the Blog Hop. We have a lot in common. :) I lost a baby girl to a cord accident and have faced other hard pregnancy losses. We have two beautiful living children and are now in the process of adopting domestically.

I wanted to comment here because i recently got a very similar, very nasty comment on my blog with many of the same "concerns", namely, the fact that we are fundraising for our adoption. I was told, "You obviously don't love this child as you claim to, as evidenced by your lack of funds." It hit me in the gut, and breaks my heart that people go out of their way to discourage adoptive families.

I wanted to be an encouragement to you, that God has obviously orchestrated this adoption, and He knew who your child was long before you did. I think fundraising is so difficult for the adoptive families, but it is something I believe God uses to challenge others to give, to challenge us to reach out, and to allow them to be a part of something miraculous!

I hope you do not take the comment of this person, who obviously has nothing better to do than discourage you, to heart. I know that's hard!

Thank you for sharing your experiences! Feel free to visit my blog as we are in a very similar "boat". :)

ouradoptionfaithwalk.blogspot.com

Karen

Kristy Henry said...

I find it interesting that people even feel they have the right to post comments like that.

Lifting you up Kristy.

Christy said...

My breath has been taken away from reading this and it makes my heart sad that there's someone out there who feels they have the right to critize you in any way, especially in your amazing journey to adopt Jacob.

You answered this comment with such God-given grace, more than I believe I could have given.

Sending love & prayers

Lori said...

I am really never more surprised when I see people comment things like the one you shared and then others justify it being ok because it's a public blog and you are opening yourself up to it.

Really?

How about it's a public venue for your PRIVATE and INDIVIDUAL thoughts and for crying out loud, if people don't agree, DO NOT READ!

I am sorry you are so judged. Grateful for you that you are following your heart and call and that sweet baby, who as you said, needs a family as much as the next kid, will be given an amazing life with God at the center.

And I think you share plenty of joy.
Seriously. Some people.

connie said...

Oh my goodness. Well, we'll always be judged if we are transparent and honest. I love you, I love your realness, and I can't think of anything except how loved any baby will be to join your family. Yikes. Sorry your sweetness and honesty attracted such a comment, and I think you are really braver than I to answer directly. When I read one once on Mallorie's blog that was probably pretty mild, it hurt me and I just deleted it.

Tamara said...

I am not sure I've ever left a comment on your blog but I want you to know I am thinking about you and am EMPOWERED by your love of Christ and your heart for adoption and all things REAL! So I will leave you with this quote I found a while ago:

"Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the jerk whisperer."

And know you are awesome!

Michelle said...

I do not know you, Kristy, but follow you through my daughter's blog. I applaud you for 1) even responding to this and 2) responding the way you did. Job WELL DONE. Additionally I'd like to say that I am an adoptee myself and what you are doing in adopting is not for the faint of heart. Additionally, There is no such thing as a perfect parent...Natural or adopted. My adopted parents are not perfect but they were far closer to perfect and lead me to God and that I would not have had with my birthmom. I would love to hear Jacob's story some day! Lord bless you as you seek to do what He asks of you.

Just Me said...

Kristy-
I am catching up after an absence in which a lot has happened.

I wanted to thank you for writing this:
Again...you don't know me. You have read some of my struggles but have no idea about the state of my mental health, which I assure you is just fine. I have encountered a LOT of heartache in life and have learned to cope and lean hard on the Great Comforter. The baby's mother knows my entire history and I have shared my blog with her and with the worker doing my study, I am mentally and emotionally stable, and I am honest about my struggles and I deal with them instead of trying to hide them or be ashamed of the fact that I am not perfect. We all struggle, I will be honest, I thought this was a low blow. I do not have mental health issues, but shaming people who do is what leads to deaths like my mom's. She knew she'd be judged like this and so she never shared. I am a bit of a germaphobe and kind of a neat freak, but my closest friends will attest to the fact that I am NOT having the same issues my own mom had

Dealing with mental illness myself and 6 months now of struggling to want to live, I really appreciate this insight. During the months that I've had to give up a beloved career, go onto social security disability, use food stamps and numerous other public assistance services, I've heard far too many negative, judgmental comments that seem unable to understand that I don't want mental illness in my life.

That was a very insightful answer to what was a really rude/inappropirate/none of the poster's business.

God Bless your family through wonderful changes!