The past few weeks have been a WHIRLWIND. I have spent more time on the phone and doing paperwork than I have in my whole life combined. About two weeks ago I told Howard that as stressful and uncertain as our pregnancies were, I wasn't sure which was harder. It is the truth. Adoption is hard. It is costly, it is time consuming, and when I begin to feel sorry for myself because of those things, I remind myself that my OWN adoption by my Heavenly father was also a very costly one and I should rejoice that in some small way I get to PARTICIPATE in that suffering.
I consider myself a well educated, intelligent and rational person but this adoption stuff put me over the edge...all the lawyer talk, fees, paperwork had my head spinning so hard that I was wondering if all of this truly was of God. Each step He reminded me that it was. He pushed me to keep plugging away and putting one foot in front of the other. I have been getting a HUGE lesson in walking by faith and not by sight.
Amid all of the chaos I will tell you that God has been SO present. There was a glitch with the homestudy and we were afraid because it would surely take longer than we had, but I am happy to say that it will be complete tomorrow. Lawyers have been chosen and a path is set...albeit a unfamiliar and at times scary path.
The first step in the fee department was to pay half of the homestudy fee which was 500 dollars and wouldn't you know the exact day we needed it...we had it. The next step in fees was to pay 3,000 dollars to the birth mom's attorney, which seemed next to impossible, but the very day we needed that money, it was there...not a penny more, not a penny less and not a moment sooner than needed. Our next few steps are paying the second half of he home study fee, 2500 dollars to our lawyer and physical and well test fees, and guess what...our fundraiser last Saturday earned us EXACTLY enough. Enough. He is enough. His grace is enough. When am I going to learn that worry and fret will get me nowhere...my Savior is there...he is seldom early, but NEVER late. He has shown up each step of the way and provided.
We have few more hurdles ahead and I would greatly appreciate your prayer and support. First off...Jacob. He is struggling. The hospital has had to add another medication to help him with his withdrawal symptoms. I had been told to expect him to be discharged mid April and now I am being told it could be a few weeks or up to two months. I am aching to hold him and just the thought of him being away from me for two more months is difficult, especially knowing he is struggling, but I just cannot up and leave the three children here just yet.
Secondly, we are still in need of more funding. We have two more installments to pay our lawyer, 1500 dollars each and then I will need travel money and lastly we will need some post adoption counseling for the mom and post placement visits for us, each of which are required and costly. We would appreciate your prayers on all of this and we KNOW He will come through. It has been difficult but NOTHING is impossible with God!
"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16