Saturday, March 17, 2012

Where the Rubber Meets the Road

This is Jacob.  We believe Jacob is our son.  Jacob is now over a month old, and is still in the hospital.  We cannot wait to be with him.  Jacob is suffering from Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome.  His mother has experienced things in her life that most of us only experience in our nightmares.  She is a sweet and loving woman who you can tell in an instant LOVES Jacob more than you can imagine.  She loves him so much she is willing to allow us to adopt him because she knows that at this very moment in time she can't give him what he needs because she needs some time to really take care of herself.

Jacob is struggling as his little body learns to cope without the methadone he became accustomed to in his mother's womb.  It has been a rough start, but we can't wait to scoop him up and show him the comfort and love that God has shown us.

I also hope that in some small way we can share that comfort and love with his very brave mother.  She had a choice, and she chose life for him, so I ask that as you pray for Jacob, and you pray for us please pray for his mom.  She has become someone VERY dear to me, I love her and have so much compassion for what she is doing.  Loving and losing a child through any means is painful, and I can't help but admire her for choosing something so hard, and I am committed to praying with her and for her through each and every step.  I want Jacob to always know that he was loved from the start.  His mom will ALWAYS be a part of him and his life. I very much look forward to our conversations, and though we've never met she means a lot to me.

One day, Jacob is going to have such a testimony..such a story to tell.  He is so loved by so many people and we are all working hard to get him healthy and home.  God is weaving a beautiful story here and teaching each of us so much about love, trust and compassion.  It is getting harder and harder each day to be away from that sweet face.  I cannot wait to snuggle him and to hug his mom.  I am growing anxious and my heart breaks each night knowing he's spent one more day without us.

I have run around like a crazy person for the last week DOING all I could do.  At this point all we can do is wait for paperwork and funds and we know His timing is perfect.  God is working right now on my "Martha" tendencies as I try to hold onto control and micromanage everything...each day he is reminding me that there are just some things I cannot control...He is showing me how to have faith and step out even when I cannot see what is directly ahead.

"Be thou there till I bring thee word" ((Matt. 2:13)  This was the verse in my devotional today.  He is speaking to me...it is clear as day and yet I fight like a spoiled toddler because I don't do well with waiting.  In the waiting he is whispering, he is teaching, I am growing.  We are at a point where all we can do is wait upon Him and I am finding peace here.  We are willing and waiting for His mighty hand.

He is calling me to pray, to stop running in circles trying to constantly DO and to just trust Him.  He has gone ahead and prepared a way and I need to stop second guessing that and TRUST. I need to stop and bask in the glory of his promises and faithfulness.  Just ONE thing is needed...Just ONE.

This my friends is once again where the rubber meets the road...we say we walk by faith and not by sight...the time is here to live it.  We cannot see just what lies ahead...but we must keep walking and knowing He's got this.

Luke 10:41-42 “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary, has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her”.

7 comments:

Cheryl said...

Sweet, sweet baby whose birth mother loves him enough to give him what he needs...even though it must be so painful for her. Prayers for her, the sweet baby, and your family...

With Hope,
Cheryl

Trennia said...

Saying prayers for baby,his bio-momma,and your family.

Heart4Adoption said...

Love that you are doing this. Love your compassion for his birth mom. We have adopted 4 times as well and I understand the place you are in right now:) Press on!

Lori said...

Wow.wow.wow. Prayers and more prayers for you ALL. And God bless that birth mother...there is none of us who is perfect—what a blessing that she loves that baby so much she is doing the best she can for him.

Just wow. Praying!

Rebecca Umling said...

You are such a strong christian woman and I admire you and your family so much. I'm so exicted to see pictures from the day your hold that little boy in your arms. May God bless you and that little boys mother.

With Love,
Rebecca

Rebecca Umling said...

You are such an amazing woman. I can't wait to see pictures of you hugging that little boy so tight. Maybe God bless you and that little boys mother for making a hard but wise decision. I have you in my prayers.

With Love,
Rebecca

Kelly @ Sufficient Grace Ministries said...

He is beautiful. And so are you, my beautiful friend. Praying for him...and for the Boltes. Much love...