Thursday, January 12, 2012

How do you choose it?

I have been very sick the last week. Strep throat to be exact. In the time that I was sick, I actually had a lot of quiet time. Time to read and time to reflect are rarities, and they were mine for three days while I recovered. I am struggling with a few things and am wondering YOUR thoughts. God calls us to a life of radical obedience. He calls us to love Him above ALL else. He even goes so far as to say

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:26

I believe this verse calls us to love God above all else. to love him SO much that compared to our love for Him, the love for our family resembles hate. I believe God gives us a family and calls us to love them so I don't think he wants us to literally hate them...I "think" it is a comparison thing in this verse.

Anyway, as a mom, wife, woman, I struggle with this..I have let go of two of my own children and while I can praise him through that...I would not choose it. If I were Abraham, and God called me to sacrifice my own family by my own hand, to take the life of the child I prayed for and desperately wanted, part of me wants to say that I would do it in trust and obedience, yet in honesty I am fairly sure I wouldn't. Now we all know how the story goes. We know that God in fact does not allow Abraham to take the life of Isaac, but he was ready to do was IN MOTION.

I guess I feel kind of stuck on where do I go from there? What does it mean if I want to follow Him radically, but if I were given the choice between God or one of my children or husband, I am not sure what I would choose if I am being honest. Do I love my own life too much? How doe one get to THAT place of trust and obedience. It is easy to trust Him when it has already been ripped from your hands and you had no choice in the matter, but how do you choose it?


Unknown said...

I wish I had some amazing words for you, but, I too, have been thinking on these things. I want to wholeheartedly love God and Jesus. I am trying to seek Him with my whole heart this year and be open to what He wants me to do or not do. I have been living on the East side of the Jordan and I am choosing to cross the Jordan and conquer my Promised Land. Thankfully, God didn't call the Isrealites to conquer it all in one day, but in steps, and that is what He calls us to do. We have to take steps toward becoming the women He has called us to be. He knows we are dust and therefore He is longsuffering with us as we seek His face. I will be praying for you!

Kelly @ Sufficient Grace Ministries said...

Praying for wisdom and grace on this. So hard to fully grasp the meaning of these words from our God, whom we know calls us to love. I agree that He wants us to love Him above all else, and that's what He means by that scripture.

I don't know that any mother or father would choose it. I wouldn't have chosen to say goodbye to my children..even knowing the beauty God has brought from what we've walked through. I know, Abraham was obedient...and we also know that the Lord didn't truly intend for him to follow through but provided a sacrifice. Still...he was obedient, not knowing God would stop him.

I wonder if it is more of a "laying down" of our "control"...a surrendering. Obviously, not a literal laying down of the lives of those we love...but a complete trust in Him above all else...whatever He sends. An attitude that we will praise Him in the storm...even if the worst happens. Not something we should or would choose...but the attitude of our hearts if/when tragedy may strike.

So grateful that we live in His great grace and mercy, that He isn't asking us to choose.

Jason and Vanessa said...

I think you hit the nail on the head without realizing it. You lost two children and didn't curse God and die. I don't think it is a good idea to compare ourselves to Abraham because we know that God is not going to call us to do that. God did however call you to endure much pain and you endured it well sweet friend. You did choose God over your children because you are still walking with Him after losing two of them. If you didn't love God most of all you would have just walked away from the faith. But of course we know you can't do that because God is the one holding you helping you to run this race till the end. I love you!

asplashofsunshine said...

You're a believer in God. You're human. You're a mommy. Questioning yourself seems like it is bringing you down so so so much. I don't really know what to say, except that looking from the outside in, you truly are making wise and healthy choices. Give yourself permission to change your choices, or question them, without bringing yourself down. We all fail, we all rise. From what i "know" about God, He expects our ups and downs.

Lisa said...

I always thought that the story of Abraham and Isaac was to point towards the sacrifice of Christ... that God provided a sacrifice (the goat) just like He provided a sacrifice for us later (His only Son). I never thought that the story was telling us to be willing to sacrifice our own children... just to point us to the awesome fact that God is so much more merciful than us and gracious and loves us so much that He sacrificed FOR us so that we don't have to. Maybe I'm wrong??