Struggling

Hello everyone! This post is likely to be short as I just lack the words to even describe how I am feeling. The last few days have proven to be very difficult. I am not sure exactly what it is, maybe partly the fact that we live in the freezing cold north and I have a touch of seasonal affective disorder, maybe partly pregnancy hormones, maybe partly extremely difficult financial issues, but also likely largely because I am keenly aware that Sunday is Asher's birthday.

I have been at a loss as to how to celebrate and it is really bothering me. We don't really have the money to do much of anything, and I am not sure how we want to celebrate. I mean I want to be celebrating with a big party and chubby little hands in a smash cake, but that isn't happening so I want to honor our boy and have others celebrate him too, but am at a loss for how to do that. I can barely pull myself together long enough to go to the grocery store so I am not sure that I could handle a big deal anyway, but that is what we do for Isaac, a big picnic and it has always been perfect...February in Erie...a picnic is not possible.

So I guess...I am asking for your prayers. I know God will provide for us and I know that however we celebrate will be just fine. I am just a mommy though and I want his first birthday to be special...I just don't know how to do that without him here. So please pray and if you have any ideas of special things you have done for your little ones in Heaven I would love to hear them. Thanks!