Christmas = Hope!

I am feeling a bit better today. It has been very interesting to me how God's word seems to find you even when you feel so far from him. I woke up this morning and I really didn't feel like going to church. We ALWAYS go to church and I am tired and just wanted to relax. I knew however that that was likely not the answer to my sadness. Church is a place where we are to go to get renewed for the week and this morning that is exactly what I got.

I haven't reall been into Christmas lately. I find myself depressed with how commercialized the holiday has become and how it is pushed upon us as soon as Halloween has passed in each and every store completely shoving out Thanksgiving. It is hard to remain unexcited about Christmas though with two little boys in the house. The sermons at our church during this series are all on the Prayers of Christmas and last week it was interesting how much the message lined up with exactly what I needed to hear. It helped me to know that it was okay to pray for a miracle but also that I need to be open to God so that he can use me as he sees fit.

This week was on another prayer of Mary's (the magnificat). In her prayer Mary praises God for being who he is in spite of the fact that he has totally rocked her world. She is a lowly unwed teen who finds herself pregnant. This cannot be easy for Mary but she rejoices because she knows that God has a "mighty arm" and that despite what her circumstances look like she knows that God will be glorified and that she has been blessed and chosen to carry this special child. she knows his mighty arm will bring good out of the worst of circumstances. The prayer is from the book of Luke and though I must say that while I really cannot identify with Mary I have been able to find comfort in her story. I know that the baby I am carrying is not Jesus and I don't claim to be anything like Mary but I do belive that the child I am carrying has been placed just where he is for a very special purpose. I know that God has blessed me with this child no matter what the outcome. All children are a blessing from the Lord. I have been finding it tough these days to praise God. I have been angry with Him. But, I am trying very hard to change my mindset. I have read many stories in the Bible about righteous people who loved God and still suffered many tragedies in life. Justice may not happen on this Earth, but as was taught today, in the end God is a just God and he will be faithful to his promises if we patiently endure whatever life brings our way and have faith.

This is not to say that I still do not hurt tremendously for this baby. I am still praying each and every day that when we go for the second set of testing on December 18th we get our Christmas miracle. I know God can do it! But I guess either way, God is performing a miracle. I hope with all of my heart that the plan of God is to heal my baby boy and use him to further his kingdom, but if that is not the case I would never consider Happy to be anything but a miracle because I KNOW that good will be done in and through him despite our earthly circumstances.

Brian's message today gave me hope. I feel a little less targeted knowing that even people in Biblical times, even the mother of Jesus suffered a tremendous amount, but it was always brought to good. They never suffered without reason and purpose. Today I am thankful that the God we serve is a loving, compassionate and most of all a forgiving God. Maybe instead of feeling so down and victimized I should consider myself blessed that God gave me this baby at all. After all, we do not know what the end result will be. I AM learning to cherish each moment and that in and of itself is a gift. I know in the end justice will prevail.

So tonight we put up our Christmas tree and I am filled with a new hope. I know that this is just the beginning of a miracle and God has great things in store for this family if only we surrender ourselves to his plan. We surrender....we surrender to a mighty God who is so capable of bringing us out of this circumstance we find ourselves in, a God with a "mighty arm" who no matter what will bring it all around to good! The meaning and hope of Christmas this year is so much clearer to me than it has ever been! I am so thankful to Happy for that! He is a miracle!