Sunday, July 13, 2008

A converstation no one should have to have...

I went in yesterday to order a cake for a birthday celebration we are having in Isaac's honor. I carefully thought out what I would explain to the woman at the bakery...things never go as planned.

Me: I need to order a cake

Bakery: Ok, what size?

Me: 1/2 sheet, I would like brown and blue icing and half chocolate and half white.

Bakery: Is it for a birthday?

Me: Yes

Bakery: "What is your child's name?"

Me: Isaac

Bakery: Don't you want trucks or something like that...I mean what does he like?

Me: I am not sure, that is ok. Just brown and blue.

Bakery: All little boys like trucks or animals or something don't they?

Me: I really am not sure...he is in Heaven.

Bakery: Oh, You are ordering a birthday cake for a child who is dead? (looking at me like she wanted to run away, like I must be some crazy lady)

Me: Yes, he is still a part of our family and we still celebrate his life. He was such a gift, we are thankful God allowed us the time we had and we want to celebrate the impact his life has had on us.

Bakery: Okay, it will be ready Monday..

My day was downhill from there. I lack the words to continue his story. My heart aches too deeply right now. I am at a complete loss. My tears are plentiful and I just feel a heaviness and a void in my soul. I know God is here. He is showing me every day in many ways. It still hurts though. Three years later, it still hurts. Sometimes it seems to hurt worse now than before. I wonder what Isaac would have looked like at THREE YEARS OLD! What a big boy he would be. I miss him so much. I just keep reminding myself that this is all temporary. I will get to spend eternity with him and that is the only thing that keeps me going!
What a joyous event it will be when the Bolte Boys are all reunited with their Mommy and Daddy!

32 comments:

Suzie said...

I am so sorry. I just wish this was something that no one would ever have to go through. I know that there is no words to take the pain away, so just let me say that I am praying and thinking of you. I know that it is not much. But your words have helped me so much and I feel so helpless right now. Be gental with yourself tomorrow. And know that I am here. Love ya much!

Anonymous said...

God bless you! I had never considered celebrating birthdays of babies no longer on Earth but I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. I am sorry that it is sometimes so difficult to make the arrangements. I love your responses to the bakery - the person behind the counter will surely remember you - and hopefully be more appropriate if they are ever in a similar situation.

Thank you for sharing your stories of Isaac and Asher. I admire your strength and will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Susie said...

I'm so sorry! I had some kids ask me today if Oceana was my "only" kid... and I had trouble explaining tat e'd died. I hope his birthday is all it can be for what it is...

sumi said...

Ohh Kristy...HUGS!!!

Laura said...

Just came in to turn off the computer and wanted to check in on you...sounds like a hard day...a day that words cannot describe. I do think as the years go by the pain is more intense, but not such a sharp, stabbing feeling. I am praying for you as you celebrate your sweet Isaac. Sending you hugs and love too.

petebon5 said...

oh sweetie...bless your heart. that brings tears to my eyes tonight and lay here w/ a heavy heart for you. the lady shouldn't even gone any further w/ the convo! well i think Isaac would of been an handsome active lil boy, who would love to play in the water and yes the trucks and and lil cars and running wild! i bet he would love food! lol all lil boys do!! he would have a free spirit. isaac you are sure fortunate to have a beautiful family sweetie. i really haven't ever met your mommy, but i am gonna carry her carpet right now. you take care and happy 3RD lil man! have a good restful evening. i have that your heart is filled peace tonight. bonny n TX

Anonymous said...

I admit that I've been sort of one of those blog stalkers since I learned of your trip from Angie and Chrissy's blogs. I want you to know that although I don't know you, I am praying for you!

The Pittsburgh Hites said...

Kristy,
I'm on my knees tonight praying for you. I know that tomorrow's celebration is still going to be hard, and I hope that with all of us there that we can do justice to his memory.
I'm praying for you and Howard tomorrow, to get through the day. I know i haven't told you yet, but Thank you, thank you for sharing Isaac's story with the rest of us. I know I've heard it before, but it still has the same emotion and affect on me. I feel like I am there, traveling the road with you even though our roads did not join until months after he passed.
Thank you for sharing Isaac's birthday with us, it means more than we can tell you to be a part of it.
-Ginger

Destini said...

I am so sorry for all the hurting...I wish there was something I could do to help carry that burden for you. I have lifted you in prayer this morning as I read this through teary eyes, praying that God will fill that hole in your heart with his grace and tenderness. I also pray that you are able to experience the restoration he speaks of so frequently in the Bible.

mandy said...

Kristy,
Praying for your family today. Enjoy Isaac's cake!

Jen in Al said...

my heart breaks with you...praying for you...jen in al

Erin said...

Happy Birthday Isaac! We are thinking of you today and praying that you will have a peaceful day remembering your son. I wish people would be more compassionate and understanding that our babies are still part of our family eventhough they aren't here on earth with us. We have made a cake and sang happy birthday for our Isaac the past two years as well.

Tamara said...

OH that is just aweful! I am so, so, so sorry that people have to be so incensitive!

How dare she... I would have screamed, ya old bag, I hope you think long and hard about your rude incensitive words and then walked away.

Your display of grace was right and I am so proud of you for not pulling a Tamara.

Issacs life should be celebrated especially on his birthday, he had purpose and still does. He touched lives and still does. He gave love and does even more now. He brought joy and lives in it fully now.

Please know I am praying for you, that the God of all comfort will pull you in and hug you...

Christa said...

Holy Moly! (((Kristy))) That was VERY rude of her to say that. I don't think it's wierd or odd to celebrate a child's life! I actually think it's normal. It would be abnormal to let the date pass without celebration...in my *humble* opinion. I want you to know that I am praying for you, Howard, and the boys this week.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ISAAC!!!!

Devon Rene said...

i am so sorry about that stupid woman at the bakery. if she only knew...

thinking of you as you celebrate issac's life. you have become an inspiration to me.

just 4 months out and i am realizing this journey of grief is a very long one...one that i don't think ever ends.

but i know our boys are playing together. oh, if we could only catch a glimpse!

praying for a better day...

The Whalen Family said...

May God continue to bless you and your family. I admore you so much Kristy. I pray for you guys daily. As you have touched my life more than you know. Thank you for sharing such a difficult time for you and your family. God be with you today!

Lots of love!

*Tiffany!*

Valerie said...

Thinking of you and your family today as you celebrate precious Isaac's birthday! Happy Birthday, little one! I know that although today will be difficult, you will honor him in a special way. Saying an few extra prayers for you today!

asplashofsunshine said...

Wow, how wonderful the memories Isaac is still bringing to your family! Way to go for continuing to keep July 14th a happy and special day for your family. I can't imagine it is an easy thing to do. I guess that is what such wonderful mommies like you do. Enjoy the day today, as much as you possibly can.

HAPPY 3rd BIRTHDAY ISAAC!

The VW's said...

I'm so sorry! Suffering is so hard to understand! But, God's love and purpose for you is not! Keep your faith and know that I'll be praying for you!

Devin said...

Oh Kristy....how difficult that must have been, and how difficult these days must be thinking of all this. I know it is something that is always with you, but some days are more difficult than others. Anniversary dates are most certainly the hardest.

Thinking of you, and praying for you this day.
Devin in Illinois

The Lenda's said...

Praying for you today. I am shedding tears with you. I never got to meet my seven babies that went to heaven when I was pregnant in my first trimester but I can't wait to meet them in heaven. Hugs and enjoy your special day remembering your precious boy.
Rachel

Just Me said...

Happy Birthday Isaac!

I am sorry to read about this experience, but hoping I can shed a little "light" on it...

I have come to realize that some people, myself included sometimes, live in a "bubble". They have no idea that babies die here in this country (for reasons that have nothing to do with "taking care of yourself"). Those thoughts just don't cross the mind of the "average person". I am a nurse, but had never heard about "Trisomy 18" until a year ago. I bet there are lots of people who don't know that there are babies who need organ transplants for a chance to live. I didn't until that became my "life"...

This is no excuse for anyone to be rude...there is never an excuse to be rude. However, I'm "guessing" that even if the woman was not kind to you, your words did make her think. Even if it hit her hours later, how could she NOT stop and think "Yeah, I suppose if MY baby died, I would not want to forget him, or let anyone else forget him..." (and, probably wishing she could turn back time and say something else)

It sounds to me like you took an uncomfortable and hurtful conversation and turned it into an opportunity to open the eyes of someone who just "didn't know". I don't think she will forget Isaac, or your family.

Take care,
Amanda

ditarae said...

Hi Kristy,
I think that your request to order a cake in Isaac's honor makes perfect sense. It's sad that it was met with such an aghast response. I hope that after you left, she thought through the exchange and realized the beauty of what you were doing, AND the privilege that was extended to her to be part of making it special.

Holly said...

Christa linked me here and while I lack any words that could possibly comfort you, please know your family is in my prayers. Happy Birthday to your special little boy and one day you will hold him close again and all this will be a very distant memory.

msharae said...

Lately I've noticed that it looks like lots of people slept through Tact 101... and here is yet another example of what not to say. Seriously...

I hope your family has had a wonderful day. I'm sure it's been bittersweet.

There are so many people lifting you guys up to God, calling on Him to pour out love and grace and hope! I give God all the glory and praise Him for the love and support people are giving you, especially today. I know you'll make it a point to "praise Him in this storm!"

Mrs. MK said...

Prayers for a very special week!

3 years....of course it still hurts! Love and prayers!

Corie said...

Thinking about you!

David, Ashley and Noah said...

Oh, I wish I could be there to hug you momma! How thoughtless of her! You should celebrate him and everything he was and still is to you. You are amazing!
Ashley

Alicia said...

Praying for you Kristy.

Melissa Dovel said...

Kristy,
Ive not disappeared:) I have been reading just dealing with some issues on my own end. I dont want to comment on anyones blog and have it come out wrong. Any way you have prayer warriors PRAYING for you every day! For strength and peace and joy. I know some days will be so much harder than others and my heart aches for your loss. I am with you- what a day it will be when you meet your boys in heaven! I bet then you will be able to know what "the Lords peace" really feels like.


U R A BLESSING
sending hugs and I think you did a wonderfull job celebrating you sons birthday.
Melissa

siscaboo said...

I had a similar experience last year on JT's first birthday. We were getting baloons and a happy 1st year balloon. His second birthday is next month and we are doing cake and balloons again and I am totally dreading the ordering of the stuff.

I hope your celebration went well. I know Isaac was looking down rockin out his birthday with you all.

Big ((HUGS))

So Blessed said...

Praying for you, Sweet Kristy.
May you be comforted by the prayers that are lifting your name to our loving Father...that He will give you the strength you need for these difficult days.