Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Happy Birthday Isaac! Has it been three years already?

My devotional verse from yesterday:

"I called to the Lord in my distress, and I cried to my God for help. From His temple He heard my voice, and my cry to Him reached His ears." Psalm 18:6

Oh how appropriate.


This morning when Luke woke up he ran out to the kitchen, where I was and he said, "Mom, I bet those balloons from last night are in Isaac's hands right now! I bet he is sharing with Asher! It was a great party. I am sure he had fun watching us."


That statement reaffirmed why I pushed myself yesterday. Why even though I wanted to stay in bed and cry all day I got up and planned a birthday part just as I would have for any of my kids. We do birthdays big at the Bolte house. Not necessarily big presents, just big parties. It gives us an excuse to get family together and especially now we know what a gift each new year of life is! My boys are keenly aware that having a birthday party for each of their brothers in Heaven is just as important as their own. It in no way seems foreign



Yesterday was a really tough day for me. I didn't want to get up, (and yet it was my turn to get up with Ben who gets up EARLY) Once Howard got up we had some errands to run and were gone most of the afternoon. I had no idea how many people to expect last night as though I invited many I wasn't sure how people viewed my intentions. I am not sure how I would have reacted years ago had I been invited to a party for a child who had died. Being a Monday night I knew many people already had obligations. I just felt it important to celebrate THAT day. Howard's parents were there, his sister and her little guy Andrew, and a few close friends who really knew what the day meant, many of whom rearranged their schedule, knowing how much this meant to us. So it was a small party, but we were happy there were even a few people who wanted to celebrate with us.






We ate, (Howard deep fried turkeys with marinade injected into them and they were SUPER!) the kids played in the yard, we had cake and at the end of the day, Luke and Ben sent Happy Birthday balloons to Heaven for Isaac. (the balloon thing was all Luke! He was so cute. Ben on the other hand did NOT want to let go! It was a cool balloon!)






Today Howard had to go to school for Middle School Open House. Not really a great day for him to have to be gone all day but we will manage. He will be gone ALL day. He went early this morning to get things done in his classroom since he would be heading over anyway. He probably also needed to get away from me...I have not been the easiest person to deal with.



I know I need to be so thankful for the family and friends who were able to celebrate with us, but I must admit that it hurts a lot that not ONE member of my own immediate family called, sent a note, or showed up yesterday. I am trying very hard not to let that get to me but I just cannot understand after all this time how they could let the day go by unnoticed.



So this morning I let the kids have left over cake for breakfast and we are just going to hang out. I am getting better (maybe too good) about letting other things go. It looks like it is going to be a sunny day! I could use some sunshine!



21 comments:

msharae said...

Sunshine sounds like a great idea!

Audre said...

Kristy

Please know that even though your immediate family didn't come that there are other people out there who love you and care for you as much if not more than them. I'm praying for you today and I hope your day is amazing.

God loves you

Audre

Katie in Maine said...

We don't know eachother, but I have been following your story. I think having the party is a great way to remember your son. All of us in bloggerland were there with you in spirit! Praying you have a peaceful day with your boys.
Katie

dr_bristow said...

Thinking of you and praying for you this morning. Happy Birthday Isaac!

Anonymous said...

I am sorry that you are hurting because of your lack of family there. I was honored to be asked to celebrate with you, Howard, and the boys. They missed out.

love you
claire

Anonymous said...

Celebrating Isaac's birthday is a wonderful idea!! It helps to keep him an active person in your family's history. You are teaching your children (and myself) how to make the best of a sad part of your life. I hope to never experience what your family has but if I do, I will definately celebrate like you do!!! Thanks again, Marcie, Ohio

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you, it sounds like Isaac had a really nice birthday party. May you find peace and understanding among your family that did not attend.

asplashofsunshine said...

I find it wonderful that Isaac is still making NEW memories with family and friends, just in a different way. I am sure Isaac is being an outstanding big brother to Asher and sharing his balloons in Heaven. CUTE! You have so many reasons to smile. What a great mommy you are!

Jessica mommy to Alex/ RTS said...

Happy birthday Isaac!

awaltons said...

I have been following your blog for sometime now, I have a son who died April 14 from Trisomy 18. Yesterday marked three months he has been gone. I just want you to know that I think it is wonderful that you celebrate Isaac in such a way. Thank you, You are giving courage to those of us who walk behind you on this journey after losing our children. And I just want to say, I'm so impressed at how you handled yourself at the bakery.

Autumn Walton
www.caringbridge.org/visit/ajwalton

Corie said...

Im glad you had the opportunity to celebrate Isaac and the life he gave to you. He is part of who you are today and so we should celebrate their lives for who they are and the life God let us have with them. Thinking of you so much! So many difficult days for you.

Devin said...

You are making the difficult but correct choice by choosing to have the best attitude you can and let things go.

It is so hard to understand why people do/say the things they do/say sometimes (or, better yet, the LACK of things they do/say).

But bitterness hurts no one but the one who is bitter....and it can hurt something fierce! (Been there.....)

Your party was a great way to celebrate Isaac's life, and those who were there were, I am sure, blessed as well. Those who weren't--well, seems to me, anyway--really missed out.

Hope you all enjoyed that yummy cake this morning for breakfast! *grin*

The VW's said...

Happy Birthday Isaac!

I pray that God will show you some sun today, in more ways than one! I'll be praying for you!

I'm sorry that more family didn't support you on this very emotional and important day!

God Bless You!

Beth said...

I will be sure to remember you in prayer. May God give you some of His "sunshine" over these next few days.

Hilary said...

My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you, Kristy. I'm so sorry to hear about your very hard emotional days recently. My heart aches for you. I pray for continued strength and peace.
I am also very glad to hear about the party for Isaac. What a beautiful tradition to have for all your boys! You are a great mom. Luke, Isaac, Ben and Asher sure are blessed.
God Bless you and your family,
Hilary

Nicole said...

Happy Birthday Isaac! It is hard to believe that you are now three! Sounds like your family planned a nice birthday party for you. I'm sure you were smiling from up above.

Thinking of you Kristy - as well as Howard and the boys. Take good care!

Love, Nicole

Kenzie said...

Sweet friend-

What a beautiful day of celebrating Issac's birthday! I am so amazed at you and they way you continue to teach Luke and Ben about their brothers, about Heaven, about Jesus and about how much He loves us, although sometimes things happen even when we don't understand why. Girl, I love you so much and am so proud of you... I know Howard is too and I'm thankful that you could celebrate with those that understand how important this is... wish I could have been there! I'll be praying about your family...
Love you friend!
Kenz

M said...

Kristy,

You were in my thoughts and prayers yesterday but I didn't get the chance to leave a comment. I am praying. I think it is wonderful you celebrated with a party.

Love, Michelle

Emily said...

What a great birthday. You're a wonderful mom.

Praying for sunshine in the morning!

Alicia said...

Kristy,
Praying for you....

Andrea said...

What a wonderful party! Happy birthday sweet boy. What a gift for you to be in His hands today.
Hugs