Happy Birthday Isaac! Has it been three years already?

My devotional verse from yesterday:

"I called to the Lord in my distress, and I cried to my God for help. From His temple He heard my voice, and my cry to Him reached His ears." Psalm 18:6

Oh how appropriate.

This morning when Luke woke up he ran out to the kitchen, where I was and he said, "Mom, I bet those balloons from last night are in Isaac's hands right now! I bet he is sharing with Asher! It was a great party. I am sure he had fun watching us."

That statement reaffirmed why I pushed myself yesterday. Why even though I wanted to stay in bed and cry all day I got up and planned a birthday part just as I would have for any of my kids. We do birthdays big at the Bolte house. Not necessarily big presents, just big parties. It gives us an excuse to get family together and especially now we know what a gift each new year of life is! My boys are keenly aware that having a birthday party for each of their brothers in Heaven is just as important as their own. It in no way seems foreign

Yesterday was a really tough day for me. I didn't want to get up, (and yet it was my turn to get up with Ben who gets up EARLY) Once Howard got up we had some errands to run and were gone most of the afternoon. I had no idea how many people to expect last night as though I invited many I wasn't sure how people viewed my intentions. I am not sure how I would have reacted years ago had I been invited to a party for a child who had died. Being a Monday night I knew many people already had obligations. I just felt it important to celebrate THAT day. Howard's parents were there, his sister and her little guy Andrew, and a few close friends who really knew what the day meant, many of whom rearranged their schedule, knowing how much this meant to us. So it was a small party, but we were happy there were even a few people who wanted to celebrate with us.

We ate, (Howard deep fried turkeys with marinade injected into them and they were SUPER!) the kids played in the yard, we had cake and at the end of the day, Luke and Ben sent Happy Birthday balloons to Heaven for Isaac. (the balloon thing was all Luke! He was so cute. Ben on the other hand did NOT want to let go! It was a cool balloon!)

Today Howard had to go to school for Middle School Open House. Not really a great day for him to have to be gone all day but we will manage. He will be gone ALL day. He went early this morning to get things done in his classroom since he would be heading over anyway. He probably also needed to get away from me...I have not been the easiest person to deal with.

I know I need to be so thankful for the family and friends who were able to celebrate with us, but I must admit that it hurts a lot that not ONE member of my own immediate family called, sent a note, or showed up yesterday. I am trying very hard not to let that get to me but I just cannot understand after all this time how they could let the day go by unnoticed.

So this morning I let the kids have left over cake for breakfast and we are just going to hang out. I am getting better (maybe too good) about letting other things go. It looks like it is going to be a sunny day! I could use some sunshine!