Saturday, May 9, 2009

Mother's Day

Well, last year I shared some of my thoughts of my own mother on mothers day here. I would like to say I am at a better place with all of that but I cannot say that just yet. I am working on some things, but Mother's day still remains a day that brings stinging tears to my eyes and a sickness to my gut. ( It seems kind of a pointless day that just alienates those who are missing mothers or those who are missing children. I mean why not celebrate motherhood on your children's birth dates, the dates you became a mother rather than some arbitrary day in May?) OK sorry that was my rant.

I have much to be thankful for. I am very certain of this and I assure you that I am very aware of how blessed I am. For some reason I just really still struggle with Mother's day. I have since 1988 and am pretty sure I always will. I will never forget the Mother's Days in school where all of the kids made projects for their moms and I got taken aside to do an "alternate" project for my dad or my grandma. It always made me feel so much worse. I know the teachers were trying to be sensitive to my situation, but the whole thing just stunk. My heart would always sink as those project dates drew near.

These days I no longer am in grade school, but have similar feelings still. Even as I sit with my own boys and create mother's day projects for grandmas. I think about how they will never know my mom. How they were cheated out of a grandmother. Cemetery visits should NOT have to be part of a Mother's Day celebration and in my life, for too long they have been.

I also think about the two boys I wish would be here to jump on the bed in the morning and cover me with sloppy kisses wishing me a happy Mother's day. There will be two boys who do that and for that I am so grateful, but there will still be two missing and their absence is felt very tangibly on days like Mother's Day.

This Mother's day I am still without a mother, I am the mother of FIVE children. Two in Heaven, two on earth, and one still growing inside my womb. There is a lot of hurt for me that comes with Mother's Day, but also joy. Joy that I have gotten to be the mother of five children. Joy that some women only dream of.

I think sometimes on Mother's Day we celebrate moms and what it means to be a mom, but I think we also forget, that for many this day opens wounds and stings an already broken heart. There are so many people out there who are motherless, and so many mothers who are childless. I will be spending some time tonight and tomorrow praying for those very hearts, and I ask that if you feel led you would join me. If you have a hurt or prayer request this Mother's Day, I would be so honored to pray for you specifically as I pray for the brokenhearted. You can leave a comment here or email me at kbolte01@gmail.com and I will surely spend time in prayer for your heart as I am so keenly aware of the hurt this day can stir up. But as aware as I am of that hurt, I am equally aware of the comfort that our Lord can and will bring and I will be praying for that comfort for each of the hearts hurting this Mother's Day. The Lord has been so good to me and has comforted my aching heart and I want Him to be able to do the same for you!

19 comments:

Trennia said...

I too share your pain.My Emily was born last year exactly 1 week and 1 day before Mother's Day.Last year on Mother's Day marked a week since I had held her.Our pastor announced the newest mother, which should have been me but I had no baby to show off :(
Now this Mother's Day marks exactly a week after my Emily's
1st birthday.Praying for you my friend as I know this road is hard.I also have tins in heaven I miscarried when I was a little over 3 months.I miss all 3 of my little one's...

Lindsey's mom said...

I found your blog via my charming kids. I am so sorry that you are hurting this mother's day. I wanted you to know that you are not alone. My daughter earned her angel wings January 6, 2006. I am lucky that I had her for 8 wonderful years but boy does Mother's day bring mixed emotions. God Bless you !
Kathy
Anchorage Ak

Somebody Loved said...

How kind of you to willingly offer up a sincere prayer for anyone hurting this Mother's Day.

As a child...
I can only imagine how hard losing your Mother would be. I was 40 years old when I lost my Mother and when I think about it... I feel like a child that is lost without her.

I miss her dearly.

I always loved Mother's Day... until she passed away... and then I tried to avoid all holidays.

Maybe you & I can pray for those not brave enough to share through comment or e.mail.

Have a wonderful day tomorrow... inspite of your memories.

ToOdLeS.ShEiLa

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Praying for you this Mother's Day. It is bittersweet for me, as well. I am blessed to be the mother of my two boys on this Earth...but my heart aches for my own mother (who went home to heaven in 2006) and three children who are not with me. I am missing the generations surrounding me...at least precious pieces of them. Praying for you...and so many others...that you would feel His loving arms around you today...

Nicole O'Dell said...

Happy Mother's Day to you!

I 'm sorry for the sadness you've had on this day. Enjoy today!

Jennifer said...

I sent you an email. I'm praying for you today.

stephanie said...

I just went to read your post from last year, I am so sorry.I can't believe what you have been through, and are still standing. What a testament to your faith you are.You are truely amazing. Today you are in my prayers in a special way. What an incredibly special person you are.

Anonymous said...

Mother's Day is hard this year. Strange since mom passed away almost 2 1/2 yrs ago. I just didn't want to go to church this morning so I didn't-and not because they celebrate Mother's Day but because they DON'T!!! What's the use of going when they don't even honor mothers?
M-Day was such a grand event when I was a child. You wore a red flower/ribbon if she was living and a white one if she was dead. We don't hold those traditions anymore though my father did (he lost his mother when he was 6) up until he died.
Blessings to you, my dear. Heaven gets sweeter all the time!

Rebekah said...

Thank you for the prayers & reminder not to despair- I'll be praying for you too. I don't know the pain of not having my mother but I do know how it feels to not have my child here in my arms. This year's mother's day is a little easier and I'm feeling a peace that passes all my understanding but I still long to be a mom.
Love & peace to you.

Laurie in Ca. said...

I am with you here Kristy. I was going to do a Mother's Day post about my mom but just couldn't do it.
Instead I choose to celebrate being a mom and grandma and love all of you girls who are dear to me. I hope your day is so special for you as you wait for your precious baby girl to be born. You truly are one of the best moms ever!!:) I love you.

Love and Hugs, Laurie

Emily said...

I just read some information about the origins of Mother's Day that make me feel like the holiday was created for grieving mothers like me, and for those who grieve lost mothers. Here's an except, and I attached the link below. I know that your day has so much pain that this article can't even touch, but I'm thinking about you today.

"...Anyway, point being: the origins of this holiday, at least in this country, were already tangled with death -- the absence of mothers, the absence of grown children, gone off to serve their country. It was never meant to be a day where you bought diamond baubles or sent a Hallmark...

Because Mother's Day has become so ungodly commercial, it must, for it's economic livelihood, focus on the living. You cannot take a dead mother to brunch, buy her a cell phone plan, or send her a card. It puts pressure on daughters of mothers who neglected or abused, and I imagine, makes them wonder what they're missing -- having no one they'd really care to spend hard-earned money on.

Even for a day..."

http://www.glowinthewoods.com/home/2009/5/10/give-her-what-she-wants.html

halograce said...

Mothers Day has always been a cemetary day for me, visiting with Grandparents, putting flowers on loved ones who had past. Tending and caring for the flowers, somehow, brought them comfort, be it for a parent, sibling, daughter or aunt.

All women are ~MOTHERS~ regardless of their parental status. Women tend, care, nurse and love....be it children, siblings, parents, spouse, friends, neighbors, pets or extended family.

Women simmer the soup, bandage the wound, comb the hair, stitch the rip, smooth the wrinkles, rock away the fear. They make the house a home, with nurturing, teaching, caring and love.

One does not need to give birth to be a Mother, one just needs to be a woman.

A day to honor these ladies is indeed special, and I personally try to celebrate it annually.
Expressing love to the women in my life, family and friends, who
carry on the tradition.

Love and prayers,
Robin/Halo.

Tammy On the Go said...

Meeting you for the first time, saw you on Stacy's blog....thank you for your faith, blessings for this new baby!

Tammy said...

I have a blog dedicated to remembering people we love and not taking them for granted. I hope you don't mind that I have added you to my "Why do we Tell them" list.
Thank you for your blog.

Tara said...

thanks for your honesty. i have actually wished mothers day did not exist for the longest time. My mother too sufferd severe bi polar depression and her mom(my nan) took her own life when i was 10. every year after that was not exactly a great year for our family, there was a lot of pressure for us to "make up" for the bad side of mums feelings that day. Last year my brother also choose to leave this world, leaving me alone to pick up the pieces. So even with young chilren to enjoy on the day i dont get a chance between a mother in law who plans and books her own things for us to do on mothers day and trying to make the day bearable for my mum... I actually really wish it didnt exist now

Williamsboys said...

My husband did the same thing your mom did almost 6 years ago. My boys were 2 1/2 and 14months. I want to say thank you for your honesty and willingness to put it out there. I don't know when I will tell my boys because I too said that daddy was "sick". I've been praying about it since October 3, 2003! I still don't know the right time. I'm praying for you and your family.

Jessica mommy to Alex/ RTS said...

Thinking of you. You are a wonderful mother! Happy mothers day!

Stephanie said...

Hi! I'm new to the "blogging world", but I've been following your blog for a few months...maybe longer! I admire your strength in the Lord and I think you are an extremely strong woman! Anyway, I just wanted to say Hi!

Amy said...

I just ran across your blog tonight, and began to cry as I read it. I just lost my baby boy a week ago Thursday, April 30th. He was born still at 36 weeks. This Mother's Day was hard to say the least.