Friday, May 29, 2009

A Late Night Letter to Our Girl

Sweet Baby Girl,

Honestly words cannot even begin to describe the overwhelming gratitude and love I feel as I am reminded with each of your kicks and nudges of the gift the Lord has blessed me with in you. You will enter this world within the next week unaware of where this little family of ours has been, or the fact that you are the fifth baby the Lord has entrusted to us. When you arrive you will see two of the most amazing big brothers so eager to love on and protect you. They snuggle you and talk to you so much already am certain you will know them instantly.

Your biggest brother Luke loves to talk to you. He puts his lips right up to my bellybutton, thinking it is the microphone to where you are. He loves to rub my belly and tell you all about tractors and read you books. He prays for you each and every day and helps to keep all of us aware of the blessing that you already are.

The big brown eyes you will see staring down at you are those of your brother Benjamin. I am quite certain the two of you already have a special connection. He LOVES to "open my belly" cover you with the soft side of his blankie and lay his head down and tell you how much he loves you. Sometimes he can sit there for a half an hour at a time (which is huge for Ben) and just snuggle you. When I panic because you are not as active as usual Ben can ALWAYS get you to move around.

You will see instantly that your daddy is more in love with you than he ever could have imagined. He is so excited for your arrival and cannot wait to hold you. He has prepared the most amazing room for you and is looking forward to seeing you grow in it. I assure you that the two of you are going to have a very special relationship, but that he is going to take his job of protecting you VERY seriously. He already does. He has already gone through your wardrobe deeming what is appropriate and what is not. :-) When that becomes frustrating, please remember how much he LOVES you and wants the best for you. Really he does.

I cannot even wrap my mind around what you will see when you look up at me, your mommy. I am quite certain you will likely be showered with my tears. I am so excited to meet you and hold you and watch you grow and yet I am heartbroken because there are two little boys, two more of your big brothers that you will not see. They are there, they will always be there, but you will not see them. They live with Jesus, and though there is honestly no better place they could be, my heart aches to know that they will not get to know the gift of you and you will not get to know them. What you will know is the love they brought to this world.

Though you will not see them, your life will be touched by them. Our family is still grieving the loss of those two amazing boys but we are also rejoicing in the gift of you. I want to make it very clear that you do not come into this world already with a job of healing our hurt. You come as your own blessing and gift just as they did. You will change our hearts and our world just as the four brothers who came before you have. You will get to grow alongside and know the love of Luke and Ben and you will get to feel the love and transformation in your family because of Isaac and Asher. It is because of them that we love a little deeper, hold on to each moment just a little tighter, and praise God for his good plan for our family.

We cannot wait to see what you have to teach us. You have already made it abundantly clear that you are your own person, a new and exciting gift from God and we cannot wait to get to know you. Our prayer is that we are able to be the parents the Lord intended us to be for you. That we will seek Him in every decision and love you with a grace and passion similar to His love for us. We know that he chose us to be your parents for a reason and we take that responsibility very seriously. We are so in love with you and just cannot wait to meet you! Though I know that many tears will be shed in the days following your birth, please know they are tears of PURE JOY for the new thing the Lord is doing in our lives. We are looking forward with hope knowing that the Lord has much in store for this family of ours!

Love,
Mommy

23 comments:

dgomin718 said...

I have been reading your posts for so long.

The one thing I really need to comment, you got something wrong. Very wrong.

Those two brothers she won't see when she gets here? Ummmm, they have been there with her through this ride....they helped put her there. They have been her guardian angels and playmates through this ride. She knows them, don't you worry about that.

And, when she smiles and you don't know what she is smiling at..she sees those two little Angels.

You are an awesome Mom, and don't ever forget that.

Alicia said...

I am moved beyond words by this post.

God Bless you and your family. I am praying for you and for your little girl's arrival.

Laurie in Ca. said...

Beautiful letter to your sweet baby girl Kristy. She feels the love alright, right where she is. What she doesn't know is the joy and love she will see on all of your teary faces when she decides to come out:) I can hardly wait for your moment to come. I have waited a long time for this:) Praying for you sweetie. She will let us know if she will be a May baby or a June baby:)

Love and Hugs, Laurie

Anonymous said...

Kristy,

Beautiful letter to your little girl. You will be and already are an awesome Mom.

I can't wait to see her!

I love you!
Denise

Rebecca said...

*tears streaming down my face*

How truly, truly beautiful. I hope you will print this out or save it somehow for your baby girl to reflect on when she gets older. Totally precious!

Nicole said...

Beautiful letter, Kristy. I'm sure she will shed tears of pure joy someday when she's old enough to read it herself. Praying for her safe arrival - SOON!

Anonymous said...

Kristy, Beautiful words you have put together for your daughter, she will so blessed when she is old enough to understand how she came to be the 5th Bolte Baby!

Brenda

Denise said...

I read this through tears. Simply beautiful.

Michelle said...

Kristy, it is hard to believe the time has come for this little girl to enter the world! I am so very excited for your family and I look forward to seeing this precious little girl in pics soon! AND for her to have a name we know her by!! :) Much love, Michelle

malette-foreveryoung said...

Your little girl will love reading this went she gets old.
It is a very nice letter for her from her family

Lauren said...

Can't wait to "meet" your precious little girl!

Melanie said...

Precious!

Emily said...

Waiting with bated breath... and loving you both.

Corie said...

Beautiful...your words are always so clear...so amazing..so wise! You are a great mommy and this little girl will know the blessing she is and the individuals all 5 of your children are. Her life will definitly be affected by the brothers she has not seen. Becuause you have been affected. She will be blessed by you all. So excited for the news soon.

Cristi said...

What a wonderful keepsake for your daughter!

Ashley said...

That was beautiful! And thank you so much for sharing it with us. I can't wait to see pictures of the little girl! Praying for you and your family in South Carolina. :)

asplashofsunshine said...

Such a lucky baby girl to have four big brothers to admire in her own way, a daddy who will be there every step of the way, and a mommy that is so wonderful that words can not describe.

It will be a fantastic day when we can see her face. SO SOOOOON! Give your tummy a little pat for me. (Is that strange to ask a total stranger?) :)

The Tellinghuisen Family said...

A wonderful letter to your little girl, and what a keepsake for her to read later in life!

I have finally caught up to your current blog after hours of reading! I held my breath during the blogs regarding the particular ultrasound in which the head was measuring small. Seeing that you were told the same words as I heard "That if you hadn't had other babies with microcephaly, the doctor wouldn't even have mentioned it." I was then beyond relieved to see it turned out well with all the ultrasounds after that. I do so hope that this will be the case for us as well. It gives me hope that sometimes a measurement can be just that - a measurement, and I that I mustn't dwell on it. I can only hope to have a healthy baby this time, just as you will be blessed with a precious healthy little girl!

I am so thankful for having found your blog when I did - you are an amazing mother, and so many of your words mirror my thoughts.

Please know I think of you and your family often now that I have read your story, and I admire the fact that you reach out to so many people. I know that can be exhausting, and yet you do it. Also, I think of your little boys in Heaven often, and they melt my heart with how precious they are!

Much Love and Admiration,
Stephanie

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

what beautiful words....I love your blog and have read it for a long time. That was a beautiful post...

Hope you will stop by and visit me...

Mirna said...

You are an awesome mom! She is very blessed to have you. They all are. Wishing you all the best for the next couple of days. :0)

Lisa said...

smiling through teary eyes...

your babies are all so loved. You are an awesome mommy, and have the most amazing family of 7.

Just Me said...

Beautiful. Can hardly believe we are all going to meet this little girl VERY soon! Hugs and prayers for you to have a smooth delivery and quick recovery.

Take care,
amanda

AmandaC said...

:*> Absolutely beautiful