Thursday, March 6, 2008

Incredibly discouraged....

Well the last few days have been quite awful here at the Bolte house. I have been struggling immensely after burying Asher on Monday. My emotions are ALL over the place. I was hoping we could use this last week while Howard is off work to do some fun things as a family and just rest and try to process the events of the past two weeks.

I am having a difficult time understanding God's lack of intervening in the small stuff. I am trying very hard to grieve the loss of another son whom I love so deeply and God has continually told me to "Be Still." I am really trying to be still so I can process and so that I can heal physically.

Tuesday night our area was struck with a pretty bad ice storm. We lost power before bed but figured it would come back on soon. It did not. We have had problems in the past with our basement flooding and it did just that yet again when the battery back up pump quit because the battery went dead. We JUST got power back about a half an hour ago and it is 2:30 on Thursday. That means we have had no heat, no water and no lights since Tuesday. Our basement is soaked along with everything in it and we had to go purchase a new pump because the regular one went early this morning while running on a generator. All of the food in our refrigerator had to be removed and is now outside.

So for the last 36 hours or so I am having a hard time understanding why God would allow this to happen ON TOP of what we are already dealing with. Since Howard has been so preoccupied with all of that that has put me in primary care of the kids many times. I am now in much more pain than I had been because I have overdone it. Now we have to worry about moving everything in the basement and bleaching everything before it molds. It will take all weekend and is not really anything anyone can help us with. I am so overwhelmed. I just feel like this weekend should have been reserved for grieving and now we have to recover from the last two days without power.

So please pray for us this weekend as we try to put our home back together and clean up the disaster outside from tree limbs. I know it probably seems like I am whining again, but I am just so discouraged right now. I know God will provide and He always does, I guess I just expected that I would feel protected and "held" right now and I really feel anything but that.

20 comments:

Story of our Life said...

Your plate is already soo incredibly full and then to top it off with this horrible weather junk doesnt' make it any easier.

I'm sooo very sorry!! I wish there was something I could do to help you get threw just today...let alone tmw and the next..and so on and so on. I think of you often and yet we dont' even know each other!!

Remember to take care of you!!!
Love in Him...who has a plan we just dont' know what it is...

Gala

cojlisa16 said...

Hi, you don't know me, but I've been following your story for awhile now. I have not faced a loss such as yours, so I can't possibly say anything helpful in that regard, other than your feelings seem "normal" for someone going through such an abnormal, not to mention heartbreaking experience.

I mostly just want to let you know that I am lifting you and your family up in prayer and will continue to do so. I pray along with you that you will feel "held".

A sister in Christ.

Devin said...

Kristy,

I am so very sorry that all of this is happening on top of everything else. I know that there really isn't anything else I can say to make you feel better, but know that I am praying and will continue to pray for you and your family this week/weekend.

Devin in Illinois

Jessica said...

I have questioned God before.
Im praying for you.

The Lenda's said...

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone as it may seem at times. You are being surrounded by a body of sisters in Christ form all of the world that are lifting you and your family up in prayer at this very moment.

I don't even know you and yet I sit here weeping for your pain, crying out to God to show mercy on your family during this terribly painful time in your lives. Praying that He gives you grace to take each day one day at a time. Praying that He sends people to watch your children and help your husband clean up the basement, and most of all peace so you can rest and let your body and soul heal. May you and your husband be able to find some time to spend alone together to share your memories of Asher and to mourn all of the things you miss about Asher and Issac.
May you sense God's presence in the midst of the storms you are dealing with right now, may you feel His comforting arms holding and weeping with you.
Rachel-
Praying in PA

petebon5 said...

aww!! i am just sorry for All of this. if i could i'd fly there take care of the boys let you rest and find a neighbor to help your husband with basement/yard. you will be in my prayers also. i feel helpless. from my heart of prayers to you and yours bonny in TX

milehighmom said...

I just started following your story several weeks ago, and will continue to lift up you and your family during this time of grieving and obvious frustration with all the other things happening in your life. I pray for peace for you, I pray for your body to heal physically, and for God to give you the rest you are looking for.

-Melissa in Colorado

Laurie said...

Sweet Kristy,

I am praying right now that God wraps His arms around you and lets you know that He is holding you up. I am so sorry to hear of the discouraging mess the storm left you with, while you are trying your hardest to deal with the storm's devastation of losing sweet Asher. He promises to not give us more than we can bear, but I just reminded him that maybe this is enough for you now? I wish I could be of help to you. But I promise to keep lifting you and your family up to Him, asking Him for His peace and grace for you. I am so sorry for all that has happened.

Love and Prayers, Laurie in Ca.

Court said...

Kristy,

I am praying right now - for peace, for comfort, for strength. May you know that there are so many out here thinking of you and sending up prayers on your behalf. Hope you have a better night tonight.

Jane-Jane said...

I've never been "in" your shoes, but I know the need to be held...I'm praying my heart out for you.

Wonderfully Blessed said...

I'm so very sorry for everything going on. Just remember God promised to never leave you or forsake you. I am here for you. Hold on God is right there beside you even though right now it doesn't feel like it. Many hugs to you!!

Your sister in Christ,
Tiffany

Anonymous said...

If at all possible, please hire a professional cleaning crew to do the bleaching. You really need to rest or you will end back in the hospital. I have never met you but your story has touched my heart and I really care about YOU. I would be willing to help collect funds to pay for this ( I live in NE Ohio and am dealing with the same ice storm issues) and forward the money if you wish. Please take of yourself, I am worried about you all!

RB said...

I don't know you at all, but your story has touched me and I have been praying for you.

Please take care of yourself and your family - you all have been through so much.

Zac and Jenny said...

I wish I was remotely close (I don't think Idaho qualifies) so that I could help you. I don't even have any great ideas...

So I guess I'll just leave you with the reassurance that you, Howard and the kids are in my thoughts and prayers. -Jenny

Anonymous said...

Stay the course dear heart. God will rescue you..We can't always understand why...we can only trust in Him, as hard as it may seem at times.

I will continue you to lift you up in my prayers...

Emily said...

Oh girl. My heart aches for you. I am praying for some smooth sailing to come your way, that you might just be able to lie down and weep like you need to. Rest as much as you can precious friend and accept all the help that is offered. People need to give. Let them. ;) I am lifting you up and I think of you more times a day than I can say.

Melissa Dovel said...

Kristy-

I question God as well on your behalf- I honstly and so deeply wish that there was a way for those of us who have come to know and care for you to help carry you right now. Prayer is that area right now- Continuing to pray and that today you feel held and comforted.

Hugs, Love, and prayer,
Melissa

Anonymous said...

I've never commented, but I have been following your blog for a while now. I admire your courage and willingness to share your vulnerability with us. I'm praying for you and your family.

Lisa

Lesley said...

Isn't that just like the devil to kick someone when they are already about as low as they could possibly be? Especially in your tragic situation, I think it is human nature to feel "forgotten" or "overlooked" by God sometimes. That is what the devil wants.

In so many ways, your story reminds me a lot of the story of Job. He lost everything ... EVERYTHING... pretty much because God had so much faith in him, God knew that Job would never turn his back on him. The devil didn't believe this and so God allowed the devil to try to break Job. And in the end, the devil lost his battle for Job's soul and Job was awarded by God giving him back ALL that he had lost, and then some.

I can't even begin to imagine the raw, paralizing pain of your heart and soul ... but try to remember - fight to remember - that God is with you. HE loves you. He will hold you when you feel like you can't put one foot in front of the other. Lean on Him, you may not be able to see Him - but He is there.

I continue to pray daily for you, and for your beautiful family. I pray that our God wraps you in His special, one-of-a-kind blanket of love and peace.

Lesley M.

Kenzie Stanfield said...

Kristy-

I'm so sorry about all of the other distractions that don't let you spend that quality time with your family, and do the grieving that you NEED to do. I am praying for y'all and will especially continue over these next several days and months... for healing and recovery. Be sure to take care of yourself too... I know it's hard!

Love you and praying!
Kenzie

ps~ I really relate the the post ahead about Normal... many of those things aren't completely true for me either, but many are. Love ya!