Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Anxiety...

I am reminding myself of this every moment today:

1 Peter 5:7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.


Today for many reasons I feel a bit overcome with anxiety. I try so hard to keep up with housework and yet most days I feel as though I take two steps forward and three steps back. I finish cleaning windows and move on to vacuuming and the boys put their cute little faces up to the windows and what I had just done is now undone. The days usually go that way but I continually remind myself of how precious these days are and how they will only be little for a short time so then we scrap everything and go out and play. :-) Still, the housework doesn't get done and I am one of those people who literally gets anxious and sick from looking around an unkempt house. I have a to do list a million miles long for house work and yard work and I never seem to make a dent.

I am saddened by the change in many of my relationships lately. It seems many of the close relationships I once had have distanced and new and deep friendships are blooming. I am so thankful for the new but I am saddened by the change in friendships that have fallen to the wayside.

I am anxious because of finances. We have been thrown into many situations since we have been married that have caused us great expenses and they are overwhelming moving, college, medical bills, funeral bills, cemetery bills, etc. As I stated before when Asher died, the family who owns a local funeral home completely took care of the expenses on their end and that has been more of a blessing than they could know. With Isaac we were fully taken advantage of in that area and are still dealing with that. I KNOW God will provide, I just want to know what I need to do to get us on the right track. We have so much debt. Howard has begged and begged for me to reserve a portion of our economic stimulus check for a summer vacation and not spend it ALL on bills but I am not so sure that was the right decision to make. Then again I think about the fact that he has yet to cry or deal with any of this and maybe this is just what he NEEDS. He works so hard and is such an amazing husband and father. He deserves a relaxing beach retreat. Disney was lots of fun and I think it was great for us to do fun family stuff but he needs to just be. Not run around and do fun stuff, just be.

As I sit here preparing all of the paperwork and numbers to meet with someone to help get us figured out I am terrified. I am scared that the only answer to this is for me to go to work and though I love teaching, I am adamant about staying home with my boys. I teach online and that had been cutting it but I took three months off. I return to work this week and I am looking forward to it. I enjoy the job and I need the income. Hopefully we can somehow make up for those three lost months though teaching hours in the summer are few.

I am anxious because Luke has come down with some weird rash. It isn't chicken pox, it isn't measles. It isn't itchy and he isn't sick. I called the doctor's office and they are not concerned, they said to bring him in if it gets worse, bothers him or he gets sick, but otherwise there is likely nothing that can be done. I guess kids get rashes, but I tend to overreact when it comes to the health and well being of my boys.

I am anxious because Benjamin is scheduled for outpatient surgery on June 30th. The thought of him being put under is terrifying to me. He was born with a minor defect and has had one surgery to correct and will need one more. The surgeon is amazing and I know God sent her to us, I just need to trust Him. As I said I just get anxious when it comes to the health of the kids.


Matthew 6:27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ?

So I guess what I am saying is please pray for me and for my family. We have a lot of stressful stuff hanging over us and we want to make wise and godly decisions. Please pray as we move forward into our new normal. Pray for what that means for us and pray for God's guidance in our each and every step. I am feeling this cloud looming over me today (it could partly be the yucky weather) my heart feels heavy and anxious. I am praying for God to lift that heaviness. I know he has ALL of this under control and none of it is any surprise to him. He will bring us through each of these troubles. I just need to remain steadfast and cast my cares on Him. He will sustain us.

Matthew 6:34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

15 comments:

Jessica mommy to Alex/ RTS said...

Will be praying for you...for peace to fill you up.

Emily said...

"He is able, more than able, to accomplish what concerns me today...." Sometimes, I just sing the lyrics to that song that I have stood in church and sang so many times. He has carried us through some awful storms, which sound so similar to yours, and I just want to be your little reminder today that He will indeed make a way where there seems to be no way. Keep praying, seeking His counsel, and resting in Him. Lifting you up, sweet friend!

JennyWho said...

Thinking of you often and praying for you. Financial troubles stink!

J. in OH

Laurie said...

Kristy,

I will be praying for all of the things that are weighing so heavy on your heart today. Being someone who is well acquainted with anxiety in my past, I am especially praying for His peace to flow all over you from head to toe, giving you the rest you need so much right now. He has not taken His eyes off of you for one moment in all of this, He will not disappoint you.

Love and Prayers, Laurie in Ca.

Sheryl said...

You're quoting my verses! Although my anxiety is for completely different reasons, I feel satan attacking my mind almost continuously. When I am overcome with anxiety I will ask God to bring you to my mind so that I can pray for you.

I know you didn't ask for advice, but...take that trip. Your husband wants it and it will do you all a world of good. (sorry, just had to put in my two cents)

Praying for you,
Sheryl

Erin said...

How awful that someone took advantage of you with Isaac's funeral arrangements. The funeral home that we dealt with for our Isaac and the cemetery plot were all free of charge to us which I remember being a huge weight lifted off of me. The only thing we had to pay for was his headstone. We will be keeping you in our prayers. On a happier note you husband and boys made you such beautiful Mother's day gifts!

Anonymous said...

Kristi, I am praying peace that surpasses all understanding to overflow you in his precious name. God is with you and he will make a way and provide for he promised to never leave us nor forsake us, so cast all your cares on him for he truly cares for you. I love you! And I'm praying for you everyday take care my fried.

Tiffany

Laura said...

Praying for you...peace sweet friend. So easy to get overwhelmed with all that is in front of you as well as behind you. He is walking with you right now, this very moment. He will keep leading you gently. Wish I was there to just go for a walk and talk...come to Colorado, I know 2 moms who would love to walk with you! ;)

Hilary said...

My thoughts are with you and I am praying for you. Thank you for sharing your feelings so we better know how to pray for you. I pray that peace will replace anxiety and I pray for wisdom and God's direction in any decisions you are to make.

Margarete said...

Hi, Will pray for peace for you. Could the rash be roseola?? My children who got this did not get sick or have a fever (some do, some don't)...it was mostly all over their stomach chest area.

Corie said...

I am praying for you. I know what a battle this can be. He will give you the grace as you have seen. You need grace to get through today. Don't worry about tomorrow. His grace will be there when you get there. I haave to remind myself of this daily.

Kenzie said...

Kristy-

I will be praying specifically for these requests that you have mentioned... this road is so hard without all the other concerns, so my heart is heavy for yours tonight! But... as you mentioned, God does know and He has this all worked out. Our pastor preached one Sunday about faith and how faith takes more than just sitting back... it is active and requires something on our part too, as long as we are seeking God's will. I know that you are actively pursuing as you continue to have so much faith in the Lord! I am praying for His answers and for His peace for you.

Love you and praying,
Kenzie

Jennifer said...

Hi Kristy. Thank you for those verses. I really needed to read them today, for other reasons but for the anxiety. Please know I am praying for you. BTW you don't need clean windows. You don't want teh birds flying into them :) Well that is my excuse anyway.

Mandy Farris said...

i am praying for you. i pray that gods peace comes over you and helps you to find normalcy again, whatever that may be.

Leigh Ann said...

Lifting you up to the Lord this morning in Ohio, Kristy!

LA