Anxiety...

I am reminding myself of this every moment today:

1 Peter 5:7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.


Today for many reasons I feel a bit overcome with anxiety. I try so hard to keep up with housework and yet most days I feel as though I take two steps forward and three steps back. I finish cleaning windows and move on to vacuuming and the boys put their cute little faces up to the windows and what I had just done is now undone. The days usually go that way but I continually remind myself of how precious these days are and how they will only be little for a short time so then we scrap everything and go out and play. :-) Still, the housework doesn't get done and I am one of those people who literally gets anxious and sick from looking around an unkempt house. I have a to do list a million miles long for house work and yard work and I never seem to make a dent.

I am saddened by the change in many of my relationships lately. It seems many of the close relationships I once had have distanced and new and deep friendships are blooming. I am so thankful for the new but I am saddened by the change in friendships that have fallen to the wayside.

I am anxious because of finances. We have been thrown into many situations since we have been married that have caused us great expenses and they are overwhelming moving, college, medical bills, funeral bills, cemetery bills, etc. As I stated before when Asher died, the family who owns a local funeral home completely took care of the expenses on their end and that has been more of a blessing than they could know. With Isaac we were fully taken advantage of in that area and are still dealing with that. I KNOW God will provide, I just want to know what I need to do to get us on the right track. We have so much debt. Howard has begged and begged for me to reserve a portion of our economic stimulus check for a summer vacation and not spend it ALL on bills but I am not so sure that was the right decision to make. Then again I think about the fact that he has yet to cry or deal with any of this and maybe this is just what he NEEDS. He works so hard and is such an amazing husband and father. He deserves a relaxing beach retreat. Disney was lots of fun and I think it was great for us to do fun family stuff but he needs to just be. Not run around and do fun stuff, just be.

As I sit here preparing all of the paperwork and numbers to meet with someone to help get us figured out I am terrified. I am scared that the only answer to this is for me to go to work and though I love teaching, I am adamant about staying home with my boys. I teach online and that had been cutting it but I took three months off. I return to work this week and I am looking forward to it. I enjoy the job and I need the income. Hopefully we can somehow make up for those three lost months though teaching hours in the summer are few.

I am anxious because Luke has come down with some weird rash. It isn't chicken pox, it isn't measles. It isn't itchy and he isn't sick. I called the doctor's office and they are not concerned, they said to bring him in if it gets worse, bothers him or he gets sick, but otherwise there is likely nothing that can be done. I guess kids get rashes, but I tend to overreact when it comes to the health and well being of my boys.

I am anxious because Benjamin is scheduled for outpatient surgery on June 30th. The thought of him being put under is terrifying to me. He was born with a minor defect and has had one surgery to correct and will need one more. The surgeon is amazing and I know God sent her to us, I just need to trust Him. As I said I just get anxious when it comes to the health of the kids.


Matthew 6:27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ?

So I guess what I am saying is please pray for me and for my family. We have a lot of stressful stuff hanging over us and we want to make wise and godly decisions. Please pray as we move forward into our new normal. Pray for what that means for us and pray for God's guidance in our each and every step. I am feeling this cloud looming over me today (it could partly be the yucky weather) my heart feels heavy and anxious. I am praying for God to lift that heaviness. I know he has ALL of this under control and none of it is any surprise to him. He will bring us through each of these troubles. I just need to remain steadfast and cast my cares on Him. He will sustain us.

Matthew 6:34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.