Searching for answers

Well, I am having a frustrating day today. I have been trying to get a hold of our pediatrician ALL week to get Luke checked out (rash), to get Ben's immunizations that are late because of Asher's arrival, and to get the results from the chromosome study and autopsy done on Asher. I have left THREE messages and have yet to get a response for any of my issues. It has been almost three months since Asher's death and for some reason this time I REALLY want those reports. I want answers even if the report says there are no answers, that is better than the limbo I am feeling now. We cannot meet with the doctor at Magee until we know what happened. They assume it was related to Isaac but no one can be sure without the test results. I am praying for patience, but am also thinking of switching doctors. I love our pediatricians but if you can't get a hold of them they don't do you much good. So, I am feeling frustrated and defeated today. My mind is racing and that is usually not a good thing.

I know the answers these tests can bring won't change anything but I just need to know what they say. Why on earth is it taking so long!? With Isaac we got a report shortly after his death, the preliminary report and then a month or so later we got the phone call with the official results. It is driving me nuts. I feel very unsettled and my imagination is going wild with reasons they must not have reports yet. I mean who keeps a family waiting like this without a reason?

So, please pray for Luke and for this crazy rash he has and for our family as we attempt to remain patient and wait for the answers from these tests.

Some days I wonder how I will live the rest of my life with such intense pain in my heart. I know God is the only answer for that.