Sorry, I guess I lied a bit in m last post...

I have no idea where to even begin tonight so I guess I will just begin with last night and work my way forward. I had posted yesterday promising a thoughtful post last night as I had so many raw emotions running through me. Howard was out with a few guy friends watching a basketball game and I hung out with Luke and Ben. My intent was to blog after getting them to bed. However, that didn't happen. Shortly after putting Luke to bed I heard him crying. I went in and sat on his bed. His eyes were full of tears and his body was shaking from sobbing so hard. Just the sight brought tears to my eyes which only made his crying worse.

I asked him what was wrong and he couldn't even speak. So, I just sat and held him for a while. Finally he decided to share his heart with me. (get a kleenex, this is deep for a four year old)

Mommy: Luke, what is wrong buddy, you can talk to me about anything.

Luke: It is just that I miss my brothers.

Mommy: I know. I do too.

Luke: When are they going to die again?

Mommy: What do you mean Luke? We only die once.

Luke: Well, they died here on earth and they went to Heaven, so when they die again they get to come back to us.

Mommy: Oh, Luke, I am sorry but that isn't how it works. When we die we go to Heaven if we believe Jesus is our Forever Friend (children's ministry term). So one day when we die we will be with them but they won't come back.

Luke: The sobbing returns.

Mommy: Luke, I promise you that Heaven is a wonderful place and Isaac and Asher are so very happy there. We will all be so happy together when we are there with Jesus.

Luke: But didn't God know we have enough beds in this house for all these kids?

Mommy: I am sure he knows we would have loved to have them home with us.

Luke: We have bunk beds a crib and my old bed, that is plenty for all of us. Isaac could share my room and Asher could share Ben's. So God should send them back.

Mommy: Oh Luke, they can't come back. And we would not want them to. They are with Jesus. That is the best place to be. We still have work to do here on earth so we will be here until we finish our jobs and then we will get to be in Heaven with them.

Luke: They must have gotten their work done too early.

Mommy: I guess they did.

Luke: Do you think God makes them baby flash cards like you have for Ben?

Mommy: Maybe

Luke: I think he does, and I think they are just different pictures for them to learn.

Mommy: You might be right.

Luke: Do you think God will give us more babies that we get to bring home. I really wanted Isaac and asher to come home.

Mommy: I don't know Luke, I hope so.

Luke: Well, be sure to let God know we have enough beds.

Mommy: He already knows that but we can certainly remind him.

Luke: Well I guess I will just have to snuggle with Asher's lamb until I can hug him again.

Mommy: I am sure he would like that.

Luke: I sure do miss them, but I am glad they are happy even if we aren't.

Mommy: Me too. Remember we can talk about them whenever you want and that will keep them in our hearts.

Luke: Yeah I guess that was what I needed. I know they are in my heart.

(Keep in mind I am crying through this whole conversation astounded at how thoughtful Luke was. SO this is why I did not post last night. I could not see through the tears. Tears of sorrow and tears of gratitude.)