Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Our Hope Endures

Today has been a tough day. I am still wrestling with all of this. I still am angry and confused and the failing of my blood count AND glucose tests were just icing on the cake. Seriously, a friend was visiting when I got the call and when I got off the phone with the nurse and explained what was up, all I could do was chuckle, I mean why not? The line from Bruce Almighty ran through my head "God is a mean kid sitting on an anthill with a magnifying glass, and I'm the ant. He could fix my life in five minutes if He wanted to, but he'd rather burn off my feelers and watch me squirm." I know it sounds whiny, but that is pretty much how I was feeling. Don't get me wrong. I am VERY aware of how blessed I am but I am feeling under attack.

When Howard got home I suggested that we go out to dinner because I needed to make myself get dressed and get out and into the land of the living. So we went to Moe's Southwest Grill, a FAVORITE of mine and Wednesday is .99 cent kids meal night so that was a nice bonus. So off we went, and then we stopped to get groceries. It was actually a fun trip. Sometimes as many of you know I am sure taking the kids to the grocery store, is not what one might call fun, but tonight it was, I guess because we were in no hurry and we were just hanging out together. We explored the produce department and bought a few new exotic fruits to try and talked about good food choices and not so good food choices and sent the kids hunting for the items we needed and they put them in the cart. It really was a good time and we enjoyed the kids.

On the way home Luke said, "Mommy, are you praying right now?" I wasn't sure I heard him right, so I asked him to repeat himself and he kindly obliged. I said that I wasn't really praying just thinking. Then I asked him if there was something on his heart that he wanted us to pray about. My heart hit the floor when he said, "I want to pray for our baby sister in your tummy. I can't wait to meet her." (as a side note, though he likely suspects something is up because mommy has been a little extra "sad" lately we haven't talked to him about anything that is going on because we aren't sure there is anything wrong and he is a worrier.)

So Howard turned off the radio and Luke prayed "Dear God, thank you for all the great friends we have and for the new baby sister in mommy's belly. Please make her healthy and strong so that we can spend lots and lots of time with her. We love her so much, Amen." Tears started welling up again, and I thought I was all dried out. I told him that I loved his prayer and that I was sure his sister was going to love him too and Howard turned the radio back on. The song "Our Hope Endures" came on by Natalie Grant and I just sat there soaking in the words as she sang.

I can't say that I am all better or that this has gotten any easier, but I am breathing a little more and finding myself hopeful that our little girl is going to be ok and just remaining grateful that God has blessed us with yet another precious gift. Thank you all for your prayers, I am certain they are being answered and I am so grateful for your love and concern for our family.

I think I will be traveling to Pittsburgh on Friday for an ultrasound with a geneticist. Please continue to pray that all goes well and shows a healthy baby. Her crib bedding arrived today, thanks to a sweet and thoughtful friend, and I am SO hoping to put it to use in a few months.

30 comments:

Christa @ Quintooples said...

I am so glad you are going to Pittsburgh, and you (Luke) made me cry!!!! (not kidding, I am literally sobbing at the computer.) Your son is so insightful, sweet, and thoughtful. You should be a very very proud mama! :*)

MomMom said...

I'm glad you're going to Pittsburg. I pray you'll get wonderful news and be able to relax and look forward to this precious baby girl staying with you for a long, long time.

malette-foreveryoung said...

I am still praying for you and your family. Praying for you for peace. I will praying extra on Friday
Praying on ND
Malette

Laurie in Ca. said...

Kristy,

I am so glad you got out this evening and had a sweet time with the family. I could just eat that Luke up!! What a precious heart this boy has for all of you. His amazing prayer followed by the "Our Hope Endures" song, I will take that as a sign that God was extra close to you in your car. The little things that add up to a little peace; hold tight to these things Kristy. Breathing and Hope are good things, and this baby girl that you carry is being formed by the Master. He has not taken His eyes off of you for one moment in all of this. And I know He takes no pleasure in watching you squirm:) He wants you to be still and know. Praying like crazy for Fridays Ultrasound to bring peaceful answers, and for safe travel. I love you Kristy and I will pray you through.

Love and Hugs and Prayers, Laurie

Allison said...

The Lord woke me up last night to pray for you. It was like I could feel your sadness and it was overwhelming. I am so glad you are going to Pittsburgh. I'll continue to pray for you and that sweet baby girl. How blessed she will be to have such sweet brothers! :)
Can't wait to hear an update!

Jenilee said...

I love that song. It was very helpful to us a few months ago when my brother-in-law passed away in a car accident. I've been following your story... I don't know if I've ever commented before. I'll be praying for your trip to Pittsburg... we have been to the Pittsburg children's hopsital with our oldest. We don't live in the area any longer. God Bless you and that precious baby girl!

Michelle said...

So glad you got to get out tonight and enjoy the simple times with your family!! Luke is so sweet! You are in my prayers as Friday approaches.

My great uncle would tell me "You are in my prayers cause you need the prayers, and I need the practice!" Whew, I feel like God is really having me practive this week! It is an honor to lift up those in prayer as we all make our way through this world.

Much love, Michelle

Lynnette Kraft said...

I just wanted to let you know that I'm praying for you tonight. Feeling like life is unfair in your situation is normal. I've felt that way before. This world isn't fair. Life is just so full of difficult things, but praise God he is one who we can run to. He's the source of hope and joy. It's our fault this world is unfair, not his. He is always there to pick us up and see us through. He has a purpose for all pain and he loves you so much that it hurts him to see you hurt.

"Oh how he loves you and me. Oh how he loves you and me. He gave his life. What more could he give. Oh how he loves you. Oh how he loves me. Oh how he loves you and me."
"His compassions, they fail not..."
Love,
Lynnette

Sheryl said...

You WILL put the crib bedding to good use!! Wow I just love how God showed up through Luke. And through a song on the radio. He is loving on you Kristy. I know it does not feel like it - but He is.

Love ya so much,
Sheryl

ajc4ever said...

I will definitely be in prayer for you on Friday. Praying that the news will be good, please God.

Amanda said...

Saying, If you will diligently hearken to the voice of the Lord your God and will do what is right in His sight, and will listen to and obey His commandments and keep all His statutes, I will put none of the diseases upon you which I brought upon the Egyptians, for I am the Lord Who heals you.
(Exodus 15:26)

And I will restore or replace for you the years that the locust has eaten--the hopping locust, the stripping locust, and the crawling locust, My great army which I sent among you.
(Joel 2:25)

But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our guilt and iniquities; the chastisement [needful to obtain] peace and well-being for us was upon Him, and with the stripes [that wounded] Him we are healed and made whole.
(Isaiah 53:5)

For the Word that God speaks is alive and full of power [making it active, operative, energizing, and effective]; it is sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating to the dividing line of the breath of life (soul) and [the immortal] spirit, and of joints and marrow [of the deepest parts of our nature], exposing and sifting and analyzing and judging the very thoughts and purposes of the heart.
(Hebrews 4:12)

Kristy,
It's time to put your faith in action. Read the scriptures & apply them.
Stand in front of a mirror & read them (it might help to get them on the inside of you).
Jesus took the curse of sickness & disease over 2000 years ago.
God is Jehovah Rapha - The God who heals - God revealed Himself to the Israelites as their healer.
Allow God to reveal Himself to you in this situation.

BTW - God is not punishing you, & He doesn't look at you through a magnifying glass.
Psalm 56:8 says You have stored my tears in your bottle and counted each of them.
See how much He cares.
(I know that you know this - I just wanted to remind you).

God bless & lots of ♥
Amanda
rheinswaters@gmail.com

Lissa Lane said...

You are definitely in my prayers hun. Your post has me teary eyed. I'm sobbing my heart out. I hope so much that your lil one is safe and sound and will grow to be big and strong

creative gal said...

I am praying for you!!

Melanie said...

Morning Kristy,
I believe and have living proof that a diagnosis for a precious baby girl can change on that trip from Erie to Pittsburgh. I will claim that.
What time will you be traveling and, specifically, will the sonogram be? I will be fasting and praying for you at that time.

"The God we serve is able..."

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Praying with you...hoping in Him...

our family said...

Will b praying for peace and hopeful news at Fridays Ultrasound.
Hugs and Prayers
Rachel in PA

Jessica mommy to Alex/ RTS said...

what time is your appt on Friday. I will be thinking of you. Im so full of fear about my ultrasound, I cant imagine how you are feeling.

Rob and Amy said...

Kristy- I am so glad to hear that you are going to Pittsburgh, even though it is a bittersweet choice. God can do anything but fail. Praying for you.

Ang said...

What a sweet beautiful prayer from your precious son!! Our youngest daughter Chloe has prayed as long as I can remember her knowing how to talk...Every night when she prays, obviously she prays different things but there is always one constant..."Please help Bennett's voice come back" . (you have to put into perspective that she started praying for him when she was too little to understand 'why' he wasn't talking) Bennett is a little boy that we went to church with who has autism. When she was like 4 (she will be 9 in about 2weeks) we were in Walmart and we ran into Bennett and his family and his mom and dad said "Tell Chloe Hello Bennett"...and he said "Hello Chloe"...I just stood in the middle of Walmart blubbering and then Chloe looked up with such amazement and said "Mom it worked, God heard my prayer, Bennett got his voice back". I tell you this not because you don't already know but God does hear you and when something happens that we have been praying for and it increases our faith so much. To this day 5 years later, she continues to pray for him each night..he is doing so well and God just blessed them with a pregnancy again..Please keep praying and have that precious son of yours praying...I just may get Chloe to start praying for that precious girl of yours also :) (((HUGS)))

Just Me said...

Hearing that song on the radio brings instant tears to MY eyes...what perfect timing, and what a beautiful prayer Luke said. Glad to read you have caught your breath...keep breathing, one deep breath at a time. I missed the part about your crib sheets the first couple times I read this post...that is really sweet. Lots of prayers continue to be sent your way. Praying for peace today, and safe travels along with positive results tomorrow.

Hugs,
Amanda

Corie said...

You are on my mind CONSTANTLY...praying for a good visit on Friday and a healthy baby girl!

Allison said...

When I stumbled across your blog, I was drawn to your story and my heart immediately wrapped itself around you and your family. This little girl is such a blessing from God just like all her brothers! So many have prayed right along with you during this pregnancy and I will be praying for you every single day!! I am glad you and Hubby decided to go to Pittsburgh. That peace of mind will be worth it AND you get to see that beautiful little Happy once again! Know that while you are there and all other times as well, you have a band of PRAYER WARRIORS praying hard on your behalf. We are going to STORM HEAVEN for Baby Girl Bolte! Thinking of you always!

Hope T. said...

I too started crying when I read Luke's prayer and I say AMEN right along with him! He is an amazing little boy!!

I hope you find the peace that you need when you go to Pittsburgh!

Alicia said...

Still praying here....glad you are going to Pittsburgh. Will continue to lift you all up in prayer...Luke is so precious...

Emily said...

Yea! Luke is great! What a sweet prayer and what awesome and perfect timing for that prayer and the song.

I will pray for patience today and tomorrow- the long wait until the ultrasound.

I will pray that your daughter is healthy and strong and that you all get to spend a long lifetime with her.

Thanks for being totally honest in your writing. Job also felt attacked, and told God that he didn't deserve to be attacked. I don't think he was being whiny and I don't think you are either. (Job 30:20-22)

AmandaC said...

I am glad that your heart is feeling a little lighter. I pray that your visit in Pittsburgh goes well.
I agree with Christa. Luke is such a sweet, insightful little boy that is wise beyond his years. I have tears streaming down my face because of his beautiful prayer.

Anonymous said...

Praying for you this morning

Emily said...

I'm praying for you right now.

Kim said...

I LOVE that song. The believer's anthem! Hang in there.

Laura said...

Praying for you....xoxo