Monday, March 23, 2009

Uncertainty

I first want to thank you all for praying for us. I wish I could come here and tell you that the paint has been purchased and that the nursery is under way. That is not however the truth. I am having a hard time putting my emotions and thoughts into words so I will just give you the facts.

Our ultrasound was ok. Her heartrate was good, she was moving all around and just as stubborn as ever...this time the only picture we got was a leg so maybe by the time it is all said and done we will have one of each body part. :-)

The doctors are a little concerned though. Her head, while it is still growing has slowed a little and is now in the 6th percentile. He assured us that this could be perfectly normal and for anyone else he would likely not say anything and would just measure again in a few weeks, but because of our history he wants me to be monitored. So we go back in two weeks to measure again hoping for more growth.

I can't say I am not terrified and I am frustrated. I am trying very hard not to let fear and doubt take up residence where hope and peace have been fighting to take the forefront. Please if you feel led, pray for us and for our baby, we know God has this all under control and I am trying my best just to give it to Him as there is NOTHING I can do aside from getting my nose back into my Bible and praying.

45 comments:

Pete, Alison and Charlie said...

It goes without saying, we're praying, Kristy. For you all, and for your little girl too. Hoping that the scan in a fortnight will give you the clarification you really need to put your minds at rest. With love X

Sara said...

Praying in Oklahoma for peace for your family and for your sweet little girl. Keep resting in HIM<>< I just have to tell you I have followed your story for over a year... never thinking that I would join you in losing a child, but we did last October when our 5th child Samuel was stillborn. You have encouraged me with your undying faith and courage. The Lord is using you and your family to testify of Him and I think it is awesome. We will continue to pray as HIS-story is revealed in your life:)
Sara
www.hintzshappenings.blogspot.com

Sheryl said...

no words but to tell you that i am praying and love you lots!!

mom2LEAA said...

Prayers going out for your babies continued growth and for you and your family to find peace in God. Know that so many our praying for you all and that God can do all things.

May God's peace fill your hearts and minds.
Cindy in Ct

Emily said...

Oh, my heart is gripped for you. I am praying and trusting God and asking for miracles and choosing to believe the best, etc. etc. etc. Don't let satan have your ear, sweet sister. Keep your eyes on your Father. And know, beyond the shadow of any doubt, that you and your precious baby girl are loved and lifted high.

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Praying for you, your family, and your sweet little one...

ajc4ever said...

Oh my goodness, how scary. I'll definitely keep praying for you.

♥ Somebody Loved ♥ said...

You and your little one are still on my prayer list.

ToOdLeS.ShEiLa

Lea said...

Prayers and love from my family to yours...

xo

Nicole said...

Many prayers... I was so hoping that you would be able to purchase the paint that you so hoped to buy after today's ultrasound. Please know that you are all in my prayers.

bri said...

Oh Kristy, I am terribly sorry that you are having to feel this uncertainty. I will be praying for you just as God leads me to do so!

love and blessings!!

asplashofsunshine said...

X's and O's, and lots of prayers!

Christa @ Quintooples said...

Praying. Praying, praying, praying.

Praying for peace that surpasses all understanding....

(((())))

Kim said...

I am praying for your sweet little girl.

Mashel said...

I am so sorry to hear this Kristy. Not the news that you or anyone wants to hear, but at least it's not 100% bad. It is a lot like our situation with the twins, and the not knowing is so, so hard. We know that God has a plan, it would just be nice if He would let us in on it!: ) I am praying for your precious baby girl, and you too. Do you have a name for her yet? I would love to pray for her by name. (or do you not tell your names until later?)
Much, much love,
Mashel

Chris and Emily said...

My heart literally raced as i saw the title of your post pop up on my blogroll. I am so sorry that your ultrasound left you with uncertainty and holes for fear to creep in. Praying for peace for you as you await your next ultrasound. Praying for unquestionable growth when you return for it.
Many prayers and love to you

Ang said...

Stay strong..God is Able. Praying for you and your family!

Devon said...

i'm praying kristy...

and i hope these next two weeks pass by super fast so you can get some much needed assurance.

((hugs)) i'm sorry you are having to deal with the uncertainity.

Dawn said...

Praying for you all.

Much love,
UNC NICU RN

Jessica mommy to Alex/ RTS said...

Kristy, the waiting is hard. Thinking of you, hugs from Illinois.
On my heart tonight....

Becky said...

Praying as you are waiting.

Michelle Farley said...

Heavenly Father,

I come to you right now on behalf of my friend Kristi. Lord, you know the preciosu baby girl she is carrying and everything that is going on right now and every given moment of this little miracle's life, Lord I lift them up to you right now, I pray for a miraculous move of comfort and peace. I pray for growth in this precious child's head, I pray that she will be perfect in every way. I pray for Kristi and Howard, for peace that passes all understanding, I pray that they feel Your loving arms wrapped around them. I pray they feel your Holy Spirit in every moment of their lives. I pray that as they face tough times adn challenges and as Satan tries to beat them down, I pray that they rise above and crush Satan under their feet. I pray that they will find comfort in You and only You and that their fears be sqaushed and that Satan will be forever beaten down as they look and turn their eyes and hearts toward You and Your love. I pray that as they face each day that, although they know, they continue to seek Your will and Your way and that they will rest in your ever koving firm grip that You ARE ABLE TO BRING THEM OUT ON TOP!! That in You there is victory and peace!! I ask this is the precious name of Jesus, Your one and only son. We claim victory in Jesus' name!!

AMEN

Kristi,

Please know you are in my prayers and email if you need anything!!!! I am going to send this on to my family and friends as well as our church website!!

Love,

Michelle

Hilary said...

Praying, praying, praying.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10

our family said...

Kristi-
Praying for peace for you tonight. Praying for you to be able to give God your burdens and to trust that this precious little girl is resting in His hands. Trusting that He knows what is best for her and praying that is for her to be a healthy strong little one and to grow up in your home surrounded by her loving family.
Sending lots of hugs and prayers up for you tonight.
Rachel in PA

Millie said...

Oh man, I was SO praying for better news. I was hoping you would come back with a "perfect" ultrasound. I'm going to continue to pray for a perfect pregnancy and delivery, and a very healthy baby. Praying for great results to the ultrasound in two weeks. Praying for God's peace for you as you wait.
God bless,
Millie and Colin-HLHS

Just Me said...

I have tears streaming down my face, but my fingers have no idea what to type. So, instead, I will copy and paste the Verse of the Day from BibleGateway.com--“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.”- James 1:12

Hugs and prayers,
Amanda

AmandaC said...

You never need to ask for prayers.

Jason and Vanessa said...

I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you! I know it's easier said than done but try not to let your mind go into all of the "what if's" just rest in God's sovereignty.

James 1:2-4
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

2 Corinthians 4:17
For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison

Love,
Vanessa

Devin said...

I won't lie. My heart sunk as I read your words.

You are always, always in my prayers and thoughts Kristy. You will continue to be.

mommymeezer said...

I thought of you all day and prayed. I will continue to do so.

Jen said...

Kristy my prayers are with you and your family during this time. I will keep praying that with each sonogram you will be assured of the healthy and happiness of your little girl.
Jen

Michelle said...

Kristy, I just got your update... I am so sorry and I am praying for you tonight! Baby Stellan has me on overdrive in prayer and your name is there too.
Much love, Michelle

sumi said...

Kristy...lots of hugs and know that I will be praying for you and your precioous little girl as the Lord reminds me. Which I know he will do.

Amanda said...

Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.]
(John 14:27 Amplified)

The VW's said...

Praying!!! May God give you peace and hope as you wait!

Stacy D said...

I will most definitely be praying...

the*4*of*us said...

that is definitely not out of the ordinary, and i'll be praying that she catches up within the next 2 weeks!!!

Lindsay said...

My fiance and I are pleading with God on behalf of your baby girl.
I pray you will find comfort and peace. Love Lindsay

Allison said...

The farther along you are, the harder it is to get measurements. They thought one of my boys was going to be over 6 lbs but they got the measurements wrong and he was 4.11. It's so hard to get good head measurements that are really accurate. I'll be praying that next time, she is in a good position and that all is better news next time. That seems like a long time to wait. But instead of worry, just keep claiming Phil. 4:6, keep talking to her and singing to her. Stay positive and trust God has is all under control! Love, Allison

Laurie in Ca. said...

Sweet Kristy,

You have been and will remain at the top of my prayer list. I wish I could be there and give you a big hug from this mothers heart and calm away the feelings of uncertainty. I am doing the best I can in prayer for you and praying baby girl picks up the pace in her growth. I love you tons.

Love and Hugs, Laurie

Sonnet said...

you are a good mother

Corie said...

Oh Kristy...I am praying. I have no amazing words. Nothing really to say. I am just praying. Here if you need anything.

Melody said...

Waiting in and of itself is hard, but waiting in uncertainty is unimaginable. I will pray that these next two weeks bring you a sense of peace and joy. I pray that the next ultrasound allows for easy measurements and all uncertainty to be resolved. Just praying.

Kathaleen said...

Kristy, praying, praying for your sweet baby girl and for you and your family. Praying for peace in your decisions and waiting.

Love Kathaleen

Anonymous said...

Have they done any tests for Down's Syndrome? Typically children with Ds have slightly smaller head size. AND if you were to be blessed with a beautiful angel with DS that would be a blessing beyond measure! I know that doctors treat it as a bad thing but those with children with DS (& those with both typical and children with DS) know, it is a lie from the pit of hell. Children with DS will bless you more than any typical child ever could. You will grow and be loved by the Saviour more than you ever knew imaginable.

Anyway, I am praying for you and hoping that maybe you are going to be given the biggest blessing of your life!