Saturday, March 21, 2009

Prayers for Monday

Monday is our next ultrasound date. I will be having my glucose test done, having the ultrasound and then seeing the doctor. I would be lying if I said I was not a bit of a basket case. I have had a little fun in the past few weeks with the baby stuff. I have allowed myself to dream and hope. We registered for some things for a shower some friends are having for us and it was really fun to walk around the store and pick out girly little things. We (I think) even settled on a bedding set, which is HUGE for me. That kind of thing usually takes me months of back and forth, buying and returning, usually ending in tears and frustration. We came upon "the one" though and both of us knew it was perfect.

We can't afford to get the whole bedding set just yet so we bought the teddy bear made out of all of the fabrics in the set and walked around Home Depot last night looking at paint colors. Today the nursery is primed and stark white, a sight that both pulls at my heart and causes great excitement. I did not allow Howard to purchase the paint last night however, I told him that on Monday when we leave the doctor's office we will stop and pick it up.

My reasons for this are twofold. I am allowing myself more and more to feel the joy and excitement of the amazing thing God is doing in our lives. I am taking it moment by moment and day by day and reveling in the kicks and nudges I feel each day. I am loving watching the boys not so gently "waking" their baby sister and talking to her, only to end up fighting over my belly and who loves her more. I know I am blessed. No matter what happens tomorrow or even Monday, I am blessed. God has trusted me with five of his children and I am honored.

That said...we ARE trusting God and KNOWING full hearted that His plans are better than our own, and so yes, part of me wants to wait until after that ultrasound Monday just to have confirmation one more time that her brain has continued to grow. Fear still grips my heart some days as I hope and dream and I find myself paralyzed by the idea that He could allow me to walk the road of losing a child again. But, realistically, I know He can. Monday's ultrasound won't change that, but will get us one step closer to maybe bringing a little one home. It is just another milestone, and our purchasing of the paint will be our celebration. :-)

The second reason...well, I know they have told us girl twice, I know that this baby is likely a girl, and yet I can't help but wonder if that could change on Monday. :-) I mean is a Bolte girl really possible? We shall see! I am excited either way, but I really don't want to bring a baby boy home to a room full of pink. :-) So Monday is a big day for us. Ultrasounds will never again be the same light hearted fun "peek" at our baby as they were with Luke, I no longer go into that room filled with excitement just to see the little one's profile. I am looking at measurements and brain division and health specifics. I walk in holding my breath, palms sweaty, hoping for the best and praying my way through the entire thing, sometimes aloud.

So Monday around 4:15 will you join me in prayer?

30 comments:

Michelle said...

Absolutely!! I am so glad you reminded us of the next appointment... my prayers are with you! I am very excited for you!

Lea said...

Sending you prayers and strength.

Lea

Jessica mommy to Alex/ RTS said...

Thinking of you.

Lindsay said...

I will pray now, just in case I make a liar of myself, but I will try and pray on Monday as well. I pray that you find the peace that you are seeking.
much love, linds

Svetlana said...

We will pray for you and your baby !!

Laurie in Ca. said...

You can count on my prayers Kristy. I am praying for peace in the meantime for you as you wait. I am trusting that all will be perfect. Where is your bedding set registered? Let me know okay? Seriously! Give me details where it is, seriously!! Can you tell I am serious?:) I love you girl and I know it is going to stay a girl too!!:)

Love and Hugs, Laurie

Kathaleen said...

Awww, I am glad you are having fun picking out girly things. Will be praying for your ultrasound and your precious baby.

Love Kathaleen

Susie (So Blessed) said...

I will be praying...
and I'd also like to know
where you are registered!

Love,
Susie

boltefamily said...

Laurie and Susie,

We registered at Babies R Us and Target for a few things...please don't feel obligated to get us anything though!

If you want to check out the bedding set I am in love with it is called Hannah and it is by Nautica you can google it and see it, they didn't have it anywhere we could register. :-( It is SUPER cute!

Millie said...

I'll be praying!!
Millie and Colin-HLHS

Ang said...

Absolutely! I can't wait to see pictures of that baby girl God is blessing you with!!!

Hilary said...

I will be praying for you Kristy...you can count on it.
In the name of Jesus, I rebuke the devil from speaking lies of fear and worry into your heart!

Blessings to you!

Jenn Harden said...

Praying for you now!

The Dortenzos said...

Absolutely praying for you now and on Monday! Praying peace and good health over you, the new baby, and your entire family!

Corie said...

Praying for a good and peaceful day.

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Praying...your words brought me back. I know what you mean about ultrasounds never being the same... and the purposing in your heart to hold on to joy...to dream and hope.

Continuing to pray...

Chrissy said...

For sure! Will do! No doubt! Please text afterwards to let me know how it went and if she is indeed a she...lol

Nicole said...

Praying you will walk away tomorrow knowing that you ARE having a pretty little girl and that she is healthy as can be. :o)

our family said...

Praying for peace for you on Monday. Praying that your sweet girl looks healthy and perfect. Can't wait to see the painted room and of course before long the precious little miracle girl herself! Praying that you pass your glucose test. I had mine on Thursday and will get the results tomorrow.
Hugs and Prayers
Rachel in PA

Pete, Alison and Charlie said...

We'll be right there with you in prayer, Kristy. I remember those sweaty palms on ultrasound day! We'd appreciate your prayers too - my dad had a malignant melanoma skin cancer removed from his back last year, and we just found out last week that it has come back and has spread to his lymph nodes, his liver and his hips. He is having a bone scan tomorrow (Monday) to help determine the best way forward. He and my mum just celebrated their Golden Wedding yesterday, and are stuck in the middle of a house move, so things are a little frantic right now. All prayers gratefully received! We'll be thinking of you all day tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to hearing some good news once you're back from the hospital... and to hear all about that new paint! With love, Alison x

Cristi said...

In tears as I read this post, I will most certainly be in prayer for you today and tomorrow. I know full well the feeling of sonograms. I certainly dont have the same feeling about them as most people do. You are in my prayers, and I CANT WAIT TO SEE WHAT COLOR PAINT YOU PICKED! God Bless.

Valerie said...

We'll be praying!

LOVE the bedding set....so bright and cute!! :-)

Devon said...

absolutley! praying for you...

the*4*of*us said...

definitely praying!!

Kim (marygracesummons.blogspot.com) said...

I will be praying sweet friend. I am so glad you are fighting the fear and finding the joy. I love you girl.
Kim

Becky said...

Kristi - I will pray for you today. At 4:15, I will be in a staff meeting so can't promise at that exact time.

Charles said...

We will pray for you that you can leave the ultrasound relieved and go buy that "girl" paint!!! Mary

AmandaC said...

I know it's only 2:30 but I'll start praying for you. ;)
I'm looking forward to more good news.

Rest For Weary Step Moms said...

Bless your heart, today nis the day you find out that you are going to have a strong healthy beautiful baby girl. I'm so excited I'm full of giggles and smiles.

Michelle said...

Praying for you!!! :)