Our Hope Endures

Today has been a tough day. I am still wrestling with all of this. I still am angry and confused and the failing of my blood count AND glucose tests were just icing on the cake. Seriously, a friend was visiting when I got the call and when I got off the phone with the nurse and explained what was up, all I could do was chuckle, I mean why not? The line from Bruce Almighty ran through my head "God is a mean kid sitting on an anthill with a magnifying glass, and I'm the ant. He could fix my life in five minutes if He wanted to, but he'd rather burn off my feelers and watch me squirm." I know it sounds whiny, but that is pretty much how I was feeling. Don't get me wrong. I am VERY aware of how blessed I am but I am feeling under attack.

When Howard got home I suggested that we go out to dinner because I needed to make myself get dressed and get out and into the land of the living. So we went to Moe's Southwest Grill, a FAVORITE of mine and Wednesday is .99 cent kids meal night so that was a nice bonus. So off we went, and then we stopped to get groceries. It was actually a fun trip. Sometimes as many of you know I am sure taking the kids to the grocery store, is not what one might call fun, but tonight it was, I guess because we were in no hurry and we were just hanging out together. We explored the produce department and bought a few new exotic fruits to try and talked about good food choices and not so good food choices and sent the kids hunting for the items we needed and they put them in the cart. It really was a good time and we enjoyed the kids.

On the way home Luke said, "Mommy, are you praying right now?" I wasn't sure I heard him right, so I asked him to repeat himself and he kindly obliged. I said that I wasn't really praying just thinking. Then I asked him if there was something on his heart that he wanted us to pray about. My heart hit the floor when he said, "I want to pray for our baby sister in your tummy. I can't wait to meet her." (as a side note, though he likely suspects something is up because mommy has been a little extra "sad" lately we haven't talked to him about anything that is going on because we aren't sure there is anything wrong and he is a worrier.)

So Howard turned off the radio and Luke prayed "Dear God, thank you for all the great friends we have and for the new baby sister in mommy's belly. Please make her healthy and strong so that we can spend lots and lots of time with her. We love her so much, Amen." Tears started welling up again, and I thought I was all dried out. I told him that I loved his prayer and that I was sure his sister was going to love him too and Howard turned the radio back on. The song "Our Hope Endures" came on by Natalie Grant and I just sat there soaking in the words as she sang.

I can't say that I am all better or that this has gotten any easier, but I am breathing a little more and finding myself hopeful that our little girl is going to be ok and just remaining grateful that God has blessed us with yet another precious gift. Thank you all for your prayers, I am certain they are being answered and I am so grateful for your love and concern for our family.

I think I will be traveling to Pittsburgh on Friday for an ultrasound with a geneticist. Please continue to pray that all goes well and shows a healthy baby. Her crib bedding arrived today, thanks to a sweet and thoughtful friend, and I am SO hoping to put it to use in a few months.