Still Waiting for Happy

A couple of weeks ago I was talking with Howard and I asked him if he thought I should change the name of the blog. I had named it Waiting for Happy when I was pregnant. We were waiting to meet the precious boy we lovingly nicknamed "Happy". But Happy has come and he is now in Heaven. We are no longer waiting for his arrival, rather our arrival with him. So I was contemplating renaming the blog.

Howard thought for a moment and then he said, no, I don't think you should change it. The title Waiting for Happy has meaning beyond what we meant for it to have. In this world of instant gratification we are all guilty of waiting for happy. Who of us at one time or another hasn't thought, if only THIS happened or THAT happened, then I will be happy. We are always waiting for the next thing. That will surely make us happy. If I get that job, then I will be happy or if we had just a little more money, THEN I would be happy. We constantly live in the mindset that happiness is just around the bend.

"Come now, you who say, Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a city and spend a year there and carry on our business and make money. Yet you do not know the least thing about what may happen tomorrow..." James 4:13-15

The thing about that is that God never promises tomorrow. We have no idea what tomorrow brings. Why on earth are we always waiting until tomorrow to be happy? In reality none of the things we are waiting for will bring happiness. True happiness cannot be found in the things of this world.

Sometimes I find myself so angry. Angry that I have endured such suffering in my life. Angry that last weekend we walked for two of our boys and not with them. Angry that the books in the Bible that I look to for comfort are those of Job and Psalms and any story where God's people endured great suffering (and there are MANY). Angry that my shelves are adorned with books such as "When God Doesn't Answer Your Prayer" and "Empty Cradle Broken Heart", angry that I am the person who belongs to a group called "Empty Arms." Angry that I am the girl no one knows what to say to because they cannot even for a moment imagine life in my shoes. This is not to say that Job or the other books or the Empty Arms group are bad. On the contrary, they are some of the most comforting things in my life. I just wonder why God has allowed such anguish in my life time and time again I mean come on, when is my break going to come? When is it my turn for things to go well? I have suffered such loss in my lifetime of 29 short years. Why is it that some people have no idea what it is to lose a loved one and yet I lost my mom at 9 years old, a best friend from high school in my teen years, two grandparents who helped raise me in my early twenties and two sons in my late twenties. This is not to say that I am the only one who has endured these things. In fact I have come to find the opposite. Suffering is universal. We have different circumstances, but we all suffer.

Life has NEVER been easy for me and in fact since I began a relationship with God it has actually gotten worse. After losing Isaac I remember thinking to myself, "If this is what having a relationship with God brings, I am out!" The thing is that I truly believe without God the loss of my second son would have been a breaking point. I would have gone off of the deep end and I am not sure I would be here today to type these words. Many times I have looked at my life and I could see myself in a deep valley and as I tried to climb to the crest of the hill, God would take his enormous foot and kick me back down. I have always been waiting for "my turn" whatever that means. But I am learning that maybe it IS my turn and I just need to embrace the here and now. I am just not sure how to do that because half of my heart resides in Heaven.

"I have told you these things so that in Me you may have perfect peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer! For I have overcome the world." John 16.33

I think sometimes we forget that having a relationship with God doesn't mean that we will be saved from suffering. In fact sometimes the opposite is true. He says in this life we will have tribulation, trials, distress and frustration. And then he says BE OF GOOD CHEER! We can wait forever for happy, but it is here and now. Jesus has overcome the world. What more to we need to be happy about? Our trials here on earth are temporary. Our salvation is eternal!

"Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money and be satisfied with your present; for He Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support." Hebrews 13:5

None of this is to say that we don't ever have a reason to be upset, angry frustrated or sad. The aching I feel for my boys will never go away and there is a sadness in my soul that cries out daily for them. We will all have highs and lows. My point here is that if we are always Waiting for happy it will never come. We have to embrace it in the here and now. We will all endure pain and anguish in this broken world but we can be joyful in knowing that we are NEVER alone and that God will always make sure we have the support we need to keep going. The life we live in this world is so brief, maybe happy is not just around the corner. Maybe it is upon us! My challenge is this...try to stop worrying about things you cannot control. Embrace the blessings of today, don't wait for tomorrow, it may not come. Happiness will certainly be ours in heaven!

So, long story short....the title remains! It is a good reminder. We all need that reminder. I know I need it daily.