Friday, February 8, 2008

"Good Gifts"

"You parents - if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! If you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask Him?" Matthew7:9-11

Recently we purchased a Rob Bell DVD entitled Kickball...if you have not had the opportunity to listen to Rob Bell, I highly recommend him. In this DVD he shares a story about his young son who in a trip to the mall spies a toy that he MUST have. He begs and he pleads for this toy, while his parents insist that he doesn't need it, it will break, it will tangle, it could hurt him. But the boy protests! He gets carried out of the mall despite his bold protests. Once he settles down, his parents then take him to the sporting goods store to get him a kickball which was part of the original plan of the trip and proudly he picks an orange kickball and is happier with that kickball than he ever would have been with the junk toy he wanted at the mall.

Rob Bell goes on to describe how we are often like a young child in this respect. We know what gifts we want and yet sometimes God chooses different ones for us. We want the toy in the mall and yet our Father is much more wise than we are and so he does risk disappointing us by telling us no or refusing to give that toy. He refuses not because he doesn't love us but because in His wisdom He can see the bigger picture. So he gives us something way better than we could ever have imagined.

Sounds great doesn't it?? I do believe that God gives us good gifts, but right now I feel like I am playing the role of the tantrum throwing toddler! How could anything possibly be better than having a healthy baby next month? I know that my views are so limited and my human mind cannot grasp the enitire picture no matter how I try. But for now, I am kicking and screaming and having a tantrum! I want my son! I want him to be born healthy and I want to bring him home to a family who loves him more than he could ever imagine. I want to play referee between three boys instead of two. Ideally I think I should be playing referee to four boys!

So, I want to thank you all for reading, for praying and for all of your kind words. Please know that in my head I know that what God has in store is going to be amazing! Thank you for also allowing me this time now to have my tantrums. My heart just isn't matching up with my head these days! My heart is aching for Isaac and terrified that I may also lose Happy and it is more than I can bear. So though I know whatever God has in store will be for my greater good, I am going to continue to beg and plead for a miracle for Happy!


Laughing Momma said...

Girlfriend, go on and throw your tantrum, we still love you and God will pick you up in His loving arms and gently guide you to the better, perfect plan, in which He is glorified.

I imagine, Happy throwing a fit of his own.

"No, God, I don't want to leave this place. It is so warm and cozy here, and I know my way around." and then maybe,

"Hey God, I know you are bigger and stronger than my Mommy, but can I just stay with her FOREVER. She is perfect for me and I want to grow big like my brothers." and then maybe,

"God, I just can't decide, I really want to be with my brother Isaac too, he needs a brother."

And then finally, "Hey God, it's me Happy. You decide, I will follow."

Love and Prayers

Sharon said...

Having just had a miscarriage last week, I can so relate to your post. I am continuing to keep you and Happy lifted up in prayer.

Anonymous said...

for what it is worth Kristy, I think we are all tantrumming for you and with you.


Anonymous said...

I cannot imagine any woman going through your situation and NOT having a tantrum. Just because God ordains a particular thing in our lives does not mean that we have to like it.

Praying and continuing to believe for a miracle with you.

Laurie in Ca. said...

Begging and pleading right along side with you for a miracle for Happy. Just continue being honest with God,
and if this means throwing tantrums, then do it. He won't turn His back on you just as you would not with your boys. I will keep praying and pleading with you each day as I pray for your heart Kristy. You are loved.

Love and Hugs, Laurie in Ca.

Devin said...

I can understand everything you are going thru....oh, more than you know. Heads and hearts not matching up? That has been my specialty the past 8 weeks!

Blogging allows's your blog, and you can say anything you want! They are great that way. I support the writing of negative AND positive thoughts!

It is so great to know, though, that underneath the "tantrums" as you call them there is a heart that knows God knows what He is doing! He does.

Praying for you,
Devin in Illinois

Anonymous said...

Boy, I sure don't understand God's plan here either. I am praying for you and your family.
Angela in central Ohio

Julie said...

Praying for you, too! My husband and I just watched a great DVD this afternoon, called "How Great Is Our God" by Louie Giglio - it was pretty awesome, and I would recommend it to any Christian who is struggling, has struggled, or will struggle (in other words, ALL of us!) with our circumstances. I know I was blessed by it, and hope others will be too.

Melissa Dovel said...

This should be your safe place to have tantrums. I agree with others on here I am throwing a tantrum too- I do believe in miracles and I am praying for Happy to be one.

Praying for you

Anonymous said...

I have been praying for you, Happy and your family and will continue to do so. I was moved just now to pray that you enjoy Happy today. I pray that in the midst of your turmoil over the what the future will hold, that you can delight in and be distracted by (if only for a moment) Happy moving inside of you. Regardless of what is to come, I praise God that you are already a loving mommy to Happy.

I am praying:

-for your physical comfort as your pregnancy progresses (I remember the swollen feet, achy back, bladder pressure, etc. :)

-for Happy's health

-for wisdom as you and your husband continue to make decisions as you mentioned before

-for strength and endurance to continue being Mommy and Wife to the men at home

-for the people God is going to place in your path in the near future; that they are tender and loving extensions of our Heavenly father

-anyhthing else God lays on my heart as I lift your family in prayer.

Your sis in Christ-
Laralyn Simons (Suffolk, Virginia)

So Blessed said...

Thankfully, our God knows your precious heart...and all it's desires, whatever the manner you present them to Him. Know that I am praying for a miracle right along with you...

The Adoption Of William said...

A tantrum is pretty much called for in this situation. I am pleading for a miracle for Happy as well. It cannot hurt can it??? God listens and he can do anything!!

Much Love,

William's Mama

Destini said...

You are entitled to your feelings. Shoot, Jacob wrestled with God! Many of our Bible greats had little altercations with the Heavenly Father. He continued to show his love and his grace despite their shortcomings. All He asks is for you to Believe in what His word says. When it needs to happen, your head and your heart will be united and God will continue to wrap his arms around your family and show you his love and peace in a mighty way. Stay encouraged and stay in the prayers are going out for you continually.

Kim ( said...

Sweet Kristy,
God knows...God knows...he knows want we want, he doesn't expect us to not want it. It's not a tantrum, it's a Mother's heart crying out for her children. That's what we do - we will always do it...we are made this way.
I am praying for a miracle for you and Happy and your family. We seem to be surrounded by loss and although we trust God and love him, the loss is so hard, flat out unbearable. But....there are the full blown miracles out there, they are there and I am praying for one for Happy. I will stand with you friend / sister and that is what I will pray for...
with all my heart!