"The Lord is like a father to His children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. For he understands how weak we are, he knows we are only dust." Psalm 103:13-14
I sat here for a good deal of time this morning debating whether or not I should go to MOPS, which for those of you who do not know, stands for Mothers of Preschoolers. It is a christian group and this particular group has been so great to me through all of my trials. I have not been able to go since this journey began because all of my doctors appointments have conflicted with the time and day. I have been somewhat of a hermit lately. This is completely not like me. I am usually constantly on the go. I have been kind of in self preservation mode lately. So many people around us don't know what to say or how to act and that awkwardness is more than I can handle most days. I chose not to go and to stay in the safety of my home. The thought of anyone coming up to me and showing pity or sorrow for me was more than I thought I could handle today. (So instead I sit here listening as the sump pump alarm rings, praying our basement stays dry in this crazy weather!)
Everyone means so well and I know that, and yet it seems that most of our family has pretty much completely pulled away and very seldomly if ever even mentions the baby. We have many friends who have done the same. And then to the opposite end there are those who mean so well and just come up and cry and tell us how sorry they are for our circumstances and make a huge deal of it. Believe me I know no one knows just what to do or what to say, but neither of these things help in any way. It actually adds to the hurt. So I thought I would take some time today to tell everyone what we do need. Maybe this will help make things just a little less awkward.
You see, we are trying to live life as normally as possible. We agree that the outcome of our situation MAY be a sad one, but we cannot dwell on that now. We need everyone to treat us as usual. We are different yet the same. I am expecting a baby that I am so very excited to meet! Do not be afraid to ask about him or how I am doing. I so enjoy when people openly ask about him. I remember after Isaac died, there were several instances that hurt me so deeply because people did not acknowledge him. Going on as though he never existed hurts way more than celebrating his life! I remember a few months after his death I was engaged in a conversation with other moms about our children and one of the moms asked about Isaac's hair. I will be forever thankful that she included him in the conversation! She got it! He too was my child just like Luke and Ben.
Don't be afraid that being open and honest with me will hurt me any more. If you have a question, ask. I am thinking about Happy every moment of every day so you won't be bringing up anything I am not already thinking about. It hurts me much more when the topic is avoided, but at the same time, I do not look at this as tragedy so please don't look at me with pity and sorrow. We are rejoicing that God has chosen us to be the parents of this special little boy. Though the circumstances are tough, babies are a blessing! Something to celebrate regardless! I am always grateful when others share in the joy of our new blessing. The fact is that we would not have chosen this path for ourselves, but for some reason God did. So we need to try, as hard as it is to just embrace what he gives without holding back. We need to love Happy without reservation. He may be with us for a very short time or a lifetime! With Isaac I made the mistake of thinking that if I guarded my heart it would hurt less. That is so not true! Our children deserve our unconditional passionate love for them no matter what and that is just what this little guy is going to get from us. So when you don't know what to say, just let us know you love us and are praying for us. Check on us to see how we are doing. Never be afraid to stop by or call. It is amazing, but our phone NEVER rings anymore unless it is a politician recording! So just love us and let God take care of the rest. He knows best what words we need. Pray for us and love us! When we are feeling weak, help us get to Him!