Sunday, August 24, 2008


Thank you all for your sharing your verses with me. I am sitting here copying them all onto index cards to place next to my bed. I have GOT to get some sleep tonight. Howard returns to school tomorrow and though he was kind enough to let me sleep in this morning knowing how I struggled last night. He will not be here to do that tomorrow, not to mention the fact that I will need patience tomorrow. Benjamin has developed a strong attachment to his Daddy and it will be tough to go all day with out him!

I will post more on Luke's birthday party which was super fun and other stuff I need to prepare myself for bed and keeping my thoughts guarded and where they need to be. I love you all and thank you for loving me and praying!


Ok, so it is almost 4 in the morning and I am awake, and nearly paralyzed with fear. I had a nightmare and can't shake the fear. This happens so often and it is usually a dream about me protecting my kids from harm in some way. I woke Howard up to check all the locks and such. I am sure he was thrilled. I am asking for prayer from anyone who happens to be up at this insane hour and for the rest of you I need some verses I can say to myself when this happens. I know you will help me out here. I know this fear is not from God and I need to address it. I feel like my mind is so vulnerable when I sleep and I need some verses to combat the fear when it happens. It is so intense. Please help.


Anonymous said...

I just wanted to say that I am awake and thinking of you. I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. Know you and your family are in my prayers. I have been following your blog for some time and have never posted. I am amazed at how strong you can be in such difficult times. It makes me want to be a better Christian.

Anonymous said...

I have been reading your blog for a almost a year. I've never lost a baby but I have awakened at 3 and 4 a.m. with a panic attack. You are right to think that your mind is vunerable while trying to rest. Satan will try to rob anything he can. I started using the time to grab my Bible and pray. Here is an excerpt out of Daily Light. It is a devotional that Ruth Grahm has used with her family. It is a compilation of just verses, no commentary. I hope it ministers to you.

God has not given us a spirit of fear. * Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this grat multitude, for the battle is not yours, but Gods. * So he answered, "Do not fear, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them." And Elisha prayed, and said, "Lord, I pray open his eyes that he may see." Then the Lord opened the eyes of theyoung man, and he saw. And behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisa.* Do not be afraid. I am your shield.

Be strong and of good courage, and do it;... for the Lord God - my God - will be with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you, until you have finished all the work. * Jesus Himself stood in the midst of them, and said to them, "Peace to you." But they were terrified and frightened. And He said to them, "Why are you troubled? ... Behold ... it is I Myself." * My Spirit remains among you, do not fear! Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you, not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. * Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.

The * signify each verse. References are 2Tim. 1:7; 2 Chron. 20:15; 2 Kings 6:16-17; Gen. 15:1; 1 Chron 28:20; Luke 24:36-39; Hag 2:5; John 14:27 Ps. 56:33

At first it was hard for me to "get in the groove" with a devotional layed out like this, but then I learned to meditate on each verse separately and ask the Lord to teach me. I started to see the consistancy of the whole Bible. I hope this is some comfort to you. It took a long time for the early morning panic attacks to subside, but eventually, it became a sweet time for me to go to the Lord, and He let me relax enough to sleep. I will be praying for you.

Anonymous said...

Sweet Kristy, when I have had those nights I think of how He will raise me up on eagle's wings and hold me in the palm of His hand. Envisioning Him holding me the way I held my babies helps me so much!!

Unknown said...

Here are some that I came up with. Hope these help you!

"Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41: 10)

When I am afraid, I will put my trust in Thee. In God, whose word I praise, In God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid. What can mere man do to me? (Psalms 56:3-4)

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalms 27:1)

Do not be afraid of sudden terror
or of the ruin of the wicked, when it comes, for the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught. (Proverbs 3:25-26)

Praying for you!

Val :)

Unknown said...

I forgot to give you this one of my favorites!

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

—Deuteronomy 31:8

Michelle said...

My prayers are with you right now, even though it's a few hours later. A few verses that have comforted me much since I lost my sweet Benjamin:
Matthew 14:22-33
Isaiah 66:13
John 14:18
Psalm 121
the hymn "Abide With Me" (If you don't know this one, I can send it to you - it helps me feel the Lord near)
I hope and pray that this morning finds peace in your heart. He will watch over you in your sleep.

Lissa Lane said...

Here are the verses I use when the fear gets the best of me

Psalm 46:1-3
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble
Therefor will we not fear, though the Earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea.
Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof.

Psalm 34:17-18
The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 27:1
The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalm 3:3-6
But you are a shield around me, O LORD;you bestow glory on me and lift [a] up my head.
To the LORD I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill.
I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.
I will not fear the tens of thousands drawn up against me on every side.

Psalm 55:22
Cast your cares on the LORD
and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.

Psalm 91:11-12
For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

John 16:33
These things I have spoken unto you, that kin me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I HAVE overcome the world!

Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

1 Peter 5:7
Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you

Joshua 1:9
Have no I commanded thee? be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be though dismayed: for the Lord they God is with thee wheresoever thou goest.

Deuteronomy 3:22
Do not be afraid of them; the Lord your God himself will fight for you.

John 6:23 & 1John 4:18
It's me. Don't be afraid! No fear exists where his love is. rather, perfect love gets rid of fear, because fear involves punishment. The person who lives in fear doesn have perfect love."

I hope these help a bit

Tiffany said...

Hey Kristy.

This is one verse that always helps me out: I John 5: 14 and 15 NIV- This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him. I don't know if that helps out any but, I hope you can use it. You are in my prayers. Feel free to email me at any time if you ever want to just talk or vent. My email address is:


Anonymous said...

Praying for you in NC. I often have the same experince.

The VW's said...

I have so many fears regarding my children as well. I think it's only human to have these feelings, but as christians we must try to put our trust in God alone! I remind myself of this a lot. I can only imagine how your fear must be magnified having lost two of your precious children. I'll be praying for you!

Here are a few verses that I came across. I pray that they may help you during these times of fear.

"The Lord is my light and my salvation: Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1

"The fear of man brings a snare, But whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe." Proverbs 29:25

"Say to those who are fearful-hearted, "Be strong, do not fear! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, With the recompense of God; He will come and save you."" Isaiah 35:4

May you be able to sleep peacefully tonight and rest in the Lord! God Bless You!

Gabbin' with Giff said...

"Do not fret-it only causes harm." Psalm 37:8
"...In God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me?" Ps 56:4 No matter what might come~struggles, disease, conflict, death~none of it an really touch the part of us that will live forever. (I would like to take credit for this, but I found it in a women of faith study: Managing You Moods.) I hope those help. Also, I have found to pray verses out loud at those times is best, because the one [satan] who puts those thoughts in our heads, cannot hear the words of our minds, only the words of our mouths.

Laura said...

Oh, I am so sorry the night is so hard. My favorite Psalm is, "when I am afraid I will trust in God." Psalm...hmm I can't remember. We used thie Psalm at Pearl's graveside service....I will be praying you are able to trust Him. xoxo

Anonymous said...

"Therefore, submit yourself to the Lord. Resist the devil and he WILL flee from you ." = James 4:7

Fear does not come from God, but from the very one who opposes God....the one who seeks to distance you from God. Resist. Do not rest in fear but instead draw near to the one who will protect and comfort you. May God bless you richly today.


Denise said...

Hi Kristy,
I too have had this same thing happen. No your fear is not from God but it is so hard to remember that in the moment. I know it sounds silly, but I hum song that was used in our Bible school several years ago.
"Do not fear for I am with you,
Do not be afraid.
Do not fear for I am with you,
Belive in the promise I've made.
Do not be afraid."

Also, one of my favorite verses is this:
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
II Timothy 1:7

I will be praying for you that with God's help you will be able to overcome.

Recovering said...

Hey I also struggle with fear.
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind" I Timothy 1:7
"For the Lord your God is with you He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Zeph 3:17

I hope you got some sleep last night! I have been following your families story for quite some time now. Praying for you! Wendy

Melissa Dovel said...

oh Kristy I am so sorry that fear attacks when you sleep. I say pray each night and put on the whole armor of God to protect you Eph. 6:11. There are so many awesome vs.'s on fear here are a few that I will be praying for you tonight Mark4:40 Luke 12:32 Isaiah 41:13 & 14:3&51:12 prov. 1:33 Matthew 10:28 Proverbs 3:25-26 2tim1:7

This may sound really bad but I always tell the enemy to go to his rightfull place (only I dont say it that nice:0) Praying for you now and remember that our God is the one that gives you what you need to keep going each day.


Anonymous said...

Hey Kristy!

It may sound silly, but children's music is made to be catchy and kind of stick with you. There is a song on the CD from the kids vacation bible school at Eric & Lannea's church this summer, called "Never Let Go". That would be a good one to try sining to yourself, especially at night, when you are so tired & it is harder to focus. I will ask Lannea about getting you a copy of that CD, it might help you, and it will be one the boys will like.

I have done that at moments when I am stressed out, zone in on music, and sometimes, children's music is the most helpful.

Good luck tomorrow...

Hilary said...

I'm very sorry to hear about how hard your night was last night. How great that you have such wonderful friends and supporters to pray with you during that time and to give you some verses to help combat the fear.
I am praying that you will rest well tonight and that you will wake up feeling refreshed.
My heart goes out to you, Kristy. I so wish there was some way I could take away your pain of everything. But, I know there is no way. I know God will carry you through all things, yet that doesn't mean it's always easy...I just wish I could make it easier for you! I don't know. My heart just aches for you sometimes and all the while I'm encouraged by you and so thankful for you for sharing your story and faith. You are beautiful.
May God bring you peace.


The Pittsburgh Hites said...

What beautiful comments everyone left you, and perfect verses. This happens to me as well, but usually when I am away from home, or if Greg is working nights.
One night last year when it was just Maggie and I at mom and dads I awoke in the middle of the night paralyzed with fear, all I felt was the presence of evil, and I was scared to even breathe. Mom and dad's house was quiet, and I knew Maggie was in with them, but I was too scared to even move, let alone open my eyes. I lay there trembling for what seemed like hours until I heard noise from mom and dad's room. Since then when it has happened I just lay there and face the fear. I tell myself over and over that God is with us, and that I should not be this scared, that it is a trick. I make myself get up, take deep breaths, and get control of the situation. I know it's hard, but i know your sleep is just as precious as mine!
I'm praying for you and the boys tomorrow, and Howard as well, for it surely will be just as hard for him to go back to work.
We love you all!!

Tony and Myra said...

Thank you for your prayers, he is doing a little better but is still struggling. I thank the Lord I met you. I know our situations are different but I still feel a connection to you. I know it is God. Again, thanks for the prayers----definitely need them. Your family is beautiful and always in my thoughts/prayers.

Unknown said...


I'm so sorry you are going through this and as others have shown you - you are NOT alone.

God knew fear would be hard for us - there are 365 fear nots in the bible. One for every day!

Fear when broken down is our fight with control. Fear is about letting go completely and trusting in God with all of our heart, mind and soul. Satan knows we fight with this and he wants us to fight giving up our control. He wants us to struggle in trusting God. He wants there to be doubt and unbelief in God's promises to us. He does NOT want you claiming Jesus' name at any hour let alone when it is dark and night time is upon us. He wants you caught in that place where he lives - where light is not found.

But GOD! I love those two words, But says, You are a child of HIS and you do NOT belong to the enemy. He that is IN you is greater than him of this world.

Cling tight to His truths and ask Him to stand guard before you lay down and to bring forth His goodness and light all around you!

I continue to pray with you and for you. Praying your nights are bright and the Son is shining all around you as you rest in Him!


Melissa Dovel said...

PTL for you sleep update!!!

Still praying,

So Blessed said...

Sweet Kristy,
I will be praying this verse for you...

In peace I will lie down and sleep,
for You alone, O Lord, will keep me (us) safe. Psalm 4:8 NLT

With love & prayers,

Liz said...

Hi Kristy,

I found your blog through a friend's, and have been really moved by your family's story. I'm about to start a social work masters program, and hope to one day work with families going through infant loss. You can be sure that I'll draw from what I've learned from you when that time comes!

I am an Episcopalian, and our Compline (night prayer) service has a beautiful prayer that I often say when it's hard to find sleep. You can find the whole service here if you're interested:

Keep watch, dear Lord, with those who work, or watch, or weep this night, and give your angels charge over those who sleep. Tend the sick, Lord Christ; give rest to the weary, bless the dying, soothe the suffering, pity the afflicted, shield the joyous; and all for your love's sake. Amen.

With love, and in peace,

Michelle said...

On Sunday, our pastor talked about fear and he used this reference... FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real... I thought that was neat. I have suffered from overwhelming fear and anxiety issues up until the last few years and it was then that I kind of trained my brain/heart to depend completely on the Holy Spirit when I felt it coming on. I am thankful you are doing better but praying for you as each night comes.

Love, Michelle