Tuesday, August 19, 2008

The Lord has Done This

"The hand of the Lord has done this." Job 12:9

This is a simple verse, but the meaning of it is profound. I think a lot of times when bad things happen we want to believe that God could not have intended such pain for us, maybe it was just a mistake or it must have come from Satan. I have had many people say in trying to comfort us that it wasn't God, but Satan who took our kids. I have searched for answers and I do not find that to be truth.

I believe the mighty hand of the Lord has brought us to where we are right now. Psalm 139 says that God knitted Isaac and Asher together in my womb. He knitted them just as he knitted Luke and Ben. The term knitted is significant. It refers to the intricate handiwork done by God. God placed every cell and chromosome exactly where he wanted. There was not a slip of hand, no mistakes were made. They were created perfectly. Just as God's blueprints read. They were just not created for life on this earth.

That is a reality I have to admit I don't like. It breaks my heart to wake up every morning to face the knowledge that my family is not all going to be sitting around the breakfast table each placing their own order for food. My mind cannot even begin to comprehend what on earth God is trying to accomplish here. But, I believe the Bible to be God's Word, and I believe God's word to be true so I also have to believe that he is working all of this out for my good even if I don't understand it or like it.

I don't believe my boys' death was an act of Satan because that would mean that Satan had power over God in creating life and I know that is not true. Yes, God allowed my boys to die, he allowed us to suffer, and I am tired of the pain, but I know there is so much more to all of it than what I see. I have seen some beauty coming from this. I have been able to reach and minister to people that I never would have had the opportunity to even meet had I not known what it is to grieve a child of your own. I am learning so much about myself and about God and though my heart is aching still, I will continue to praise Him even when I don't feel like it.

My Bible verse in Streams in the Desert today was 2 Corinthians 6:10

"Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing"

Four words, yet they sum it up. My heart is broken, sorrowful, but because I know that God will have the last word, I will rejoice. Satan has not done this, my boys are a gift from God. Death is a part of life because Adam and Eve chose to disobey our Father. (sometimes I wonder if there will be a line in Heaven for a dunking booth where they sit atop the platform!?) Yes, I grieve, I am sad and broken, but I know there is One who can and will make it all right. The mighty hand of God has done this and because this is the path He has chosen for me I will walk it no matter how tough the road ahead may seem.

Last night I read a book to Luke before bedtime. It was the story of Creation. A storybook we picked up at Ollie's yesterday. (If you ever need books, look there first if you have one. It is a discount store) As I read the words of God commanding Adam and Eve to not eat of the tree or else they will die, Luke's eyes got big. Then when the serpent got Eve to take a bite he began to BAWL! I set the book down and picked up my boy. I asked him what was wrong. He said he didn't like it that God lets people die. It makes people who are still on earth sad. I nodded and said, yes it does. But we will get to see each other again in Heaven if we continue to trust God. He nodded and said "I know, but it still makes me sad." I hugged him and told him it was okay to be sad and he could cry all he wanted. He said that he really wanted his brothers, ALL of them to be at his birthday party this week. I told him I knew. We hugged and cried together and then just as quickly as it all started, it ended. He asked how the story ended and I finished the book. He said, oh, so because they ate that apple we all have to die, but because Jesus loves us we go to Heaven and live again? I nodded because I could not speak. Ok, he said, and he went to bed.

So, that is it, we live in a fallen world where death is a reality, but NOTHING can happen to us outside of God's plan. We have to just keep on trudging along rejoicing in the fact that one day we will all be together, the body of Christ, and what a glorious day that will be! God has chosen our family to be the exact family we are and though we are sorrowful we will rejoice.


Joanna said...

Wow. That was a hard read, Kristy. I pray for you daily. Sometimes I don't even know what or how but I pray for you. I wish I could have had the understanding of Christ that Julianna has now when I was her age. I often wonder how much easier it would be now. You are on the right path. Thank you for sharing your heart.

Kenzie said...


It seems like these boys of our really get it huh? What precious, heartbreaking words from Luke. He is so insightful and when we talk about people who really "get it", we have to include him. I love you and know that for both of us there are still plenty of hard days to come... but just as God knit our sweet babies together, He is using each day to mold us and allow us a little more perspective to who He really is. Hard but so wonderful!

I love you and am praying!

Erin said...

So true! It is comforting to me that God chose to make our babies the way he did because I know that he is in control of all things and that he knows what is best even if we don't understand it. I don't think I will ever understand it here on earth. What a precious time you had with Luke last night. It is amazing how much they can understand at such a young age. I am sure that is a memory you will treasure.

Emily said...

You're fighting the good fight, sweet Kristy. Little Luke is better equipped for the battle in this world than many grown men. Keep seeking God through your pain and trusting Him when you cannot see. He is able.

Stacy@hiswaynotmine said...

AMEN Kristy. Praying God's continued strength and peace upon you and your family. Thank you so much for your transparency and your heart. You are such a blessing.

In Christ's love-Stacy

Corie said...

Praying for you and walking with you with so many of the same questions. God is so faithful to continue along with us!

Devin said...

What a touching moment with Luke. It amazed me how he responded, and figured it all out for himself...you are setting a wonderful example for him, Kristy, during these difficult times.

Thank you for this post....Everything you write is so encouraging to me!

So Blessed said...

"We have to just keep on trudging along rejoicing in the fact that one day we will all be together, the body of Christ, and what a glorious day that will be!"

What a glorious day, indeed...I look forward to meeting you in heaven, Kristy, along with your entire precious family.

With my prayers.

Melissa Dovel said...

I agree with you! I am believing that what he has for you will be so much more than you could ever imagine. Luke is a precious gift with wisdom! Sometimes we get so clouded with trying to create tons of words to get a feeling out. He put it simply as a child should. I pray that both of your boys continue to grow strong in the Lord. You are blessed.

Your sister in Him,