Wednesday afternoon the boys and I ventured to Howard's school for the afternoon. They were so excited to see where their Daddy works and to go to big kid school. We packed lunches and headed out around 11. When we got there we ate lunch in the lunch room with all the big kids. Part of the reason Howard had invited us was because he was excited that a project he had wanted to try was coming to fruition that day. It was called "Mix it Up". It is an effort to teach tolerance. The kids were assigned different lunch tables from the one they typically sit at. They were forced to sit with other students they would not normally have hung out with and after lunch they did some discussion with that same group and a team building activity.
I was so proud of Howard when he told me with great excitement his plans for the day. I have to admit though that seeing it in action was much different than I anticipated. It has not been long since I was in the public school system teaching. Quite honestly, I do not remember kids being SO disrespectful, rude and hateful toward teachers and toward each other. I was especially surprised by the behavior of the girls. They were so cruel to each other and so disrespectful to the teachers. I was stunned. All I could think as I sat there was "no wonder Howard is so frustrated when he comes home each day!" and "there is NO way my kids are going to a school like this". Those were my initial reactions.
Howard met great resistance with this project. Yet he stood his ground and went on with the day. I could see the disappointment in his face, but he kept going. Some students certainly did not get the point and were just going to be belligerent, but others did. I am so thankful for Howard. I admire so much how he goes back into a school where his hands are tied in so many ways and tries to be a beacon of light if only to a few who respond. I was actually impressed by ALL of the teachers that day. They are an amazing group of people!
We then were blessed to stay for the band and chorus concert which Luke and Ben THOROUGHLY enjoyed! I am so glad we went, it gave me a whole new appreciation for what Howard does everyday. I think I had forgotten the battleground that is a middle school classroom.
All that said, I have to say it saddened me to think of these students. I wonder sometimes how we got to this point. The point where it is acceptable to be rude to teachers and to
eachother without consequence. The school makes attempts at discipline, but basically their hands are tied as there is little support from parents. Children learn by example, and I must say I am a bit worried about the example they must be learning from.
Now don't get me wrong, I KNOW this is not the case for all students. There were also great students who were respectful and kind. I know that some parents are involved with their children's schooling, but I think as a society we are dropping the ball with these kids.
Which brings me to another point...in the past week or so I have gotten a few "anonymous" comments asking why I don't just get a job. I had let the comments go thinking I didn't want to give a voice to those who are just trying to stir up trouble. I have since felt led to share with you honestly where I stand on that issue, maybe the questions were posed out of honest curiosity. Though I do not have to defend myself or the decisions Howard and I make for our family, I want others to know that there is great VALUE in
choosing to stay home, value beyond the salary I would earn outside of my home.
When Howard and I married, I was the one with the good job. I paid the bills so he could go to school. I carried the insurance. I had a steady secure good job that I enjoyed. After finding out Luke was on his way, I assumed I would have him and head back to work six weeks later.
When Luke was a month old Howard got a teaching job in St. Mary's PA. About three hours from our home and we felt that it was something we needed to do so Howard could get some experience as teaching jobs are not easy to come by in Pennsylvania. I left my job and we headed to St. Marys and spent a year there. This was my first experience as a stay at home mom. I was in a town hours from anyone I knew. (and if you know the area, saying there isn't much to do, is a gross understatement). It was hard, but I could not imagine not being there for every one of Luke's milestones. I am so thankful God took us in this direction to force me into my new job.
The following summer Howard was hired where he is now and that was a complete blessing. We were able to move back home and soon found out Isaac was on the way. After having to let go of Isaac so soon, I knew that I would never go back to work again until my kids were in school. I became so keenly aware of how precious each moment with my children would be.
I have mentioned in previous posts that we struggle financially. This is true. When I sit down to do our budget, the amount going out is greater than the amount coming in and yet we always make do. I have asked God to show me what I am to do and I feel he has answered me loud and clear. He honors the decision we have made to be good stewards of the gifts he has given by always providing for our needs. He has also provided me with a "paying" job that I can do from home in the evenings to make the extra money we need to get by.
Money is a tough issue, but after doing the math, we would not solve our money problems by my working. I would be working to pay childcare expenses and I would not have the opportunity to prepare my children for life. Please hear me on this. I am not in any way saying that staying home is the answer for every family. I cannot pretend to know anyone
else's circumstances or family. For us it was clearly the answer. My going to work would not answer our financial problems, in fact we are certain it would only bring on a whole host of other problems. If we have to struggle through this stage of our life, so be it. We will cut out extras. We live a simple life and we are happy.
1 Corinthians 3:10-15 By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as an expert builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should be careful how he builds. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames. Our children are the greatest gift God has given us. Howard and I are so very aware of the honor it is to be the stewards of these gifts and it is a responsibility we do not take lightly. God's word tells us to:
"train up a child in the way he should go and he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6
That IS my job for right now. It is the hardest most frustrating, exhausting, overwhelming job I could ever have imagined. I know it is not something that is possible for everyone and I am so grateful that we have been able to make it work. It has been more rewarding than any job I have ever had and my heart overflows with joy that I am the one training my boys. I am the one equipping them with the tools they will need to be a light to the world. We have had to make sacrifices, and it is a struggle every month to pay the bills, but it is so worth it. God has been so faithful.
Psalms 127:3-5 Sons are a heritage from the Lord , children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate. It saddens me that the stay at home mom profession is no longer valued. If a woman doesn't go to work she is often looked down upon. Like I said, I know it is not something all moms can do, but I do think it is a job that we should value and respect. Our children are our future, and if we don't train them up in the way they should go who will?
Deuteronomy 6:6-9 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. I have found great joy in things I had never imagined could bring joy. I love taking care of my home, cooking meals for my family, even changing diapers. I praise God that I have been blessed enough to have been given this family to care for.
God is very clear about the importance of raising our children. On paper our finances make no sense, but I assure you God has been so faithful to us. We have not missed a meal, we have a warm home and our needs are all cared for. I said before that I am not telling you that I think all women should stay at home, I know it is not a possibility for some, but I would challenge you to pray about the situation you are in and ask God to show you what He has for you to be sure you are not missing out on His blessings. He IS faithful and if you earnestly seek Him, He will show you the way!
Asher Joseph Bolte
