First let me say thank you so much for your faithful prayer as we have traveled this journey. I hope that you will continue to pray as it is far from being over. As you all know we welcomed Asher Joseph Bolte into the world on February 22nd. He weighed 4lb 1oz and was 16 inches long. He was perfect! We were able to have 35 precious minutes with him and they were 35 of the most amazing moments of my life. This is certainly not a path I would have chosen for myself but I have to say that February 22nd is a day in which I felt more love than I have ever felt in my entire life. Asher blessed this earth with more love than I had ever hoped to feel.
It seemed that nothing went as planned for us and Thursday night I was incredibly frustrated. I can see however looking back that God's hand was in this EVERY step of the way. I was anxious for the sonogram appointment and irritated that we had to go yet again to the hospital, but as we all know, God's timing is perfect and had we not done these things all signs point to the fact that we would have lost Asher over the weekend before birth due to a deteriorating umbilical cord and increased fluid. His heart was gradually slowing down.
We prayed that all of our decisions would be made clear and they certainly were. I have not one regret. Asher was cared for by wonderful doctors and nurses. We were especially blessed to have the amazing nurse I spoke of earlier. Having her there during delivery made me so much more at ease in such a difficult situation. I cannot even express with words what it meant that she cared for our little guy. I trusted her completely.
We were completely enveloped and surrounded in the most amazing love of God shown through all of the people who shared Asher's life with us. I could not have asked for things to go more perfectly. I am certain that Asher felt nothing but love in his short time here on earth and though my heart is aching now that I am home without him, I know he is in the arms of his Heavenly Father and he will never have to know the pain of living on earth.
I first must say that Asher was the blessing that God promised and he brought an amazing grace and love to this earth. I know that God has a plan and I fully trust that he is working his plan for good in our lives. I also must say though that leaving the hospital today empty handed and broken hearted yet again leaves me crushed. I do know God has a plan but I certainly don't like it much right now. He gave us such and amazing gift and I am thankful for the time He gave us but somehow it wasn't enough. My arms ache to hold him again and my body aches from having him ripped away from me. Please continue to pray for our family as we try to grieve our precious Asher and continue to lean on our Heavenly Father!
5 days ago