Friday, May 9, 2008

A decision?

There never was any decision.
Does this look like a "decision" to you? Of course not. He is our son! A precious gift from God!

I have had a lot of people lately commend our "decision" not to terminate our pregnancy with Asher. I have also had a few people say that they don't understand why we would do that to ourselves. It is all very interesting to me that people view these circumstances so differently. It always makes me feel really weird either way. I guess it is because from the beginning this was our baby. We never really saw a decision to be made. God created Asher just as much as he created any of us. We truly believe that. We also truly believe that God doesn't make accidents. Asher was knitted together in the image of God in my womb. He was created with great purpose in mind. Who are we to mess with that?

Psalm 127 says that "children are a gift from the Lord, a true blessing." Just because we see a child as imperfect as the world sees him doesn't make him any less perfect than you or me or any less of a gift or blessing. We loved Asher before we even knew we were pregnant with him. That is our job. We loved and protected our son just as any parent does and is called to do. It was nothing spectacular that we did. What is spectacular is what God is doing through Asher. Asher was one of God's greatest gifts to this family and we are grateful to Him. I can tell you that Asher has saved other lives of babies like him. What an incredible gift! How many of us can say that!?

That is not to say that I would EVER have chosen this path for myself. I am a human and a mom and I want ALL of my boys with me. But I do trust that God's plan is better than my own. I have no right to mess with that. God would not have given us a child if he didn't mean for us to have him. We have said from day one of our marriage that we would openly and lovingly accept any child God blessed us with whether it be one or twenty. The reality of our circumstances do hurt immensely. I do not believe terminating my pregnancy with Asher would have lessened that pain in any way. In fact it would likely have made it worse. Either way you lose a child. I guess in a selfish way I wanted to be sure that I was not to blame for our son's death in anyway. If he died it was going to be on God, not me. We would cherish and protect him for all the days God would allow and we DID! I can honestly say that. As much as this is painful it is also humbling and joyful. I am seeing such great things come from Asher and Isaac's short lives. It is so evident to me that God's plan though painful is AWESOME. I know many people think I am a total nut job but if God chooses us to walk this path yet a third time I would still obediently follow Him. This life is not about us and our comfort. I trust God with my life and the lives of my children as does my husband.

So a decision? There never really was one. I cannot imagine my life without ever having held Isaac or Asher. God gave them to us as a gift and we would never look a gift horse in the mouth. :-)


Christa said...

Not a nut job. You are more than 100% right. I find it so sad that there is even an option to terminate! Every baby is a gift, and Asher has blessed SO MANY people. He was a gift, not only to you and your family, but to so many other people. I know he has blessed my life through you and your blog. I know that you and Asher have been a stunning example of love to so so so so many people. Hold your head high, because you are a shining light, and so is your beautiful son. (((HUGS)))

Ohilda said...

AMEN! I love Psalm 127 and every child is created in His image.

You are a true servant of our Lord and an inspiration to many.



Anonymous said...

AMEN!!! I know that God will be smiling when in Heaven, He looks at you and says, "Well done, my good and FAITHFUL servant!"

Angela said...

It probably seems to many people that terminating a pregnancy is a lot less painful. I think you are right though, it would be worse. You guys got to spend time with Asher and you have all those beautiful memories and pictures of the memories. A termination would have none of that, but still the pain from losing your child. I don't always comment but I want you to know that I check in at least once a day and pray for you every day. I think of Asher often. His life has really touched me.

Chrissy said...

Amen! Amen! Amen!

Melodie said...

There is no reason for you to even feel a bit selfish. Your decision to not be the one who ended Asher's life has not selfish, but obedient! God is the giver and taker of life, not man, no matter how "hopeless" the physical condition of the baby may be.

Thank you for being an example to many of how to biblically deal with devastating loss. Though I have never been through a situation like yours, I have known many people who have, and have not handled it the right way. How sad. With your perspective Asher became something to rejoice about, not harbor bitterness.

I've never read this book, but I found this quote recently:

"I will praise the Lord for all he has given me, not curse him for all that I have lost." - In book 5 of the Chronicles of the Kings by Lynn Austin

What a blessing to see you seem to be striving towards this goal.

Anonymous said...

Asher was and IS such a blessing. God definitely doesn't make mistakes.
I really can't say it any better than Christa did.

Becky said...

You are right - there really was no decision.
When my eldest daughter became pregnant with multiples, her doctor spoke to she and her husband about reducing one. Again, no decision needed to be made. I cannot imagine my life without one of those little monkeys!
About the time she became pregnant with this very high risk pregnancy, my middle daughter also became pregnant. All the babies were to be born about the same time and my first thought was "How can I handle helping care for all these babies?" This daughter also had suffered from severe pre-eclampsia post birth with her first child and we almost lost her. Just as I found out about this grandchild, he/she no longer became viable and was miscarried. I look back and feel so guilty because I did not grieve as I should have for this lost life. How I long to have known if it was a boy or a girl. What they would have looked like. To hold and snuggle them if only for a moment.
In a few days the anniversary of what would have been their birth will be here and I think often about this missing grandchild.
What a blessing Asher was and still continues to be because - there was no decision to make. The only choice was life!

Anonymous said...

I am so proud of you for NOT terminating either of your pregnancies!! They are your children, we are never given a guarentee that our children will be healthy. An accident or illness can cause brain damage in their teens. We wouldn't love them any less. You are such great parents and I have been enlighted by your experience. Thank you for sharing.